NOTE TO SELF...
Friday, September 30, 2005
This must be remembered in the future. If your two eldest children beg for a CD by Rapper and Wrestler John Cena, I am not really a fan of wrestling, I do like rap, not gonna aplogize for it. Anyway...back to the point. When your kids beg for the CD, and you Pre-order the EDITED version. The edited version due to one song having that terrible "F" word in it. And I have no reason to let my 9,4 and 2 year old ride around listening to that, now do I? Not to mention the numerous other bad ones on the CD. So, when you take great care to protect your little ones from life's naughtier words until they are older, I think that one of the most important steps you should take when listening to the CD's in question is for you, the mother, not to fill in the blank parts of the CD, the ones where the profanities should be, but instead are just blanked out, the MOST important things to remember are:
The song will go silent for a brief second, the offensive word has
been removed, you bought this edited version for that reason.
The song did NOT go silent for you to continue rapping like the
true member of the Chain Gang that you are, sorry, off the point again...
the song did NOT go silent to enable you to to rap the offending word
to the top of your lungs, thus making sure your kidz will know the
CORRECT way to pronounce it, with a proper Southern twang as well!
OKAY....OKAY...I will also admit that after I met John Cena, I began watching wrestling like a fiend, but only to get fuel for my little dreams concerning the Cena. I in no way cared about the other matches portrayed. This guy is fine with a capital F. I'd love the chance to call him "Big Poppa." (Sorry, another rapper reference...lol) This concludes "True Confessions from a Rap Listening Momma"
**What do I hafta do to get a peek at the champ? J/K...not really........
One Cool Site....
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Well, one thing that was really cool about last night's foray into hell is I got a dollar bill with this site- Where's George. Nicklaus is really excited about registering his, and my, money to see where it goes. He really wants to give an extra credit report to his class about it before the year ends. Check it out!!
May I Say Once More....
I MISS SAVANNAH SAM'S BLOG...IF YOU DO TOO...PLEASE SAY SO IN MY COMMENTS AND I AM GONNA SEND THEM ALL TO HER!!! MAYBE WE CAN CONVINCE HER TO BLOG AGAIN....SHE'S ONE OF THE REASON MY BLOG EXISTS.
IF I FORGOT ANYONE...SORRY....
I love you....you love me....we're a happy...family....YEAH...Alrighty then
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Well....hello there...I feel as if I’ve been in a war torn country helping uncivilized people know how to act in "normal" society. What in the hell have I been doing you ask? Well, I ventured farther than my normal shopping trip to "the place we do not speak of" today honey. I want my damn combat medal NOW!! Yep, I took all 3 of my
hellions beautiful children to the Mall. Yep....had Nanny there to help. And by Nanny, I mean my mother, what you think I can actually afford a caretaker? Yeah, right, if I could, I’d drink a whole lot less Bloody Mary cocktails, take a few less Tylenol P M tablets and look a helluva lot more rested than I do. We had Nicklaus the spaz child running hither and yon babbling incoherently, can anyone just come and slap the shit outta me for forgetting the ADD medication this morning? Not really, I’d hit back, HARD. The princess of all, Her Royal Pain in the Buttitis, Noni, sashaying throughout the Mall like a nightmare version of Christina Aguilera (if it’s spelled wrong, sorry, I am too damn tired to Google it) at 4 years old and Nathan, the angel child. Well...I’ll get to that in a moment. We went to Old Navy first, we had to buy Noni something yellow, tomorrow is yellow day at Pre-K. Next there will be a magenta day, and aquamarine day, and who in the hell knows what else?? (Just kidding, although I am not altogether sure that I am!) The day following yellow day, we have Farm Day. Now if I let her Daddy take over, he’d probably just stick a long piece of hay in her mouth and let her step in some cow shit on the way to school...but we can’t do that, can we? After listening to my eldest two act like they so needed a helmet and a space on the short bus for what seemed like days, in reality it was only 30 minutes or so, we left the first store. I thought that was it....woooheeee...we were through!! A quick stop by the "place we do not speak of" for a bandana (isn’t that what Ellie Mae wore? Hell, I don’t know, I am playing this one by ear.) Anyway, we were not through. It was Clinique Bonus Time at Macy’s....yippee ki yi