This wasn't in my Mommy Manual, Part Deux
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Nicklaus, my 9 year old, wakes up one morning and goes to the bathroom. When he comes out he has the most puzzled, worried look I've ever seen. He comes over to me, leans down and whispers, "Momma, there is something wrong with my woozle!" "Your woozle, what is wrong with your woozle son?" By this time his dad was in the conversation, and has a small smile on his face. Anyway, Nicklaus says, "Momma, it is standing straight up and won't bend! My underwear looked like a tent!" Oh good Lord no, not at 9 will I explain this. I look at him and tell him "Well, honey, woozles kinda fall into your dad's category, he has one, he can explain them better than I can." Hubby looks at son and tells him, "Son, don't keep picking at it, it will grow on it's own." Then he tells him it's something normal and he'll go into more detail later. So, we have now established in my home that woozles and their related functions are dad's area of expertise. I handle all tootie-what-what matters. For those of you not familiar with woozles, click here.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! I HAVE A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I am interrupting your regularly scheduled blog reading for the following Public Service Announcement:
After years of suffering from horrible
cramps, (ladies you know what I mean and
if you men don't then you need to relate more to the
females in your life,) anyway, I have finally found a fool proof
way to rid yourself of those awful, painful, abdomen in a vice
grip cramps. First you must find a place for your children to go.
My oldest two are at Nanny & Poppa's house. Hubby has taken
the baby off for a while. So, without further delay,
here is my modern medical breakthrough for women that
suffer from cramps. I am pretty sure this remedy
will work for any sort of pain. Ready?? All one
must do is this. Locate 1 big ass pinkish/orange
Darvocet pill. Place in mouth. Use a big glass of wine
( I am resonably sure any sort of alcoholic libation
will do) to swallow it with. Locate another big
ass pill the same type as above. Repeat the swallowing
with a big glass of wine. If you do not have access to
Darvocet, just drink a bottle of wine. I guarantee if you
do have cramps, you won't feel them. I can honestly say
I do not feel any cramps whatsoever, but then again,
hell, a bus could fall on my schnokered ass right now,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. Then blog about it, and
go lie down on the couch.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading. Why is the song""Fly Like an Eagle" stuck in my head? Damn....remember, please consult your doctor before embarking on one of my crazy ass ideas. :-) Dammit man, I don't type to bad for a bitch with a raging buzz, huh?
Hey...if they buy it..I'm cool with it...
So, Nicklaus (9) and Nathan (22 months) are in the tub. Nicklaus starts yelling, "Momma, Momma, Nathan got your tubes and put them in the bathtub." I run in and see all these pink and white paper wrapped objects in the tub (ya know what they were, right? Playtex) . I start getting them out, and Nicklaus asks, "Momma, what are those tubes for anyway." Keeping with my premise that you only have to tell kids as much as the really NEED to know, I quickly replied, "They're something you use to fix leaks," so Nicklaus says, "Why did Daddy buy pink ones then?" I say, "Because, it was a woman's house."
Friday, July 29, 2005
Not a wonderful day in Freebieville, but here's a few I found!Free sample of Fresh `N Clean Pet Hair VAC-AWAY™ the easy way to remove pet hair and odor from carpets and upholstery! By breaking the static bond that keeps pet hair stuck on carpets and upholstery Fresh `N Clean Pet Hair VAC-AWAY™ cleans and freshens in one easy step! Free Sample Act Fluoride RinseExperience Men’s Expert firsthand! Sign up to receive a free sample of Stop Lines Anti-Lines Moisturizer with SPF 15 Sunscreen, which fights expression lines and wrinkles, provides long lasting hydration, and protects skin from the damaging effects of the sun with SPF 15.Free Arm & Hammer CouponsI'll try to have more next week, enjoy!!!
Has anyone else noticed...
For centuries the question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" has puzzled mankind. Finally this mystery has a definitive answer, it's yes, thanks to the Charmin Toilet Paper Bears. Less is more!
Ha Ha...You so funny, Mr. Funny Man...
My husband would rather chew glass than go to Wal-Mart with me. His standard sentence before we enter is, "Let's just get what we need and leave, I don't want to move in to Wal-Mart." He avoids going with me at all cost, I do tend to go in for one thing and end up browsing around the whole store and telling him, "let's just go down here, last aisle, I promise, we do need toothpaste. Wait, we need to go over there too, I need some shampoo, whoa..one more thing, etc..." So, last week we're in Wal-Mart, he's getting antsy as usual and I vaguely hear something on the loudspeaker, calling the Housewares Department or something. My husband stops, looks at me and asks, "Did you hear that they called your name?" I just look at him and say, "you know good and well they didn't call my name, why would they be calling my name?" His reply? "They said they have mail for you."
You can take a boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy!!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Before my hubby became a cabinet installer he worked as a framer. Joey's fuse is short, he'll let the redneck come out if he thinks it necessary. Well, when I was pregnant with Noni he tried to curb his impulse to punch the dog shit outta this asshole at work. He knew we needed the money desperately for our family, so he put up with this guys bullshit for a week or so. He'd come home, tell me what the "dickweed" said and how much he wanted to knock him out but he had to keep his job so, he ignored the fool. Around the third week of working with this jerk, he was miserable at not being able to whoop his ass. I mean no offense by this, my husband worked in the construction field (still does) but, most of the guys are sorry as hell, lazy as hell and high as hell. One day the phone rang and it was Joey telling me to come and pick him up. We only had one car at this time. So when he called I said, Joey, you didn't hit him did you? Please say no, you didn't hit him. His reply?? Not hard.=!!
Do I blog too much??
Took the kids to the dentist today. And despite the fact that she brushes a million times a day, Noni has a cavity. When she heard the dentist say this, she turns and looks at me and asks, "Momma, are you gonna tell the world about this on your blog?" And Momma says, "Of course, I am. We have no secrets now that Mommy is a blogger." She rolls her eyes and says, "Don't I know it!" She's 3. Dear Lord help me when this child is older.
Interesting fact of the day...
The A/C in the Jeep stopped working. I had to drive 30 miles into Savannah, in a vehicle hotter that Hades, with 3 kids. I was not a happy camper. And then this exchange took place:Momma, you know vultures have no sweat glands?Nope, Nicklaus, I had no clue vultures don't have sweat glands.Momma, you know how they cool off?Nope, Nicklaus I cannot begin to imagine how vultures cool off.Momma, (giggle, giggle) they poop on theirselves to cool off.So, Nicklaus, what are you saying, you wanna crap in your pants?
Are you ready for this??
