This wasn't in my Mommy Manual, Part Deux
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Nicklaus, my 9 year old, wakes up one morning and goes to the bathroom. When he comes out he has the most puzzled, worried look I've ever seen. He comes over to me, leans down and whispers, "Momma, there is something wrong with my woozle!" "Your woozle, what is wrong with your woozle son?" By this time his dad was in the conversation, and has a small smile on his face. Anyway, Nicklaus says, "Momma, it is standing straight up and won't bend! My underwear looked like a tent!" Oh good Lord no, not at 9 will I explain this. I look at him and tell him "Well, honey, woozles kinda fall into your dad's category, he has one, he can explain them better than I can." Hubby looks at son and tells him, "Son, don't keep picking at it, it will grow on it's own." Then he tells him it's something normal and he'll go into more detail later. So, we have now established in my home that woozles and their related functions are dad's area of expertise. I handle all tootie-what-what matters. For those of you not familiar with woozles, click here.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! I HAVE A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I am interrupting your regularly scheduled blog reading for the following Public Service Announcement:
I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading. Why is the song""Fly Like an Eagle" stuck in my head? Damn....remember, please consult your doctor before embarking on one of my crazy ass ideas. :-) Dammit man, I don't type to bad for a bitch with a raging buzz, huh?
After years of suffering from horrible
cramps, (ladies you know what I mean and
if you men don't then you need to relate more to the
females in your life,) anyway, I have finally found a fool proof
way to rid yourself of those awful, painful, abdomen in a vice
grip cramps. First you must find a place for your children to go.
My oldest two are at Nanny & Poppa's house. Hubby has taken
the baby off for a while. So, without further delay,
here is my modern medical breakthrough for women that
suffer from cramps. I am pretty sure this remedy
will work for any sort of pain. Ready?? All one
must do is this. Locate 1 big ass pinkish/orange
Darvocet pill. Place in mouth. Use a big glass of wine
( I am resonably sure any sort of alcoholic libation
will do) to swallow it with. Locate another big
ass pill the same type as above. Repeat the swallowing
with a big glass of wine. If you do not have access to
Darvocet, just drink a bottle of wine. I guarantee if you
do have cramps, you won't feel them. I can honestly say
I do not feel any cramps whatsoever, but then again,
hell, a bus could fall on my schnokered ass right now,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. Then blog about it, and
go lie down on the couch.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading. Why is the song""Fly Like an Eagle" stuck in my head? Damn....remember, please consult your doctor before embarking on one of my crazy ass ideas. :-) Dammit man, I don't type to bad for a bitch with a raging buzz, huh?
Hey...if they buy it..I'm cool with it...
So, Nicklaus (9) and Nathan (22 months) are in the tub. Nicklaus starts yelling, "Momma, Momma, Nathan got your tubes and put them in the bathtub." I run in and see all these pink and white paper wrapped objects in the tub (ya know what they were, right? Playtex) . I start getting them out, and Nicklaus asks, "Momma, what are those tubes for anyway." Keeping with my premise that you only have to tell kids as much as the really NEED to know, I quickly replied, "They're something you use to fix leaks," so Nicklaus says, "Why did Daddy buy pink ones then?" I say, "Because, it was a woman's house."
As Promised...
Friday, July 29, 2005
Not a wonderful day in Freebieville, but here's a few I found!Free sample of Fresh `N Clean Pet Hair VAC-AWAY™ the easy way to remove pet hair and odor from carpets and upholstery! By breaking the static bond that keeps pet hair stuck on carpets and upholstery Fresh `N Clean Pet Hair VAC-AWAY™ cleans and freshens in one easy step!
Free Sample Act Fluoride Rinse
Experience Men’s Expert firsthand! Sign up to receive a free sample of Stop Lines Anti-Lines Moisturizer with SPF 15 Sunscreen, which fights expression lines and wrinkles, provides long lasting hydration, and protects skin from the damaging effects of the sun with SPF 15.
Free Arm & Hammer Coupons
I'll try to have more next week, enjoy!!!
Has anyone else noticed...
For centuries the question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" has puzzled mankind. Finally this mystery has a definitive answer, it's yes, thanks to the Charmin Toilet Paper Bears. Less is more!
Ha Ha...You so funny, Mr. Funny Man...