yay.....Nanny had to go and get her makeup and freebies honey, I would have too...but we have color days now...I have no money for my colors. Anyhoo....as we were waiting for those horribly, insufferable, perky, bitchy cosmetic people to wait on us, Noni begins yelling, "Running baby, running baby...." I look and sure enough some woman, obviously unaware of the dangers of allowing babies to run freely without supervision in public, has let her child run free. He is running, giggling having the time of his life and my mom begins to say, "Surely that child’s mother is looking for him...." Before she can get the complete sentence out, I let out with the cry, "OH MY GOD...." and proceed to tackle the giggling baby...yep, it’s one of my spawn own...it’s Nathan. He has somehow, with my mother’s hands, both of them, on the stroller, unsnapped and slithered out the bottom of the stroller with all the stealth usually possessed by Indian scouts in old Westerns or Harry Houdini. He never made a sound, a motion, he took off around the counter and was outta there...like a streak of lightening. Of course he was giggling like a banshee....so, the next time you see a small child, laughing with glee in a store near you, one shoe on and one shoe off, cackling like a madman....look for me....and if I’m not there....you chase him...I’ll pay a finder’s fee...eventually. Goodnight now...I need my Tylenol and another cocktail!
SIGN, SIGN... EVERYWHERE A SIGN....
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I don't care if his woozle was made of solid gold, this is the PERFECT reason for a female to keep her maiden name or stay single!!
Wonder if he took the road less traveled? And if so, which one was it?
I live in rural Georgia...what's so funny about this one?? This is the PERFECT bridal shop if ya ask me!!
Wonder if they "leave the light on for ya?
Wonder what I'd get for mine?? Do they have a consignment plan??
I would think twice before purchasing my Bloody Mary supplies here!! (Note that a bunghole is the hole in a cask, keg,
or barrel through which liquid is poured in or drained out.)
Now this is a little strict...but I bet it's an effective deterrent!!
I hope you're gone if you're a customer here!!
I thought I'd drop a line to say goodbye...they are definitely coming to take me away SOON!!
When I took this picture, I thought it showed my two eldest with some dirt on their faces. After being in this house with them the last week during illness, and knowing I have 4 more days of undivided attention by these two, I decided to investigate my dirt theory. And, geezuz...y'all are not going to believe this, I swear, CSI could not have gathered this much information on these two demonic creatures quicker than I have. This is not dirt at all, it's sulfur and brimstone residue. They picked up while visiting their friends. In reality, these children are not really children at all!! They are known to be close associates of, none other than, Beelzebub !!! I guess that makes them like, junior deputys or something in Satan's army. What you think I am kidding? If you could have spent even half an hour with these 2 today, you'd be carted off wailing and gnashing your teeth!! I must have rebuked these two a million times, nothing worked!! Not even the tried-n-true "Get thee behind me Satan!!" Oh hell, now I know exactly what these two have planned for me....eternal torment, (well at least until college graduation or their first parole date) and for me to lose the one thin string of sanity I am clinging to desperately. Let's give a little recap of my day...shall we? I will only list a couple, to list more would require HOURS of typing time...and dammit...I'm tired.
Plan of Action # 1
If we fight and argue over the stupidest damn things, she will go completely insane
Asked these two to pick up THEIR stuff out of the living room....about 672 times. Finally, they started. After 2.2 seconds the eldest, the boy child, begins to chant, "Momma, she's not helping, she's not helping, she's not helping, etc..."
The girl child responds, in the most screeching, cut to the bone wail, "Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers, Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers.
Does anyone see what I mean??? WTF?? If you don't understand what your sibling says, then just try to match it phonetically to whatever you can. Hamburgers??? Now who in the hell tattles on someone for making hamburgers?? See, it is so moronic, it HAS to be some diabolical plan to make me pull my hair out and walk around in sackcloth and ashes, wailing, mind you.
Plan of Action #2
If we see HER do something, let's mess it up ASAP, that's sure to get her enraged and thus, she will yell loudly....