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
First, skip on over to the Pansi Files site. There are no words in the English language to adequately describe this site. Geez, talk about having too much time on your hands.....you'll be left saying, "WTF????"Now, I love Chocolate as much as the next gal...but this is just too damn weird...get a life, please!!! Holy Hershey Bars Batman, what in the hell are you thinking each day? "Must find chocolate skyscraper, must find chocolate bikini, surely to God, this chick has more going on in her life than this? And surely there cannot be that many people obsessed with the product of the cocoa bean? Please tell me no, should I start a fund for psychiatric help? Who wants to put a chocolate wig on? I don't understand people who wear socks with sandals either..to each his own. Dangit....somebody call Mr. Wonka..one of those dang Oompa Loompas escaped and is holding this poor girl hostage. Oompa Oompa oompiddy doo...I have a very sick chica for you!
Yep....that's me a big ol' copycat. There are all kinds of special little things that certain bloggers do each week. Wonder Blogs on Wednesday, Katy used to do it, Momma-2-b Christy does a Wednesday Wonder Blog. Gennie does a Jambalaya post weekly. Mama Duck has Way Back Wednesdays every week. The list could go on and on. Well, I've thought long and hard. My contribution to a weekly event in blogdom?? I went with something that defines me, I suppose. Weird, Nutz, Bizarre, and Twisted (only the beginning of the list dearies!) What did I come up with, you ask? WEIRDO WEDNESDAY!! (Please let me know if someone else already does this.) Every Wednesday I'll post a few links to weird blogs, web pages, pictures, products, etc...and as usual post a witty sentence or two about each. On Fridays, and this is not in tune with my silly side, this goes straight to my Queen of Thrifty, I'll have Freebie Fridays where I'll give you a few links for things that you can get for free. I may even post an awesome online sale or two. So, let me know what you think, would any of this interest anybody that reads my blog? :)
What the hell do ya say to that?
Since we live in the boonies I'm used to having a legion of small black ants, we call them "sugar ants" some refer to them as "pissants." When I read that, I kinda like pissant better, because the piss me right the hell off. These creatures are harder than out of town guests to get rid of. I've tried everything, sprays, traps, grits (supposedly they eat them and blow up, much like sea gulls and Alka-Seltzer, I guess) and the little pests just change their entry point. Well, I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom. I saw some sort of small mound of black ants, upon closer inspection I saw that a small piece of cheese had been put on the windowsill. I looked around and yep, the bathtub had one as well. I went and asked Noni, and I knew the chances of it not being her putting it in there were slim to none, "Why did you put cheese all over the dang bathroom??" Her reply, "I didn't want the ants to get hungry." Oh hell, I had to come in here and gather the cheese and ants up in a wad of toilet paper and she followed. "Mommy, what are you doing???" I looked at her and said, "You know how those people call us all the time for vacations? Well, these little ants have just won a cruise...say Bon Voyage!!" (flush) She was not traumatized, she just asked me how I knew they could swim. "Easy I told her, there are plenty of lifeguards."
Click on the clock...
See it over there? My friend and web designer extraordinaire, Gennie over at Dizzy-Girl is participating in the blogathon 2005. Show some support, okay????
My husband is a cross-dresser...
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
My husband knows I am posting this, and as long as none of the guys at work read it...he's cool with it. Seems hubby had a little fashion faux pas this morning when he dressed for work. Last time I did laundry, I guess I put a pair of my denim shorts in his drawer. Seeing as how he's always hitting the snooze button and ending up running around like a deranged chicken, he didn't notice this. Yep, he put on a pair of my shorts and wore them to work. (Yes, they are very big on me, they don't fit anymore.) Anyway, he called me from work around 4 o'clock or so and asked if I had a pair of jeans shorts with a hole in the pocket, I said yep. He then knew why he had to carry his wallet(wouldn't fit in the back pocket,) why they were so short when he sat down, they are long on me, I'm 5'5", he's 6'2", they were damn near Daisy Dukes when he sat down, and the final insult to injury? In his own words, "I had no place for my cods to go and my pecker was in a knot." Guess I never have to wonder if I'll come home and find him dressed in my lingerie.....Bwahahahahah...I love my husband!
You have gotta do this!!
Kids don't come with instructions...
I was thinking today of how I was going to be the perfect, peace loving momma to my firstborn boy, Nicklaus. No violent toys of any kind would I buy. Guns breed violence, ya know? Two words, Dumbass Me. My husband let me take this stance, he knew it wouldn't be long before it ended. I was raised with guns, taught to respect them, so where in the hell did I get this crazy ass idea? Who knows, hormonal pregnancy and one too many articles in those useless parenting magazines, I suppose. OMG, I was so adamant, when we went to my sister's house and her son broke out his plastic Uzis, M-16's, pistols and rifles? I took my son into the den with me. "He's not allowed to play with those. He has no clue what a weapon is." Silly bitch that I was. When Nicklaus, my non-violent little cherub was playing in the yard one day, he was around one, he picked up a regular old stick, pointed it at a bird and screamed, "Boom, Boom, Bang, Bang." WTF?? Hadn't I kept all semblence of weaponry away from him? When my sister gave me the hand-me-down camoflague outfits and toy guns, didn't I get rid of them?? Then, let me tell you honey, they sky parted, the sun shone down on my boy and I swear I heard a voice proclaim, "HE IS A BOY, AND, ALL BOYS (AND YOU WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH, MOST GIRLS) PLAY THIS WAY, I CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH, AND ALSO COWBOYS AND INDIANS, COPS AND ROBBERS, SO GIVE IT A REST HONEY, LET HIM BE A BOY." And, I listened to this voice, I took the words upon my heart, and yes, dear sisters and brothers, I allowed my husband to buy the boy a cowboy hat, a gun belt with pistol and cowboy boots. And my father, Poppy, saw this, and saw that it was good, and put his arm around the boy's father and said, "you have done well, I am well pleased, now go forth and show this boy the pleasures of simulated gun play and when he is old enough, train him with a real firearm to respect and take care of and he will never be careless." So, there ya go...the beginning of a southern redneck in the making, but one that will never take a gun to school and blow away the student body, because guns aren't some shrouded mystery, some solution to bullies. Guns are to be respected and feared and loved. I'm not saying just let them run wild with them...in fact, even with toy guns, unless used in a game of cops & robbers, or robots and ninjas(lol), they are NEVER pointed at another person. Teach them right from the beginning. Oh yeah...that camo thing..Noni had a camo outfit with Daddy's Little Dear on it at 6 months. It had lace and a matching headband..It was a designer outfit..WHAT???...You live and learn...
Hanoi Jane strikes again!!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Let's just call her
" this time. I guess the born-again Christian act got old so she went back to the familiar to get her name in the papers again. And, being the ever so environmentally conscious person she is, she's gonna be in a bus that runs on vegetable oil. Maybe it will catch on fire and fry her stupid ass a nice, crispy golden brown.
I've been tagged....
