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I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

In the spirit of raising my children to be accepting of this diverse world, I am trying to teach them about different types of people and their disabilities. Today is deaf mute day. I go onto the porch to smoke, yep, I'm a smoker, but we don't smoke in our house or car. I just don't think my kidz should have to smell like a walking ashtray or breathe in my second-hand smoke. Anyhoo, back to the point, I am teaching them that some people can neither speak nor hear. How am I doing this? Well, let me tell you, during on 5 minute smoke on the porch, I remained silent during the following:

He came to the door 5 times, each time opening the door,
telling me this sentence, "Mom, Noni is messing with my tray" He
repeated this sentence 2-3 times each, always the same sentence,
That's roughly 15 times I heard this, Kudos to Mom for not jumping
up and ripping his tongue out and wrapping it around his head. Yay...
The only variation was the last time he opened the door, he asked why I was
ignoring him. I used the opportunity to teach him about non-verbal
communication. He looked at my face, saw my eyes and ran in and shut
the door. Didn't come back out...if looks could kill, I suppose.
Time for Noni to get in on the lesson. She came to the door, and repeated the
phrase, "Nicklaus won't let me watch Lilo & Stitch, Mommy, Nicklaus won't let me watch LEEELLOOO & Stiyutch. She said this 25 times, I started counting when I noticed this was going to be an ongoing monologue. I still remained silent, eyes ahead, all for the betterment of my children.
No lesson needed, he just sits in the middle of the floor looking at them when they do this. He has a look that seems to say, "Oh hell, I gotta put up with this for how long?"
The lesson only ended when Noni dropped this bombshell, "Mommy, if you don't talk to me, I'm going to go to sleep." And that is where the mute spoke. I looked at her and said, "Well, that's a heckuva threat, please no don't do that...ya want a sippy cup & pillow?"
She didn't mean it. Tomorrow I think I will teach them about the differences in the human language or disabilities thereof. I may speak in complete gibberish all day when they run to tattle and moan. After all, being in this house with these children, after hearing the same complaints over and over and over and over....that's all that runs through my head all day....