I have to own the world's ugliest couch, I swear, I posted a godawful picture above. The only way this couch could be construed as moderately attractive, is well...if you take a hit of acid or two while watching Pink Floyd "The Wall" and you could watch the psychedelic flowers spin. At least that is what I've been told. So, in an effort to at least try to keep it in this decade, I bought the world's most annoying couch cover, it takes FOREVER to put it on. I washed and dried it today, took FOREVER putting it on and, yep...you guessed it...as soon as the damn thing was on for 10 minutes, those two had jumped all over it making it come off again. Did I yell?? HELL YES!!! Was it loud?? Again, HELL YES!!!
I am sorry, this is just too strenuous to list more....and I have to get a double Bloody Mary...STAT....plus I need to find out how to convert to Catholicism and arrange for an exorcism as quickly as possible. If it is possible....
If if is not?? Then there are only three possible outcomes, they are as follows:
I will go stark raving mad and the men from the loony bin will arrive and put me in a nice, cozy straightjacket and haul me away.
I will be reported to the authorities by my neighbors for yelling so much, and so LOUD at Satan's henchmen and get an all expense paid trip to the cross bar hotel.
OR....I will be that frazzled old woman, we've all seen, that wanders around in her robe and talks to inanimate objects. While others try to figure out exactly how many rats slept in her hair too make it look that nappy.
Now...ask me just how happy this damn camper is that school is out for two days....I'll pay for the gas...promise....
Uh Oh...The White Devils have Done Done it Again....
"The Supreme Allah Of Dumbass"
Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan is telling his followers that the levees in New Orleans may have been deliberately "blown up" to kill the city's black population. The influential preacher was in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Monday, where he detailed his Hurricane Katrina conspiracy theory.
"I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach," Farrakhan explained. "It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry."
Farrakhan didn't say who he thought was behind the plot to blow up New Orleans' levees. The Muslim minister also blasted both FEMA and the Red Cross, saying their response to Katrina victims after the levees were blown up was inadequate.
NEW ORLEANS (Sept. 23) - Hurricane Rita's wind-driven storm surge topped one of New Orleans' battered levees and poked holes in another Friday, sending water gushing into already-devastated neighborhoods just days after they had been pumped dry.... (click date for complete article)
Now, my question is this:
Is this flooding due to the fact that the horrible white people damaged the levees to kill the black people during Katrina or...did some racist sneak in there and do it again? You know, just to be damn sure none survived that were left and to make damn sure no black people could return?
I'm sorry, (no, I'm not) but idiots like this man, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Ragin Nagin and yes, even you, Kanye West, set back the progress that minorities have made, in fact, in most places minorities are now majorities, anyhoo, people like this just set back any achievments, social gains, economic gains, political gains etc...that have been made about 150 years or so.
Damn that Bush and his magic hurricane machine....
Here Ya Go...On the Right Day and All...Dayummmm
Friday, September 23, 2005
For all of those who like to carve pumpkins for Halloween...here's some great patterns!!
Nah...really I think it's a great idea...I don't mind having the kidz home....really...I don't...I'm a mom..ya know???? I may even get to sleep until 7:00 AM...can ya dig it???
The following Georgia public school systems have confirmed they will will be closed Monday, September 26 and 27:
Jeff Davis County
This is in response to a request from Gov. Sonny Perdue for school systems in Georgia to close for fuel conservation reasons due to conditions in the Gulf of Mexico.
Please keep these ladies in your thoughts and prayers...
Yep...those 2 from Celebrating Women are gonna ride out the wrath of Rita...so, keep Sheri and SuZan in your hearts, thoughts and prayers. Geez...I hope they know what they're doing...but, they're really quite brilliant, so I'm sure they do...or it sure as hell looks like it to their families...LOL
Another Email I received that I HAD to share...
Yep, it's long...but it's worth the minute or so to read it.....promise!!
One Flaw In Woman
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
This is a good one...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Okay....This is a really neat little game for
MOMS the kidz. While I haven't actually let mine play it yet, I did test it out...and it's sort of, well kind of, oh hell, it's addictive in a good way!! Try it out!
The Armadillo Cowboy Gamehttp://www.wildheartranch.com/kidsclub/armadillo.html
Just as soon as I let the kidz have a turn at it...I'll let you know what they think...lol
Got this in an email...