I had no clue what this "Tag you're it" was about, then Maeve
explained it to me. So, here are my 10 turn ons and 10 turn offs, in no particular order.
10 Turn Ons
Tall Men that are cute
Guys with long hair
Big Penises (yep, I am very happily married)
Kisses on the back of my neck
A Very Big, very large, damn near huge bank account
A sexy Southern Drawl (yep, hubby has that too...)
10 Turn Offs
Nose, Ear and Back Hair
Men that act feminine
Men that cross their legs like women, UGH!
Know it alls
And since I had to do this, I'm gonna tag Gennie, Katy, Angie, & Crazy Ride Lady!
Things I don't understand...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I am sure this list could be much, much longer than what I end up publishing. A lot of things baffle the hell out of me, but I'll name just a few.
- Why is it terrible to waste your mind only if you are black?
- Why is it that you smell something horrible and immediately turn to another person and say, "this smells like shit, here smell it" and the other person does.
- How come America accommodates everyone's desire to speak in their native tongue? If I moved to Mexico I had damn well learn some Spanish.
- People who profess to be Pro-Life yet will shoot an abortion doctor in a minute.
- Those idiots you see on TV reality shows about law enforcement who run from the cops. They never win, and where in the hell did they get the idea a 1972 Pinto can outrun and outmaneuver a cop car, helicopter and motorcycle?
- People who are raising their daughters to just say no to sex, and saying nothing to their sons. The daughters may not have to say no so much if the boys were taught not to ask. There are exceptions to every rule, and I know that teenagers are still going to have sex. But dammit...teach your daughter abstinence and then give your son a condom for his wallet? WTF???
- Why policeman always have to hold their big flashlight on their shoulder right beside their cheek. Why not just point it where you need it and go from there?
- People who actually sign release waivers to appear on COPS.
- Why A/S/L is the most asked question on the net. Why does it matter? I'm just here to play a game, damn.
- Anna Nicole Smith - enough said
- Why when you have only 2 kids, it's great, as in "oh, how nice" but when you cross that magic line and have 3 you inspire disbelief and pity as in "OMG, you have 3 kids, poor dear, how do you do it?"
- Women who have children and then pay someone else to raise them 40+ hours a week. I know that sometimes women have to work and I am not pointing at them. But there are women that focus so much on their careers that the only time they notice their kids is at their high school graduation. Sacrifices can be made.
- Women who try to be vindictive after a breakup and refuse to let their children see their dad, even though he is a perfectly wonderful father. Spite has a way of biting you in the ass when those kids grow up.
- People who say they cannot find a job. Hell, it may not be a dream job, but McDonald's is always hiring...get off your lazy ass, k?
- Women who play the "helpless" role. Geez, give it a break...you can need your man without acting like an uneducated twit.
- Men who won't pay child support. You are not hurting your ex, you are hurting your kids. And if she's a bitch and never spends it on the kids? Save your cancelled checks, so when the kid(s) figure out she's a neurotic bitch (and they always do) and you have them wanting to live with you, you have full proof that at least one of her lies wasn't true. "mom, I thought you said that sorry son of a bitch never paid one thin dime to help us out, he has 7 years of cancelled checks" this statement should be followed by, "Dad, can I come stay with you awhile?"
- How come Miss Black America is a wonderful way to showcase the beauty of African-American females, yet Miss White America is a racist, horrible thing that is not allowed?
- People who excuse their sons when they act like obnoxious brats with the phrase, "Boys will be boys!"
There are tons more...but that's my rant for today.
I have a question...
I was told that my blog is hard to read because you have to scroll back and forth. It's too wide, I spoke to the fabulous Gennie and she can redo it and make it smaller. It will take some work though. I'm curious, how many of you have this problem with reading it? It's set for 1024 x 768 and it can be scaled down to 800 x 600. So, holla at me and let me know if it's something that needs to be done....thanks
My Mother is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips!
I've alluded to the fact that my mother and I butt heads at almost every opportunity. I love her dearly, but, she is a hard person to get along with sometimes. My sister asks why I even get upset with some of the things she says or does. I told her because one day she was going to either let me get the last word or say she's sorry for treating me like a child. My sis says, "good luck, I'm almost 50, ain't happened here yet." And now, I will share with you a few incidents on how my mom thinks and conveys her thoughts and my replies, you'll see why we clash.The set-up: My family had been pretty faithful in attending church. Then my kids started getting sick, every week it was something new. The phone rings:Me: HelloMom: Are you coming to church tomorrow?Me: No, Nathan has a fever and Noni's really whiny I think she's coming down with something.Mom: Hmmm...the devil just won't leave y'all alone, he sees you in church so he tries everything to keep you out.Me: I suppose so, or they just keep catching whatever is going around like every other child.Mom: Well, you don't have to get smart, you were raised in church and your kids should be too.Me: Okay mom, I'll bring them and then the entire church body, of which 75% are over the age of 70 will be sick as well.Mom: I wasn't saying it like that, you don't have to get smart with me, just forget it
(click)My mom always hangs up on me...alwaysNext incident:My family had pretty much stopped being faithful churchgoers. The phone rings.Me: Hello Mom (caller ID is awesome)Mom: How's my babies doing?Me: I think Nathan is getting an ear infection and Noni has an appointment Monday, her throat is hurting. Probably strep throat again.Mom: See, you need to get your family back in church. God will take His hand off of y'all after awhile and that's how come they keep getting sick.Me: Last time it was the devil, now God making my kids sick, are they running a tag team on me? I didn't think Satan and God spoke, much less planned and coordinated their attacks.Mom: (click)
I could have went to jail...