My husband would rather chew glass than go to Wal-Mart with me. His standard sentence before we enter is, "Let's just get what we need and leave, I don't want to move in to Wal-Mart." He avoids going with me at all cost, I do tend to go in for one thing and end up browsing around the whole store and telling him, "let's just go down here, last aisle, I promise, we do need toothpaste. Wait, we need to go over there too, I need some shampoo, whoa..one more thing, etc..." So, last week we're in Wal-Mart, he's getting antsy as usual and I vaguely hear something on the loudspeaker, calling the Housewares Department or something. My husband stops, looks at me and asks, "Did you hear that they called your name?" I just look at him and say, "you know good and well they didn't call my name, why would they be calling my name?" His reply? "They said they have mail for you."
You can take a boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy!!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Before my hubby became a cabinet installer he worked as a framer. Joey's fuse is short, he'll let the redneck come out if he thinks it necessary. Well, when I was pregnant with Noni he tried to curb his impulse to punch the dog shit outta this asshole at work. He knew we needed the money desperately for our family, so he put up with this guys bullshit for a week or so. He'd come home, tell me what the "dickweed" said and how much he wanted to knock him out but he had to keep his job so, he ignored the fool. Around the third week of working with this jerk, he was miserable at not being able to whoop his ass. I mean no offense by this, my husband worked in the construction field (still does) but, most of the guys are sorry as hell, lazy as hell and high as hell. One day the phone rang and it was Joey telling me to come and pick him up. We only had one car at this time. So when he called I said, Joey, you didn't hit him did you? Please say no, you didn't hit him. His reply?? Not hard.=!!
Do I blog too much??
Took the kids to the dentist today. And despite the fact that she brushes a million times a day, Noni has a cavity. When she heard the dentist say this, she turns and looks at me and asks, "Momma, are you gonna tell the world about this on your blog?" And Momma says, "Of course, I am. We have no secrets now that Mommy is a blogger." She rolls her eyes and says, "Don't I know it!" She's 3. Dear Lord help me when this child is older.
Interesting fact of the day...
The A/C in the Jeep stopped working. I had to drive 30 miles into Savannah, in a vehicle hotter that Hades, with 3 kids. I was not a happy camper. And then this exchange took place:
Momma, you know vultures have no sweat glands?
Nope, Nicklaus, I had no clue vultures don't have sweat glands.
Momma, you know how they cool off?
Nope, Nicklaus I cannot begin to imagine how vultures cool off.
Momma, (giggle, giggle) they poop on theirselves to cool off.
So, Nicklaus, what are you saying, you wanna crap in your pants?
Momma, you know vultures have no sweat glands?
Nope, Nicklaus, I had no clue vultures don't have sweat glands.
Momma, you know how they cool off?
Nope, Nicklaus I cannot begin to imagine how vultures cool off.
Momma, (giggle, giggle) they poop on theirselves to cool off.
So, Nicklaus, what are you saying, you wanna crap in your pants?
Are you ready for this??
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
First, skip on over to the Pansi Files site. There are no words in the English language to adequately describe this site. Geez, talk about having too much time on your hands.....you'll be left saying, "WTF????"
Now, I love Chocolate as much as the next gal...but this is just too damn weird...get a life, please!!! Holy Hershey Bars Batman, what in the hell are you thinking each day? "Must find chocolate skyscraper, must find chocolate bikini, surely to God, this chick has more going on in her life than this? And surely there cannot be that many people obsessed with the product of the cocoa bean? Please tell me no, should I start a fund for psychiatric help? Who wants to put a chocolate wig on? I don't understand people who wear socks with sandals either..to each his own. Dangit....somebody call Mr. Wonka..one of those dang Oompa Loompas escaped and is holding this poor girl hostage. Oompa Oompa oompiddy doo...I have a very sick chica for you!
Copycat...Copycat....
Yep....that's me a big ol' copycat. There are all kinds of special little things that certain bloggers do each week. Wonder Blogs on Wednesday, Katy used to do it, Momma-2-b Christy does a Wednesday Wonder Blog. Gennie does a Jambalaya post weekly. Mama Duck has Way Back Wednesdays every week. The list could go on and on. Well, I've thought long and hard. My contribution to a weekly event in blogdom?? I went with something that defines me, I suppose. Weird, Nutz, Bizarre, and Twisted (only the beginning of the list dearies!) What did I come up with, you ask? WEIRDO WEDNESDAY!! (Please let me know if someone else already does this.) Every Wednesday I'll post a few links to weird blogs, web pages, pictures, products, etc...and as usual post a witty sentence or two about each. On Fridays, and this is not in tune with my silly side, this goes straight to my Queen of Thrifty, I'll have Freebie Fridays where I'll give you a few links for things that you can get for free. I may even post an awesome online sale or two. So, let me know what you think, would any of this interest anybody that reads my blog? :)
What the hell do ya say to that?