And totally agreed with it...I had to share....Things I have learned from watching the news about Hurricane Katrina onTV
1. The hurricane only hit black family properties.
2. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane.
3. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.
4. New Orleans has no white people.
5. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.
6. When you are hungry after a hurricane steal a big screen TV and Nike footwear.
7. The hurricane did 23 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans,and now the city has no welfare recipients, looters, or gangs; they have MOVED TO YOUR CITY.
8. White folks don't make good news stories.
9. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet.
10. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts.
11. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the white folks will come get you and give you money for being stupid.
12. Darn, I feel so sorry for all those black folks.
13. Oh, and it is all George Bush's fault.
It's getting hot in here....
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Joey and I noticed that our house was not cool like it usually is. And I guess both of us assumed the other had checked the thermostat....we hadn't. Our bedroom was stifling!! When I finally checked the thermostat? Darling Nathan left his chair as evidence, had switched the temp to 90 degrees!! Don't ya just love kidz??
Another reason why I will NOT be named Mother of the Year...AGAIN!!
I have been one sick momma this past week. I caught some nasty virus and was either sitting on the toilet or leaning over it. Vomiting and diarrhea were the only activities I was up to performing until today. I was on the couch, in a cold sweat, awful stomach cramps, fever and just feeling like a bus had hit me. I got to lay there and listen to my 2 oldest fight like the Hatfield and McCoys. Everything was open to an argument. After the 2nd day, I'd had it. Now to hear my children tell it, my eyes began to glow red and green stuff was spewing from my head as it rotated around. Honestly? All I remember is sitting up, clenching my teeth and telling them the following: "I know I usually try to get daddy to not spank you when you've misbehaved, but, I can make you this promise now. I swear on all that is holy that today....today...will be different. I am going to beg him to beat the t-total living hell outta both of you. And, the next time you are sick? I am going to treat you this exact same way!!!" The first part??? Done...the second?? Well, they are both sick now...and I am treating them the same as always. So, I held up one part of my vow. I must also confess that I did have a bit of a sore neck, so perhaps my head did spin around...not much though.
Okay...so it's really
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Hey, I have 3...count them 3 kidz....I am soooo disorganized...but here's some freebies I hope you'll like!! Just click on the description of freebie....I got my razor and catfish recipe book, from previous posts, did any of you?
- Halloween is just around the corner. And here at Holiday-giveaways we're always giving something holiday themed away. From now until Halloween you can get free Halloween Scarey Sounc CD when you complete the following form.
- free pair of Hanes panties while supplies last
- Thank you for taking our short survey. Please enter your information below, so we may send you your free sample of our Paper Mate Flexgrip Elite! (first 1000)
- Free Dinner for Military Personnel nov 14 at Golden Corral 5-9pm
- Free Recipe CD from Simi Winery
- I have a ton of homeschool & teacher freebie links, if you would like to see them, please email me email@example.com
I hope there is something here y'all can use!! Have a great week!! Also, is anyone interested in buying a bear or ladybug costume for their toddler's Halloween costume? If so let me know...I have 2 bears and a bug....lol
Nope, I haven't learned not to ask yet....
Saturday, September 17, 2005
On the way to eat pizza this evening at Ci Ci's. Do y'all have those? $3.50 gets you all the pizza, drink and salad you can eat...Woohoo...a favorite eating place for this matriarch of a family of 5. Anyway...we passed a field and hubby exclaimed: "Holy crap, did you smell that??" To which the kidz and I replied, "No, what was it?" Hubby, the prince of comparisons said, "Hell, I don't know, but it smelled like a bucket of rotten worms!!" I had to say, "How in the heck do you know what a bucket of rotting worms smells like?" To which I received this reply, "You haven't ever left the bucket of worms in your car after fishing and then opened them up the next day or so?" "Um, honey, nope, never happened to me..."
Well, this is sure to piss someone off...