Saturday, July 23, 2005
This post is bound to make someone feel I am a racist redneck, I am not, and if an African-American was writing about a white child it would be deemed justified because of all they went through. My thought on that angle is basically, it's bullshit. Yes there were slaves, yes it was wrong, and I am all for reparations. They should begin when any person living today comes to a designated meeting place and shows the scars on their backs where slaveowners beat them. If that is proven, I will gladly hand over all of the money I received because of their efforts. The whole reason I am writing that part is I want to tell you about an incident at the waterpark yesterday. And I am in no way implying that my skin color had any effect on this incident. However, I did see the individual I will tell you about walk past a group of African Americans and say "hi, how are you?" No such thing was asked of myself, even though we stood next to each other for a bit and had eye contact several times. So, it is only an assumption on my part that this girl was possible raised to have no respect for adults, mainly white adults. On with the story, Nicklaus was standing in line for one of the attractions as the waterpark. Where he was waiting, a pool adjoined the area and a rope was in place to separate swimmers and climbers, (this is the activity he was waiting to do," anyway, there were 2 lines and standing beside Noni and I in the pool was a teenage girl who appeared to be about 14-15 years old. Nicklaus was still in line and on the next line one of this girl friend's was getting ready to cross. Now keep in mind, waterpark or not, the noise level was not high at all. So, while the one girl is going across, the girl next to us starts some kind of tribal chant, beat and all. "C'mon gurl..you can do it, c'mon g'yurl you can do it, you can fall, you can fall...yeah, uh huh, uh huh, do it girl, do it girl, do it girl..." Well, this went on for about 5 minutes, non stop until the girl completed her mission. Then another friend was up. OMG...this girl preceded to do the whole thing all over again. Keep in mind we were blessed to hear this chant about 10 minutes if not longer. It grated on one's nerves much like those women in Pakistan that do that tongue clicking thing while screeching. Finally, one little boy, he looked to be about 4-5 years old that was in line looked at ther and said ,"My God...could you please just shut up?" Perhaps that was not the proper way to handle it, but no one around seemed to mind. Well, that was when the head bobbing began honey. "Who you talkin'to, I ain't yo mamma, you may talk to yo mamma that way, but you ain't gonna damn talk to me that way, you need to go tell yo mamma to shutup..." ON and on and on...and let me point out that this girl kept looking at me when she said this, this showed me 2 things, 1) she thought I was his mother and she didn't care one bit and 2) even if I was not the mother she had no respect for herself, children or adults because her next and loudest statement to the little boy was , "yeah...you need to shut your f**king mouth up you little white ass cracker." Oh boy, I could feel my blood pressure rising, I looked at this obnoxious little shit and said, "Look, that kid is not my son, the one behind him is, so don't think I am just upset because I think you are messing with my son, why would you even say something like that to a child? Is something wrong with you? How would you feel if he dropped the "N" word on you? Oh that would be godawful then, however you can insult him by referencing his skin color? Honey, you are gonna find out soon enough that the race immunity card you feel you carry has expired. I hear one more word outta your mouth like that and as much as I'd love to stomp the crap out of you, I don't feel like going to jail and terrorizing my kids, so I'll resort to going straight up there to the lifeguard and get your loud obnoxious butt thrown out of here so fast your big head will spin." She just stared at me for a second and said something under her breath. I did the standard "Excuse me? You have something to add to that?" Her reply, she got out of the pool and we did not see her again. I did kind of expect the African American Mommy Mafia to hunt me down, but I never even saw anyone she could have actually belonged to. Lack of parental supervision does this world so much good.
Be Careful What You Ask For
BOOB SHOT REMOVED!
when you knockers as big as mine, it's hard to take a photo of your chest without them..lol
Well, we went to a waterpark yesterday. We had a good time, the kids were actually acting like normal children and not escaped circus animals. I slathered a ton of sunscreen on both of them, (the baby was at my mom's house,) Nicklaus asked, "Momma, you're not gonna put any on?" And I replied, "Nope, I need some sun." I got some sun, can you tell?
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!
Friday, July 22, 2005
I love my new blog template thingy!! Isn't Gennie
one of the most talented bad-ass bitches in the world? And, she considers that a compliment...as do I. So if you need a new blog template thingy, go see her HERE
or check out some of her work HERE
. GENNIE...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
Yep...they are selling it...I swear...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
For the woman who has everything...or maybe the man. A huge tomato, gifted with a...ummm....well...okay...it has a WOOZLE...(if you don't know what one is click on it) please if you think your child will be offended by this erogenous fruit... do not click. I would give you the Ebay link, but stuffy old Ebay pulled the auction. Damn...I was gonna bid too...The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes might have been a blockbuster if this little guy had the lead...
Tired of the Same Old Shit?
Now who doesn't get tired of pooping the same old way everyday? With this innovative product, The Turd Twister, you can truly give new meaning to the phrases, Holy Bat Shit, Frosted Lucky Charms, and my favorite, "I feel like Italian tonight." Also a perfect gift for the person that has everything or the ones that think their shit don't stink...now it can look pretty too!
Yep...these are the discs....they're a lot more available also...
Some people think they know it all....they don't
I would like to share with you a story of childbirth. The miracle of bringing your little miracle into this world, this will not be a story about pain, blood or the million other gross things that happen to you when you prepare to bring that screaming bundle of joy into this world. This story is much worse, sorta. I was overdue by a week or so with my girl Noni. My doctor decided to wait and induce labor on Monday, August 13th, 2001. That should have been fine, it wasn't. I begged, I pleaded for her to do it earlier or wait and do it later and she refused. Bitch. The reason I was so adamant? My baby boy, Nicklaus, was starting big school, kindegarten, all day long on Monday, August 13th and I was damn and determined to be there. So, Thursday morning, the 9th, I began my plan. I would walk all day if necessary to begin this labor, my little boy could not go to school without me! Oh lord, I walked, up the street, down the street, that got to hot, so I jumped in the car and walked the mall. I must have walked 7-8 hours total. The only thing I accomplished was swollen legs and I was very sore. So, being the determined mommy I am, I researched other methods via the Internet. Raspberry tea was one. I went to the store and drank almost a whole box of that crappy tasting stuff, nothing. Sex was supposed to stimulate something or other, damn sure wasn't me, I was huge as a beached whale and that was just not on my agenda. However, I made hubby a very happy man...until the third time or so when I exclaimed, "nothing damn it, how soon before you can do this again?" Suffice to say, I stopped this method in the next hour or so. Then, my mom told me about something my godmother did, I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE TO DO THIS, seems the godfather was leaving town on business and she was determined he was going to be there with her when the baby came, even if she had to make the babe come herself, she did the walking thing too...and then she did the following: she went to the store, bought a bottle of castor oil and drank it down with a little orange juice? Did she have her baby? Nope, but she had shitty walls in her bathroom to clean up. Okay, just because it did not work for her, didn't mean it wouldn't for me and Momma's gots to take her boo to big boy school. So, off I went to the 24-hour Wal-Mart. Got a bottle of the stuff and drank it with my juice when I got home. Well, about 2 seconds after drinking that stuff, I had a HUGE contraction, you get where this is going, don't you? There was no way that crap worked that quick, labor had begun on it's own. Off we go to the hospital. All your standard tests are done, I am admitted, in the labor room, hospital gown on, IV in, legs ready for stirrups, laying on those huge pads that you lay on when you give birth and all of a sudden I get the funniest, crampiest, OMG feeling. My nurse, whom had been really chatty and such, to the point she got on my last nerve, and she hadn't given me my epidural yet either, BITCH....anyway, I pinpointed what this feeling was, I told her, you have got to let me go to the bathroom. Little Ms. Perky, proceeded to tell me that it was a normal feeling, the something or other muscle was pressing and it just made me feel like I had to use the bathroom. I attempted several times to be polite in my disagreement with her, I've had a baby this is not that feeling. "Honey, I promise you I've been a nurse a long time, and I know about these things." She happened to get a bit too close to my arms and I grabbed her upbeat cheerful little arm, pulled her down really close and said, "Listen, I've been ME a long time, I know about these things, and when I tell you I have to shit, I have to shit." She smiled, said nothing,except "Honey, I know you feel like you have to," and that was it...I stopped squeezing butt cheeks, crossing legs, holding stomach and yep, I shit everywhere, all over the bed, all over the pads, everywhere...and little Ms. Perky did not say one word, she changed pads, she wiped me down, everything, Being the sarcastic bitty that I am, I had to say this final thing, "Gee, Honey, I told you I had to go, but with your nursing skills you ascertained I didn't have to, could you please run out and bring some spray back, it smells in here..." She returned 3 minutes later with the spray. 30 minutes later I had a baby girl, I begged the doctor on call for my doctor to let me out in one day, some nurse had to come to the house to check Noni for jaundice on Monday afternoon. But Sunday, I left that hospital, with my baby, My mom had the newborn in the car while I sat on a bench in a shoe store feeling the pleasant effect of Tylenol 3 with codeine while my boy and his daddy bought school shoes to me for approval, and I approved the single most ugly pair of shoes in the world. And Monday Morning? I was taking my big boy to kindegarten, of course. So, when you think you know it all...shit happens and you realize you don't!