Since we live in the boonies I'm used to having a legion of small black ants, we call them "sugar ants" some refer to them as "pissants." When I read that, I kinda like pissant better, because the piss me right the hell off. These creatures are harder than out of town guests to get rid of. I've tried everything, sprays, traps, grits (supposedly they eat them and blow up, much like sea gulls and Alka-Seltzer, I guess) and the little pests just change their entry point. Well, I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom. I saw some sort of small mound of black ants, upon closer inspection I saw that a small piece of cheese had been put on the windowsill. I looked around and yep, the bathtub had one as well. I went and asked Noni, and I knew the chances of it not being her putting it in there were slim to none, "Why did you put cheese all over the dang bathroom??" Her reply, "I didn't want the ants to get hungry." Oh hell, I had to come in here and gather the cheese and ants up in a wad of toilet paper and she followed. "Mommy, what are you doing???" I looked at her and said, "You know how those people call us all the time for vacations? Well, these little ants have just won a cruise...say Bon Voyage!!" (flush) She was not traumatized, she just asked me how I knew they could swim. "Easy I told her, there are plenty of lifeguards."
Click on the clock...
See it over there? My friend and web designer extraordinaire, Gennie over at Dizzy-Girl is participating in the blogathon 2005. Show some support, okay????
My husband is a cross-dresser...
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
My husband knows I am posting this, and as long as none of the guys at work read it...he's cool with it. Seems hubby had a little fashion faux pas this morning when he dressed for work. Last time I did laundry, I guess I put a pair of my denim shorts in his drawer. Seeing as how he's always hitting the snooze button and ending up running around like a deranged chicken, he didn't notice this. Yep, he put on a pair of my shorts and wore them to work. (Yes, they are very big on me, they don't fit anymore.) Anyway, he called me from work around 4 o'clock or so and asked if I had a pair of jeans shorts with a hole in the pocket, I said yep. He then knew why he had to carry his wallet(wouldn't fit in the back pocket,) why they were so short when he sat down, they are long on me, I'm 5'5", he's 6'2", they were damn near Daisy Dukes when he sat down, and the final insult to injury? In his own words, "I had no place for my cods to go and my pecker was in a knot." Guess I never have to wonder if I'll come home and find him dressed in my lingerie.....Bwahahahahah...I love my husband!
You have gotta do this!!
Kids don't come with instructions...
I was thinking today of how I was going to be the perfect, peace loving momma to my firstborn boy, Nicklaus. No violent toys of any kind would I buy. Guns breed violence, ya know? Two words, Dumbass Me. My husband let me take this stance, he knew it wouldn't be long before it ended. I was raised with guns, taught to respect them, so where in the hell did I get this crazy ass idea? Who knows, hormonal pregnancy and one too many articles in those useless parenting magazines, I suppose. OMG, I was so adamant, when we went to my sister's house and her son broke out his plastic Uzis, M-16's, pistols and rifles? I took my son into the den with me. "He's not allowed to play with those. He has no clue what a weapon is." Silly bitch that I was. When Nicklaus, my non-violent little cherub was playing in the yard one day, he was around one, he picked up a regular old stick, pointed it at a bird and screamed, "Boom, Boom, Bang, Bang." WTF?? Hadn't I kept all semblence of weaponry away from him? When my sister gave me the hand-me-down camoflague outfits and toy guns, didn't I get rid of them?? Then, let me tell you honey, they sky parted, the sun shone down on my boy and I swear I heard a voice proclaim, "HE IS A BOY, AND, ALL BOYS (AND YOU WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH, MOST GIRLS) PLAY THIS WAY, I CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH, AND ALSO COWBOYS AND INDIANS, COPS AND ROBBERS, SO GIVE IT A REST HONEY, LET HIM BE A BOY." And, I listened to this voice, I took the words upon my heart, and yes, dear sisters and brothers, I allowed my husband to buy the boy a cowboy hat, a gun belt with pistol and cowboy boots. And my father, Poppy, saw this, and saw that it was good, and put his arm around the boy's father and said, "you have done well, I am well pleased, now go forth and show this boy the pleasures of simulated gun play and when he is old enough, train him with a real firearm to respect and take care of and he will never be careless." So, there ya go...the beginning of a southern redneck in the making, but one that will never take a gun to school and blow away the student body, because guns aren't some shrouded mystery, some solution to bullies. Guns are to be respected and feared and loved. I'm not saying just let them run wild with them...in fact, even with toy guns, unless used in a game of cops & robbers, or robots and ninjas(lol), they are NEVER pointed at another person. Teach them right from the beginning.
