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This wasn't in my Mommy Manual....

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Okay...Nicklaus is 9 and a bit sheltered, I don't let him watch whatever he feels like on TV, or listen to music that uses adult words and such. We all expect our kids to one day ask the question, "So, how do babies get here, really?" I will explain this to him when he is old enough to grasp it. I am not one who thinks we should teach our kids the proper names for everything and go into detail for every question they ask. When I was pregnant with Nathan, Nicklaus asked me how the baby got in my stomach. My reply? I told him God didn't think I had quite enough on me yet so he decided to pile another one on. It's kinda like an experiment, He's waiting to see how long it will take me to lose that last little bit of sanity I am clinging to. I don't recall the word penis or vagina ever coming out of my mother's mouth and I am not emotionally scarred, feel like my "private" parts are nasty or have any big hang-ups with sex because I wasn't taught the "proper" name for it. Anyhoo...vagina just sound like something sick...as in she's got angina in her vagina....and Penis?? That's a word that sounds like it needs to be whispered, like on that game show "The password is Penis." Anyhow, this post does have a point...just bear with me. When Nicklaus was a baby I didn't think much about what in the hell to call it, I just knew that it wouldn't be something stupid like peter (there's a skeeter on my peter knock it off...) or dick (there's a tick on my..you get the idea) ding dong is something a doorbell does (ding dong your avon penis is calling) or pee pee (that's what comes out of it when you go potty not the actual "thing." So, one day I'm bathing him and what highly desirable name did I come up with? Well honey let me tell ya...I have a habit of just saying whatever is on the top of my head...so, I told my cute little baby to stand up and let me wash his woozle....Yep...Woozle, my sons, both of them, have been cursed to call their penis (ugh) a name that came from a bear named Pooh and his friend Piglet, I don't have to explain to you the giggles that occur everytime Pooh is read. But, if you look at the words of the Heffalump and Woozle song, it does kinda fit, doesn't it?

They're black, they're brown,
They're up, they're down
They're in, they're out
They're all about,They're far,
they're near,They're gone,
they're here,They're quick and slick,
they're insincere
Beware, beware, be a very wary bear....
They're extraordinary
So better be wary
Because they come in every shape and size, size, size
If honey's what you covet
You'll find that they love it
Because they'll guzzle up the thing you prize

Hey it works for us...but back to what I really wanted to share with you all...I decided to let Nicklaus watch some more movies, not just G all the time, we settled in to watch Mr. 3000 last night. I promptly fell asleep, Nicklaus did not...this morning I'm sitting in the bathroom, (as stated before, in my house this is a signal that it's family time) Nicklaus comes in and says "Mom can I ask you something? I heard this on the movie last night, some Spanish guy said it,what exactly does suck my di*k mean?" OH GOOD LORD NO....As is the standard practice in my open discussion, treat kids like little adults home I answered the only way I could, "That is not an appropriate statement, it's bad and when you are older you'll understand why." Unfortunately when he's older if he's anything like his dad, that will be the one thing you pray to get everyday, the holy grail of sex, the shiny trophy and the brass ring baby. Hey, he won't have hang-ups when he's grown...although my sister, in jest, said "tell him that's not nice....the devil made that man say that." Oh yeah right....saddle my kid with a complex about oral sex , (if this girl puts her mouth on my woozle I'm going straight to the Brimstone Motel) I've already stuck him with the term woozle, damn...what more could I do?