I have some more heebie jeebie freebies, babeeeeey
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Since everyone seemed to like the last couple of freebies I posted, I thought you'd like a couple more. I'll try to post a few each week for y'all...I love free stuff! Free Sample of Tums with CalciumFree Samples from Dove (hair, face, body)Giant Dog Coloring Book for the kids - you download and print it out...cute one..if you have a giant dog, enter their photo in contest Free sample of Perfume by Shania Twain Free 5 lb. bag of dog/cat foodTide with Febreze Freshness sample & coupons
Hope you enjoy!
Ya gotta see it to believe it....
DO NOT CLICK WITH KIDS IN ROOM
SORRY I FORGOT TO ADD IT EARLIER....I do not think any words I have can do this post justice. Please visit that nutty woman, Livey, over at her blog and take a gander at her new love interest. I guess we not know why ol' Puff was frolicking in the autumness...heh?
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
In the spirit of raising my children to be accepting of this diverse world, I am trying to teach them about different types of people and their disabilities. Today is deaf mute day. I go onto the porch to smoke, yep, I'm a smoker, but we don't smoke in our house or car. I just don't think my kidz should have to smell like a walking ashtray or breathe in my second-hand smoke. Anyhoo, back to the point, I am teaching them that some people can neither speak nor hear. How am I doing this? Well, let me tell you, during on 5 minute smoke on the porch, I remained silent during the following:
He came to the door 5 times, each time opening the door,
telling me this sentence, "Mom, Noni is messing with my tray" He
repeated this sentence 2-3 times each, always the same sentence,
That's roughly 15 times I heard this, Kudos to Mom for not jumping
up and ripping his tongue out and wrapping it around his head. Yay...
The only variation was the last time he opened the door, he asked why I was
ignoring him. I used the opportunity to teach him about non-verbal
communication. He looked at my face, saw my eyes and ran in and shut
the door. Didn't come back out...if looks could kill, I suppose.
Time for Noni to get in on the lesson. She came to the door, and repeated the
phrase, "Nicklaus won't let me watch Lilo & Stitch, Mommy, Nicklaus won't let me watch LEEELLOOO & Stiyutch. She said this 25 times, I started counting when I noticed this was going to be an ongoing monologue. I still remained silent, eyes ahead, all for the betterment of my children.
No lesson needed, he just sits in the middle of the floor looking at them when they do this. He has a look that seems to say, "Oh hell, I gotta put up with this for how long?"
The lesson only ended when Noni dropped this bombshell, "Mommy, if you don't talk to me, I'm going to go to sleep." And that is where the mute spoke. I looked at her and said, "Well, that's a heckuva threat, please no don't do that...ya want a sippy cup & pillow?"
She didn't mean it. Tomorrow I think I will teach them about the differences in the human language or disabilities thereof. I may speak in complete gibberish all day when they run to tattle and moan. After all, being in this house with these children, after hearing the same complaints over and over and over and over....that's all that runs through my head all day....
Get a Life...
Some people have notthing to do but look for things to bitch about...ouch...now that was the pot calling the kettle, well, you know. Anyway, I would take 5 million of these flip-flops over the ONE that tried to enter the White House last election....
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...
Monday, July 18, 2005
After being forewarned that this may be a bit "dark" for my kids, I checked some online movie review sites, and decided, as stated before, that my kids could handle whatever Mr. Wonka had to throw their way. OMG...it was great! Much better to me than the original, this one is more in agreement with the book by Roald Dahl.The Oompa Loompas don't sing their traditional songs, but the new ones are great and hilarious. They perform in a Divo-Monkees-Metallica kinda way. There is only one Oompa Loompa though, he's just duplicated and triplicated etc. In a group of 50, it's all the exact same little tiny man. This movie goes above and beyond the old one. Johnny Depp is cute as usual just in a little boy kinda way. He does NOT remind one of Michael Jackson in the least. Overall, a great movie for the whole family. Both of my kids have already asked if we can buy it when it comes out on DVD. What made the whole day even more enjoyable is the fact that we went to the movies, 1 adult, 2 kids bought the huge tub of buttered popcorn, with 2 huge drinks for me and Nicklaus and a small one for Noni. Then we HAD to have chocolate, it's Wonka Land ya know? So we got the Junior Mints, Nestle's Crunch AND King Size Reese's. Cost for the day? $10. Free admissions because I used the Greenbax, special on the popcorn, coupon for free drink for Noni! And something that made the day a little funnier? In my rush to get all of us up and outta here, I did my makeup, put the hair up in my trademark ponytail, made sure everything matched, through in earrings, got halfway to the theater and looked down...I had on my extremely worn, rubber falling off Care Bear flip flops...quite a sight I was! They also had previews for a movie being made based on ONE of my all time favorites, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia.) Nicklaus and I ordered the book when we got home so we can read it together before the movie comes out. I am determined my CHILDREN will be readers...not illiterates, so we read together, seperately, in a group...well...you get the picture!
THIS IS NOT....
Sunday, July 17, 2005
MY NEW TEMPLATE...JUST SOME GRAPHICS/PICS I STUCK ON HERE UNTIL I GET MY NEW TEMPLATE...K?
Things I loved about being raised Southern...
Saturday, July 16, 2005
- Being able to go barefoot on a long dirt roads, getting those round stickers, sand spurs, in your feet...saying ouch, pulling it out, and beginning the routine all over. Now kids would sit down for 5 minutes crying, and need a band-aid. Or they won't go barefoot at all. If I did wear anything, it was flip-flops and you could see the white mark where the straps were and the rest of my feet were as black as a coal miner.