Thursday, September 15, 2005
But would it be my blog if I didn't? At least once in a while? I guess it's fairly obvious that I am NOT a Democrat. That being said, I have one HUGE question for the Mayor of New Orleans, the Governor of New Orleans and the various Senators and such. Democrats have historically courted the African-American vote, they fall shy of offering manna from Heaven or 40 acres and a mule for everyone. That being said, and knowing that Louisiana, primarily New Orleans has been Democrat run for the last 70+ years. Can anyone explain to me the high rate of unemployment? the poverty? the lack of caring by the elected officials? After 70 years, hell let's just take the present, with such outstanding leadership as Mayor Ray "You're on your own" Nagin, why weren't these people all employed, with vehicles, able to run at a moment's notice? And why has this clown not even once said, "well, maybe we goofed a bit?"(did anyone else see the buses underwater??? Drivers?? Drivers?? Just another lame excuse) Because, in the age of "let's blame it on someone else," he did as expected, he blamed everyone available and even those not available. Damn, just admit that you had some fault man. President Bush, took one for the team basically. Bush declared an emergency state 24 hours BEFORE Nagin even declared one. This is nuts, it's not racial. I'd be willing to bet that if we looked closely at who contributed what for Katrina, there would be a hell of a lot of white people's names listed. But, we're all racist. Whatever, Nagin is Nero....he was fiddling like hell when
ROME New Orleans BURNED drowned. By the way, Nagin and his family are doing quite well in their new home...IN DALLAS, TEXAS.
That Boy Is Talented....
This week Noni and I were on the couch just being silly, talking, laughing, etc...Just mommy/daughter stuff. If you read my blog you'll remember we got a new puppy, Sable. Well, as is the case with most new puppies, Sable has had an accident or three around the house. I always get the mess up, then Steam Vac it really quick, no problem. Well, while we were having this little span of bonding time, Nathan was watching Noggin on the TV. Suddenly we were hit with a horrible smell. It was nauseating. I assumed the dog had shit on the carpet again, put on my glasses and what I saw next was truly horrendous. The TV screen was covered with some horrible brownish goo....Next my eyes went to my baby boy. Yep, my little Picasso had got some special order DooDoo #2 out of his diaper and proceeded to paint a wonderful abstract piece right on top of Darling Dora. Cleaning
SHIT my boy's new artistic medium off of himself, the TV and the carpet was NOT on my list of things to do that day...however, I did it. Needless to say, I did NOT find any reference to this sort of activity in my MOMMY MANUAL.
Things I Will Never Understand...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Well, it's been a while since Mom's gone on a tangent about things that bug the hell outta me, hasn't it? Wait no more...I have both guns loaded and I'm ready to fire off a little rant for ya!!
1) Am I the only one that finds this ludicrous??(that means nutz or crazy by the way. I'm not referring to a rapper from A-town.)
My kidz' pediatrician used to be spectacular, above and beyond what anyone could expect from a physician these days. Alas, as most things go, the practice grew, new doctors came on staff and service got horrible. The receptionists are rude and then nurses? Well, let me tell you about the one that has Noni terrified of doctors now. This
BITCHnurse is horrible with children. She jammed a Q-tip thingy down my girl's throat for her strep test, it hurt Noni somewhat, she cried a LITTLE bit. This paragon of human compassion told my 4 year old to "act your age not your shoe size" and when I said, "She's never had a problem before," This nut replied, "It just must be my winning way with children!" WTF??? Of course, I could not let that one pass, I had to tell her, "You don't like kids, so yeah, I get it, pediatric nursing is the career choice for you." What pales in comparison with this little interlude is the conversation I had the the PEDIATRICIAN later. I complained about this woman and the doctor's reply?? Get ready for this one, okay, I swear this is what I was told: "I know, I've had several parents complain, we try to keep her away from children." If someone can explain how to get a job in a pediatrician's office as a pediatric nurse and not have to deal with kids, I'd love it. That had to rank up there with the top 10 stupid ass things I have heard in my lifetime.