Oh yeah...that camo thing..Noni had a camo outfit with Daddy's Little Dear on it at 6 months. It had lace and a matching headband..It was a designer outfit..WHAT???...You live and learn...
Oh yeah...that camo thing..Noni had a camo outfit with Daddy's Little Dear on it at 6 months. It had lace and a matching headband..It was a designer outfit..WHAT???...You live and learn...
Hanoi Jane strikes again!!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Let's just call her "Hussein Jane" this time. I guess the born-again Christian act got old so she went back to the familiar to get her name in the papers again. And, being the ever so environmentally conscious person she is, she's gonna be in a bus that runs on vegetable oil. Maybe it will catch on fire and fry her stupid ass a nice, crispy golden brown.
I've been tagged....
I had no clue what this "Tag you're it" was about, then Maeve explained it to me. So, here are my 10 turn ons and 10 turn offs, in no particular order.
10 Turn Ons
- Tall Men that are cute
- Guys with long hair
- Waterfalls
- Rain
- Showering together
- Big Penises (yep, I am very happily married)
- Massages
- Kisses on the back of my neck
- A Very Big, very large, damn near huge bank account
- A sexy Southern Drawl (yep, hubby has that too...)
10 Turn Offs
- Nose, Ear and Back Hair
- Men that act feminine
- Men that cross their legs like women, UGH!
- Little Penises
- Know it alls
- Abusers
- Laziness
- Conceit
- Dumb People
- Body Odor
And since I had to do this, I'm gonna tag Gennie, Katy, Angie, & Crazy Ride Lady!
Things I don't understand...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I am sure this list could be much, much longer than what I end up publishing. A lot of things baffle the hell out of me, but I'll name just a few.
- Why is it terrible to waste your mind only if you are black?
- Why is it that you smell something horrible and immediately turn to another person and say, "this smells like shit, here smell it" and the other person does.
- How come America accommodates everyone's desire to speak in their native tongue? If I moved to Mexico I had damn well learn some Spanish.
- People who profess to be Pro-Life yet will shoot an abortion doctor in a minute.
- Those idiots you see on TV reality shows about law enforcement who run from the cops. They never win, and where in the hell did they get the idea a 1972 Pinto can outrun and outmaneuver a cop car, helicopter and motorcycle?
- People who are raising their daughters to just say no to sex, and saying nothing to their sons. The daughters may not have to say no so much if the boys were taught not to ask. There are exceptions to every rule, and I know that teenagers are still going to have sex. But dammit...teach your daughter abstinence and then give your son a condom for his wallet? WTF???
- Why policeman always have to hold their big flashlight on their shoulder right beside their cheek. Why not just point it where you need it and go from there?
- People who actually sign release waivers to appear on COPS.
- Why A/S/L is the most asked question on the net. Why does it matter? I'm just here to play a game, damn.
- Anna Nicole Smith - enough said
- Why when you have only 2 kids, it's great, as in "oh, how nice" but when you cross that magic line and have 3 you inspire disbelief and pity as in "OMG, you have 3 kids, poor dear, how do you do it?"
- Women who have children and then pay someone else to raise them 40+ hours a week. I know that sometimes women have to work and I am not pointing at them. But there are women that focus so much on their careers that the only time they notice their kids is at their high school graduation. Sacrifices can be made.
- Women who try to be vindictive after a breakup and refuse to let their children see their dad, even though he is a perfectly wonderful father. Spite has a way of biting you in the ass when those kids grow up.
- People who say they cannot find a job. Hell, it may not be a dream job, but McDonald's is always hiring...get off your lazy ass, k?
- Women who play the "helpless" role. Geez, give it a break...you can need your man without acting like an uneducated twit.
- Men who won't pay child support. You are not hurting your ex, you are hurting your kids. And if she's a bitch and never spends it on the kids? Save your cancelled checks, so when the kid(s) figure out she's a neurotic bitch (and they always do) and you have them wanting to live with you, you have full proof that at least one of her lies wasn't true. "mom, I thought you said that sorry son of a bitch never paid one thin dime to help us out, he has 7 years of cancelled checks" this statement should be followed by, "Dad, can I come stay with you awhile?"