- Going to my grandma's house for a week in the summer, going to the country I called it...she lived in Sylvania, Georgia....it was awesome, I miss her dearly. It was so cool to go up there and have acres and acres of garden area, or the fields as it was called, (before the crops were in of course) to run in....it was even more fun if my uncle had already tilled it all up. You know, we kids ran from one end of those fields to the other....promised to "watch out for snakes" that was all that was required. Playing in the huge silo that had dried corn for the pigs in it. I was always told by my grandma that a little boy down the road a piece got killed in one of those last week, someone turned it on and that little boy got ground up before you knew it. That little boy died every year, from the same reason. We were told we'd better be careful playing in that thing. We still played in the silo.
- When I went to my grandma's house, my cousin lived across the street, to call anywhere on the "hill" all you had to do was dial the last four numbers....that was pretty cool to a "city" girl from Bloomingdale. Also, getting my name in the Sylvania Telephone for being a visitor at my grandma's. It was a weekly back then and anything was news.
- Sitting on the back of a pickup eating watermelon, spitting the seeds out and hearing for the millionth time, "if you swallow those seeds, you're going to grow a watermelon in your belly." If my grandma was around, she'd say, "people don't have "bellies" pigs do.
- Sitting on the tailgate of the same truck chewing up sugar cane and spitting it out when all the juice was gone....getting daddy to cut another piece.
- Walking in the barnyard with my granddeddy...yep, that's how you say it, or at least I did, and having him tell me to tell my parents what I stepped in over there...the reply? "chicken shit...!" (he died when I was 7, but I still miss him every day...weird huh?) After he died, being able to look across the dirt road to the church and the cemetary where he was buried, picking flowers off grandma's bushes and laying them on his stone. I also got to see generations of my family and where they were laid to rest. Never being scared a damn bit of being in the cemetary at dusk. Just knowing I was surrounded my family.
- Fishing all day "down" at the pond, catching brim, and catfish (that daddy had to take off the line with pliers) getting that nasty gunk on your fingers from the worm dirt...not caring...forgetting and biting your nails...nasty...but part of a great memory consisting of a cane pole, my mom, dad and me....my grandma coming down sitting a spell and casting her line in too..and catching more damn fish than we had all day.
- Shooting my daddy's guns, him standing behind me so I wouldn't get knocked on my butt from the kick. Me,being bonnie-bad-ass ,thinking I could do it myself, demanding I could do it myself, him giving me one of the ones that kicked less, but enough that I landed on my ass....bruised my shoulder too, I leaned against daddy from them on....until I thought I was bonnie-bad-ass again, learning I wasn't-AGAIN
- Being able to ride my bike, with a playing card in the spokes to make that cool clicking sound, and not have my mom come looking for me or worry about me unless it was after dark. Seeing her car turn a corner if I did stay out too late and knowing I was gonna get a yelling at and a ass-whoopin in that order.
- Never being scared of anyone or anything....my daddy and/or momma would whoop anybody's ass that messed with their kid...
I will be back...
And comment on the following Georgia blog thingy..overall it is correct...I'll let you know what isn't. Nanny and Poppy are gonna watch the baby so I can take my other 2 to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I've been told it was too dark and scary for kids my age to see. Bullshit, I looked it up and my kids would have Veruca, Violet and those damn squirels for a snack and then ask to see Mr. Wonka....Plus, with all of us being sick, I still am not up to par...but, I can sit in a dark theater and watch this...Johnny Depp...is yummy....and I don't have to pay...here's another Southern thingy...PIGGLY WIGGLY...yes, like in Driving Miss Daisy....I don't really shop there anymore, but, I still have my PFC and have enough for all three of us to go to the movies for free...so, I'll be back and I promise to be blogging regular again...and if this damn Harry Potter hooplah will get over then I'll have a new blog look as well...just playing Dizzy-Girl.
Not a lot of time to blog..saw this and related...
You Know You're From Georgia When...
Sweet tea is THE drink. No questions.
When a waitress asks what you want to drink and you say Coke, she asks "What kind?"
"Ya'll" is a word.
Atlanta is known as "The City."
You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.
The one way to be killed in .5 seconds is to talk about somebody's mama or talk bad to somebody's mama.
Krispy Kreme dounuts are the only kind of dounuts you eat.
Fried chicken is a major part of your diet.
When the Goverment started telling people to stock up on duck tape, you were waaaaaaaaaay ahead of them.
You walk into someone's house and people are sitting around smoking what they call "the garden"
On one side of the road there's Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field
You greet people with"Howdy, Whachu doin?"
You know what a 'dawg' is.
You know people who consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You still call the refrigerator the "icebox".
You call it a cold Christmas if you don't break out in a sweat in your new sweater.
Your whole town completely shuts down for 1 inch of snow or just the threat of snow
You know at least three streets named "Peachtree"
You don't know anyone who drinks Pepsi.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger... unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
People actually grow, eat and like okra!
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Georgia.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I have 3 kidz with strep throat....and...they gave it to me...be back blogging asap...with a new template hopefully...I found someone to help me..and she only lives 5 minutes a way....small world....Gennie is awesome...check her out on silver-logic, pretty cool stuff...now...I'm going to go and lie back down and continue my slow descent into death...
I have no new template...I have a buzz...that is all...over and out....
I think I can, I think I can....
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Have another Bloody Mary, Since I can't figure out how to manipulate HTML to my satisfaction....By all things Southern...I will design a damn blog template that I like...or one of the people I emailed will write me back and help. (Please notice the celery, it's the most important part.)
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
I desperately want to change my blog's layout to something that reflects me a bit more that this boring one. Can anyone tell me where I can go to find free resources to help me do this? I really appreciate it...Thanks!
Kids are great. As I've mentioned before, I am the daughter of a minister. No biggie, makes me worse behaved I imagine than the average bear. My mother has always cringed when I say curse "cuss"words. If you've read my blog, you know she's probably cringed somewhere in the half a million category by now. I try to watch my mouth...really I do, around her. And before some idiot says that I am an adult it shouldn't matter, let me say, It's about RESPECT. I love my mom and hate to cause her pain....when I let a bad word fly she actually looks like she needs medical attention. It's that old Southern Lady thing I guess. Southern young ladies aren't supposed to fight either, tell that to the numerous people that got their ass beat by me when I was a teen. Anyway, I had to take all 3 of the kidz to the doctor yesterday. All three have strep throat. Oh the joy. Well, back to the point. We started talking about the children's dentist. I was telling her that there is one in Garden City, a small town near here, that I absolutely hated. Well, actually it was the hygeniest I guess. Nicklaus, my 9 year old, went there when he was around 7. His baby teeth would get loose, never enough to pull and then the permanent tooth would come in and I guess give the baby tooth leverage and the baby tooth wouldn't be loose at all anymore. So, we had to take him to the dentist and have his baby tooth pulled as they became lodged in firm again. He was 7, I know adults that are scared of dentistry. This woman talked to my son like a dog. Tried her best to intimidate him with such award winning statements as, "oh my god...c'mon kid, I've had kindegartners that didn't act like this much of a baby." I will say that yes, you could see he was scared, but he was not causing a scene and he pretty much just wanted answers to his questions. His questions were valid, "am I going to get a shot?" "Will this hurt a lot?" You get the picture. Well, I listened to this stupid bitty for as long as I could. And here is the part of the story I've been getting to. As I was telling my mom this story and saying how some people shouldn't be allowed to work with children, at least not MY children, Nicklaus piped in with, "Mom, can I tell Nanny what you said to that mean lady?" Not really remembering which smart ass phrase I came up with, and never imagining that he would remember verbatim, dumb me, that kid knows books and movies straight through with only one viewing, I foolishly replied, "Why sure honey!" As soon as he opened his mouth it all came flooding back. "Mom said I could say this Nanny, when that lady was being so mean to me, Momma said, at this point I am thinking, "Oh shit, Oh shit, I remember,", Nanny, Momma told that lady, "You better never speak to my kid like that again, you bitch." LOLOLOL...You can imagine the face my Mom made. And my brilliant reply? "Nicklaus, that wasn't what Mommy said at all, I said...(SORRY MAEVE) you witch, you heard Mommy wrong." So, mom, ya ever think this weather is gonna cool down? Smooth transition, yes? LOL
DID YOU KNOW....
- A third of the children in Georgia come to school unprepared to learn.
- 75% of students who are poor readers in the third grade will remain poor readers in high school.
- Georgia scored 50th on SATs in 2003.
- One in four adults in Georgia operates at a low literacy level.
- Low literate workers cost Georgia Businesses $7 billion a year.
- People in the U.S. who are illiterate represent: 75% of the unemployed, 33% of mothers receiving aid, 85% of juveniles who appear in court, 60% of prison inmates
If you have a child aged newborn through 5 years, and you would like for your child to receive one free age appropriate book a month from the Imagination Library and your local team, please go here to see if you have a contact in your area, go to this site, Blingo.com and enter your county name and Imagination Library. If your county has this program you can get the contact information to sign your child up. Numerous locations have a sign up option on the web page. IF YOU LIVE IN GEORGIA, GO HERE and you'll be able to sign up online if your county participates. To learn more about The Imagination Library, visit their website here. If you are in Georgia and know of someone that would like to start a chapter in your county, then please contact me and I'll give you the contact information. I just interviewed the head of this program, my kids have been enrolled since August, 2004 and they absoulutely love it!! Hope this is useful to some of you!!
"Ferst Foundation is striving to include all of the Georgia preschool-age children in our exciting program. Literacy is at the heart of economic development. It is the single factor that unpins most social issues. People who struggle daily for survival and have done so for generations don't know that education is the way out. They don't know that it begins with reading to their children. We want to raise expectations with the hope that in 18 years, we will have raised a generation of readers.
--Robin Ferst Howser
It's the little things....
Monday, July 11, 2005
We all have big things that bug the hell out of us. I have a lot of little things, PEOPLE, the drive me crazy. It should be legal to just go up and slap the T-Total living shit out of the following people, just because they are dumb as hell and are taking up good oxygen on this earth. I would say headshoot them but then I would be a heartless bitch...so...this list is in no way complete, I reserve the right to add to it as I see fit:
- People that drive 15 MPH in the passing lane
- White teenagers from the suburbs that don't even know anyone that is black that talk like Tupac or 50 Cent...here's a tip...the Black people are laughing at you too.
- Men, and I've only seen gay men do this so sue me for being non-PC, back to the point, men that wear any sort of pants or chaps in which your bare ass hangs out. Save that for your bedroom, not the middle of Main and 1st during a 4 car gay pride parade. Your normal gay friends will thank you and you have no idea how much tolerance may gained by covering up the bootie.
- Okay, one more gay related thing. Idiots that ask lesbian couples or make remarks when they see lesbian couples. "Uhh..which one is the man?" There is no man, men have dicks, lesbians do not like dick, therefore dumbass, there is no man. One may be more dominant or whatever, look around, straight relationships are that way to.
- People that ask you for money for food. If they really want food fine, I will buy you a hamburger. If you want to buy liquor, be honest, hell, if you're that far down on society's ladder, I'll get you a fifth myself.
- Those damn greeters at Wal-Mart. If I wanted to be accosted by elderly people before shopping, I'd swing by the local nursing home. Put the damn smiley face stickers UP.... Geez...please...STOP!!
- Women that wear clothes 2 sizes too small. Please, if you sit down and your tummy touches your thighs or lower, do the general public a favor, DO NOT WEAR SHIRTS THAT DO NOT COVER YOUR GIRTH, damn...what makes you think we wanna see it. Think of the children you'll scare.
- People that piss me off by doing something to my children or myself and then want to run away when confronted....If you have balls enough to be a dick....then have balls enough to stand there while I whip your ass.
- Men that have to grab their crotch every 2 seconds during a conversation. I can promise you 2 things, 1)picking at it will not make it grow and 2) whatever you started out with is still there, if you have to check that many times then staying home with your dick in your hand is a great option.
- People who pick their nose with carefree abandon, and then eat them...that is sick...gross...and you need your ass beat.
- People who have no more home training than to dig in their asses for 20 minutes while standing in front of you in the checkout lane.
- Jehovah Witnesses that will not shut the hell up. I do not want your Good News, you don't have any good news for me, and what made you think the paper sign that says "Jehovah Witnesses will be shot upon knocking." was a joke, it wasn't. LEAVE.
This is my short list. I am sure I will add more later.
We are one and the same.....
I surely cannot be the only person who has thought of the similarities between being a SAHM and a person that is incarcerated...am I? I think not. Let's compare them together shall we?
Inmates are constantly supervised,
I always have children underfoot, watching everything I do
Inmates are not allowed to make phone calls any old time they want
I have to wait until the kidz aren't around or I spend more time telling them to leave me alone than I do on the phone.
No preference as far as meal times
I may or may not be hungry, but will have to make something to eat within 2 minutes of hearing "Mom, I'm Hungry"
Most prison food looks like scraps, I find myself eating what's left on
the kids plates
Privacy in the bathroom is not allowed,
need I say more?
It is a stupid idea to bend over in the shower,
It is a stupid idea to bend over in the shower, DO NOT keep backbrushes
within your toddlers reach, if you do the old Hershey Highway becomes fair game.