- How come Miss Black America is a wonderful way to showcase the beauty of African-American females, yet Miss White America is a racist, horrible thing that is not allowed?
- People who excuse their sons when they act like obnoxious brats with the phrase, "Boys will be boys!"
There are tons more...but that's my rant for today.
I have a question...
I was told that my blog is hard to read because you have to scroll back and forth. It's too wide, I spoke to the fabulous Gennie and she can redo it and make it smaller. It will take some work though. I'm curious, how many of you have this problem with reading it? It's set for 1024 x 768 and it can be scaled down to 800 x 600. So, holla at me and let me know if it's something that needs to be done....thanks
My Mother is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips!
I've alluded to the fact that my mother and I butt heads at almost every opportunity. I love her dearly, but, she is a hard person to get along with sometimes. My sister asks why I even get upset with some of the things she says or does. I told her because one day she was going to either let me get the last word or say she's sorry for treating me like a child. My sis says, "good luck, I'm almost 50, ain't happened here yet." And now, I will share with you a few incidents on how my mom thinks and conveys her thoughts and my replies, you'll see why we clash.
The set-up: My family had been pretty faithful in attending church. Then my kids started getting sick, every week it was something new. The phone rings:
Me: Hello
Mom: Are you coming to church tomorrow?
Me: No, Nathan has a fever and Noni's really whiny I think she's coming down with something.
Mom: Hmmm...the devil just won't leave y'all alone, he sees you in church so he tries everything to keep you out.
Me: I suppose so, or they just keep catching whatever is going around like every other child.
Mom: Well, you don't have to get smart, you were raised in church and your kids should be too.
Me: Okay mom, I'll bring them and then the entire church body, of which 75% are over the age of 70 will be sick as well.
Mom: I wasn't saying it like that, you don't have to get smart with me, just forget it
My mom always hangs up on me...always
Next incident:
My family had pretty much stopped being faithful churchgoers. The phone rings.
Me: Hello Mom (caller ID is awesome)
Mom: How's my babies doing?
Me: I think Nathan is getting an ear infection and Noni has an appointment Monday, her throat is hurting. Probably strep throat again.
Mom: See, you need to get your family back in church. God will take His hand off of y'all after awhile and that's how come they keep getting sick.
Me: Last time it was the devil, now God making my kids sick, are they running a tag team on me? I didn't think Satan and God spoke, much less planned and coordinated their attacks.
Mom: (click)
The set-up: My family had been pretty faithful in attending church. Then my kids started getting sick, every week it was something new. The phone rings:
Me: Hello
Mom: Are you coming to church tomorrow?
Me: No, Nathan has a fever and Noni's really whiny I think she's coming down with something.
Mom: Hmmm...the devil just won't leave y'all alone, he sees you in church so he tries everything to keep you out.
Me: I suppose so, or they just keep catching whatever is going around like every other child.
Mom: Well, you don't have to get smart, you were raised in church and your kids should be too.
Me: Okay mom, I'll bring them and then the entire church body, of which 75% are over the age of 70 will be sick as well.
Mom: I wasn't saying it like that, you don't have to get smart with me, just forget it
My mom always hangs up on me...always
Next incident:
My family had pretty much stopped being faithful churchgoers. The phone rings.
Me: Hello Mom (caller ID is awesome)
Mom: How's my babies doing?
Me: I think Nathan is getting an ear infection and Noni has an appointment Monday, her throat is hurting. Probably strep throat again.
Mom: See, you need to get your family back in church. God will take His hand off of y'all after awhile and that's how come they keep getting sick.
Me: Last time it was the devil, now God making my kids sick, are they running a tag team on me? I didn't think Satan and God spoke, much less planned and coordinated their attacks.
Mom: (click)
I could have went to jail...