Convicts do some really sick shit to each other-fling feces, urine, vomit,
Moms get shit on, pissed on, puked on, you name it
Many convicts are eligible for parole after 7 years
Moms are looking at 18-20 and then your kids will bring their kids over so it starts all over again.
Please Bow Now....
Sunday, July 10, 2005
When we pulled up into the driveway after church, (yes, I do go, most of the time), the battle begins as to who can get out of the car the quickest. Nicklaus, sitting in front, had an easy win today. However, when he got out, he turned, saw his sister, Noni, had climbed out of her car seat and was in the front seat. What's a brother to do? You do understand the race is now who can get to the front door the quickest, don't you? He did the unthinkable, he SLAMMED the door in Noni's face. Quite miffed, but with a regal air, she turns to me, rolls her eyes and opens the door. What did my little diva say? "Nicklaus, you are not to do that, don't you know I am a princess?" That's my girl! God knows her daddy has heard, "That's Queen Bitch to you," enough to respect my royalty!
I have decided...
Saturday, July 09, 2005
I noticed earlier when my kids were playing with a box that had not made it to the big green garbage can yet, that this year our Christmas may be a little different. Yes, the little hellions do love their toys, but I have as yet seen the excitement and laughter accompanying anything that was purchased at Wal-Mart that a giant box can bring. Suddenly my kids have a rocket ship, a plane, a boat, a flying saucer or an underwater vehicle (sightings of Sponge Bob and Patrick included.) So, this year I am going to buy MOM something in a really big box and then find something else in a really big box. I will wrap them up and then when I unwrap them I will let the kids have at the empty box. To sweeten the deal? I am going to throw in the used tubes that the wrapping paper comes on so they can beat the hell out of one another for a while. When the ends of the tubes are too banged up to be swords, light sabers or guns? They can turn them into nun-chuks and beat the hell out each other with them. And I will be playing with my new toys, I don't know what I will buy yet, but whatever I decide to will come in big, big boxes.
Has anyone else noticed....
That your child could freefall off the side of a mountain, be attacked by a rabid dog, lose an appendage in a freak trampoline accident or come very close to severing a head and all it takes to fix it is a Band-Aid? It has to have Barbie or Scooby Doo on it though....just wondering if anyone else have noticed this or if I need to make a call to the New England Journal of Medicine. Let me know...:-)
THE FEMALE BRAIN
THE MALE BRAIN
AND THE BUDWEISER IS FOR...
Friday, July 08, 2005
My fourth child, the 28 year old I call Joey or asshole, depends on my mood...so, don't freak out...I did write that in the post preceding the pic...I'd never give my children alcohol...now Benadryl is a different story..what??? I swear I heard them sniffle...lol...
Here Ya Go, Katy!
Sorry for the lateness, KATY! Here I am doing what I do everynight. Fixing the night's libations. One Dora sippy-cup for Noni to drink now w/strawberry milk. I also fix Nathan a straight milk in a Sponge Bob sippy cup for now. Then another strawberry shooter for Noni in the Dora for when she wakes up and comes to our bed. She grabs it on the way, as she stumbles towards our room. The 3 bottles are one for when I put Nathan down to bed, one for if he wakes up in the middle of the night and one for Daddy, it's the Budweiser one. Hopefully they'll all fall asleep soon and I can come back in here and get on my computer!!!
Say Thank You, Feel Gratitude or Just Shut the Hell Up!!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
With the terrorists bombing the public transport systems in London today, I really began thinking about our men and women in the armed forces that are putting their butts on the line everyday for us. Even the loudmouth, ignorant assholes that say they are wrong. That's right, men and women are getting killed to protect those ingrates that protest this war and say our military and President are wrong to be in Iraq, Afghanistan and every where else that they are laying it on the line for us. Why are they there? Because in a world of far too many idiots, these heroes feel a call, a purpose to protect this wonderful country we live in. Do you think the terrorist action in London was a random act? Hell no, Tony Blair, God Bless Him, was one of the first world leaders after 9/11 to stand up and declare solidarity with the US of A. So, how dare these assholes demean our military by calling the casualties of this war a needless death, a waste of human life. What should be said to the Michael Moore wannabe loudmouths? I prefer Kiss My Ass, you can choose whatever you like I suppose. How dare you voice asinine opinions about the sons, daughters, wives, husbands, moms and dads that have lost their lives protecting assholes like you. How can you sleep at night? Don't you realize that these people are someone's family? Why would you want to make those who have lost a loved one in combat or military service feel that they died in vain, died for a lost cause? What would make someone so evil? I am constantly amazed at those who put America down, countries that would rather die than express any sort of admiration for our country. Doesn't anyone realize the complete stupidity of these people? Why the hell are thousands upon thousands trying to fly, walk, run, swim, float or drive to our country? Because we live in the best damn nation available, that's why. So, instead of running your mouth about how horrible we are to be in Iraq because no Weapons of Mass Destruction were found, why not shut your mouth and open your eyes. Sadaam killed THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of people in his country, if that ain't a weapon of mass destruction then what the hell is? Basically these idiots need to say Thank you, Feel gratitude that their undeserving sorry asses are being looked out for or just shut the hell up!! If you want to let someone know that you appreciate the sacrifices that they or a loved one of theirs is making for you, then check out the following links, tell them how much you appreciate them and their willingness to fight for your country. I know this list isn't all-inclusive, but I'd like to give you a few names and faces to put to the heroes that all of us should appreciate. And if I have forgotten anyone that I should have mentioned, I apologize!Katy's husband Clint serves this country every day. This lady has a son in Iraq. This lady also has her baby boy over there. This soldier is there right now. He hasn't posted in a while, I hope he is okay. This man will give you The Soldier's Perspective. If you want to read accurate reporting about Iraq and not what the mainstream media is reporting, we all know that they tend to show what is the worst light of our guys and girls over there, read Michael Yon's site. She is married to a soldier, and although she may be quite liberal, thank her just the same for her hubby and their sacrifice as well. You could also visit The Military Spouses Support Network to view lots of blogs by those whose other half is serving our country. The Mudville Gazette is a Military Blog Ring. I know Military Moms have a ring...I can't find it. Again, if I've forgotten anyone that I shouldn't have I apologize and THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO!!!
Sounds so familiar...
"The contrast couldn't be clearer between the intentions and the hearts of those of us who care deeply about human rights and human liberty, and those who kill, those who've got such evil in their heart that they will take the lives of innocent folks." -- President George Bush
"Today's bombings will not weaken in any way our resolve to uphold the most deeply held principles of our societies and to defeat those who would impose their fanaticism and extremism on all of us. We shall prevail, and they shall not.'' -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair
These extremist are going to stop at nothing...except total annihilation..Let's kill them all...Chief of the Nuthouse-Me