Saturday, July 23, 2005
This post is bound to make someone feel I am a racist redneck, I am not, and if an African-American was writing about a white child it would be deemed justified because of all they went through. My thought on that angle is basically, it's bullshit. Yes there were slaves, yes it was wrong, and I am all for reparations. They should begin when any person living today comes to a designated meeting place and shows the scars on their backs where slaveowners beat them. If that is proven, I will gladly hand over all of the money I received because of their efforts. The whole reason I am writing that part is I want to tell you about an incident at the waterpark yesterday. And I am in no way implying that my skin color had any effect on this incident. However, I did see the individual I will tell you about walk past a group of African Americans and say "hi, how are you?" No such thing was asked of myself, even though we stood next to each other for a bit and had eye contact several times. So, it is only an assumption on my part that this girl was possible raised to have no respect for adults, mainly white adults. On with the story, Nicklaus was standing in line for one of the attractions as the waterpark. Where he was waiting, a pool adjoined the area and a rope was in place to separate swimmers and climbers, (this is the activity he was waiting to do," anyway, there were 2 lines and standing beside Noni and I in the pool was a teenage girl who appeared to be about 14-15 years old. Nicklaus was still in line and on the next line one of this girl friend's was getting ready to cross. Now keep in mind, waterpark or not, the noise level was not high at all. So, while the one girl is going across, the girl next to us starts some kind of tribal chant, beat and all. "C'mon gurl..you can do it, c'mon g'yurl you can do it, you can fall, you can fall...yeah, uh huh, uh huh, do it girl, do it girl, do it girl..." Well, this went on for about 5 minutes, non stop until the girl completed her mission. Then another friend was up. OMG...this girl preceded to do the whole thing all over again. Keep in mind we were blessed to hear this chant about 10 minutes if not longer. It grated on one's nerves much like those women in Pakistan that do that tongue clicking thing while screeching. Finally, one little boy, he looked to be about 4-5 years old that was in line looked at ther and said ,"My God...could you please just shut up?" Perhaps that was not the proper way to handle it, but no one around seemed to mind. Well, that was when the head bobbing began honey. "Who you talkin'to, I ain't yo mamma, you may talk to yo mamma that way, but you ain't gonna damn talk to me that way, you need to go tell yo mamma to shutup..." ON and on and on...and let me point out that this girl kept looking at me when she said this, this showed me 2 things, 1) she thought I was his mother and she didn't care one bit and 2) even if I was not the mother she had no respect for herself, children or adults because her next and loudest statement to the little boy was , "yeah...you need to shut your f**king mouth up you little white ass cracker." Oh boy, I could feel my blood pressure rising, I looked at this obnoxious little shit and said, "Look, that kid is not my son, the one behind him is, so don't think I am just upset because I think you are messing with my son, why would you even say something like that to a child? Is something wrong with you? How would you feel if he dropped the "N" word on you? Oh that would be godawful then, however you can insult him by referencing his skin color? Honey, you are gonna find out soon enough that the race immunity card you feel you carry has expired. I hear one more word outta your mouth like that and as much as I'd love to stomp the crap out of you, I don't feel like going to jail and terrorizing my kids, so I'll resort to going straight up there to the lifeguard and get your loud obnoxious butt thrown out of here so fast your big head will spin." She just stared at me for a second and said something under her breath. I did the standard "Excuse me? You have something to add to that?" Her reply, she got out of the pool and we did not see her again. I did kind of expect the African American Mommy Mafia to hunt me down, but I never even saw anyone she could have actually belonged to. Lack of parental supervision does this world so much good.
Be Careful What You Ask For
BOOB SHOT REMOVED!
when you knockers as big as mine, it's hard to take a photo of your chest without them..lol
Well, we went to a waterpark yesterday. We had a good time, the kids were actually acting like normal children and not escaped circus animals. I slathered a ton of sunscreen on both of them, (the baby was at my mom's house,) Nicklaus asked, "Momma, you're not gonna put any on?" And I replied, "Nope, I need some sun." I got some sun, can you tell?
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!
Friday, July 22, 2005
I love my new blog template thingy!! Isn't Gennie one of the most talented bad-ass bitches in the world? And, she considers that a compliment...as do I. So if you need a new blog template thingy, go see her HERE or check out some of her work HERE. GENNIE...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
Yep...they are selling it...I swear...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
For the woman who has everything...or maybe the man. A huge tomato, gifted with a...ummm....well...okay...it has a WOOZLE...(if you don't know what one is click on it) please if you think your child will be offended by this erogenous fruit... do not click. I would give you the Ebay link, but stuffy old Ebay pulled the auction. Damn...I was gonna bid too...The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes might have been a blockbuster if this little guy had the lead...
Tired of the Same Old Shit?
Now who doesn't get tired of pooping the same old way everyday? With this innovative product, The Turd Twister, you can truly give new meaning to the phrases, Holy Bat Shit, Frosted Lucky Charms, and my favorite, "I feel like Italian tonight." Also a perfect gift for the person that has everything or the ones that think their shit don't stink...now it can look pretty too!