2) While shopping in the "place we do not speak of"
I paid for my purchases via check. I wrote the check over for $20. Why? Because, that's what you do when your account balance shows in red and you know the check will get there minutes after your hubby's direct deposit does. So, I gamble, although I prefer the term, "creative financing." I paid for the stuff, was almost out the door when I realized the clerk, cashier,
dumb bitch, did not give me my change. I'm fine with that, mistakes are made. So, I return to the line, let the cashier girl know and she....ROLLS HER EYES AT ME. Never once acknowledging a mistake may have been made. She calls her supervisor woman to come and count her drawer. She tells the supervisor, "Like, I can't remember if I gave it to her or not." The SUPERVISOR sighs loudly and explains to me that "Now we have to count the drawer, close her line and run a total, it will be a few minutes." Fine by me. They do all that, giggle, and then hand me my $20 bucks. Excuse me, no words spoken to me, all I got was rolled eyes & sighs. I wasn't asking for groveling by the cashier, but I also did not deserve to feel like I asked them to scale a tall building or run a few laps around the parking lot. I took my $20, then told the both of them, "look, I don't really like working with the public either, however, I choose not too. The eye rolling and sighs, while a nice touch, are not really what they teach you in the Wal-Mart Customer Service College or whatever training they give you, is it? The supervisor did apologize and say "We've just had a really stressful day." I could only say, "I imagine so, if you're this rude by 9:45 AM. Y'all have a nice day, k? Buh-Bye! I'll drive the extra 20 minutes to Target from now on."
I got this in an email and HAD to share with you...
Let me know if you can read it, I could. I thought it very interesting!!There is a term Typoglycemia. This is what it refers to.
Believe it or not you can read this:I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.
Do the Laundry, Dammit!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Noni has an infactuation with bras and panties. She has a "set" for little girls that she loves to wear. She also gets her 2 piece bathing suits and wears them to sleep in her "bra & panties." She did this last night, her Tommy Hilfiger bathing suit were her jammies of choice. She did take the top off to go to school. She wanted to wear the bottoms, no big deal, I let her. Well.....somehow or another, (most likely Noni told her) the teacher found out she had on the bottoms. When asked why, what did my little angel reply??? "My mom hasn't washed clothes and I didn't have any panties so I had to wear these." Hmmmm......guess who's not being named mother of the year, AGAIN??? And just for clarification, half of the country could run out of drawers before my little one...she has way too many...but now...I'm the mom that doesn't do laundry and sends her kids to school with bathing suits on...ROFLMAO
Oops...I haven't posted like usual, huh?
Monday, September 12, 2005
There has been a lot going on in my neck of the woods lately, so, I've been quite slack with posting...I promise, the freebies and all will be back on schedule this week and later on this evening I will try my best to post something....It's just been a crazy, crazy time here in the deep South....but, it's my life, would anyone expect anything different?
Help Out A Fellow Blogger
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Many of you are familar with the Cat...the MOM IN THE SWAMP
..Her swamp was right in the middle of Slidell, Louisiana, Katrina's stomping grounds. Please read THIS and do what you can...anyone can send a card of support..everyone can remember this family in their prayers...many can do more. All is appreciated.
This is Awesome!
Please check this link out. It is really amazing what computers are capable of these days!Sony ComCam V7
May I Please See the Wine List?
I was watching a recap on Fox or CNN or one of those news stations and they were talking to one of the Katrina survivors. This lady was in a shelter, one of the Domes or whatever, and she really PISSED me off. Was she thanking God she was alive? Grateful for help received? Hell no, this woman was complaining that the food they gave her was not edible. The food? OMG...they dared give this woman crackers and some cold "raviolis" in a cup. Now, let's think about this for a moment, shall we? Apparently this woman was piss poor or stupid to begin with because she did NOT leave the city. Mayor, Governor or whatever be damned, I live in Savannah, Georgia. We hear a Category 2 is headed this way and the town clears out. The Civic Center a few years ago was the central meeting point for those who could not leave, they had EVERY city bus there transporting these people. But, that is besides the point, if this ungrateful witch was used to such high falutin' living, what the hell was she doing in a damn shelter? They were showing roofs with holes in them where people had CLAWED their way out trying to avoid being drowned, there were people stuck on roofs, babies that had died were tied to posts, 30 elderly residents that drowned in a nursing home, a 5 year old gang raped and throat slashed and this bitch had the nerve to complain about Saltines and canned pasta. People are swimming in waters infested with every bacteria known to man, shit and dead bodies floating by, and some of these ungrateful people are complaining that the government is not doing enough to help them, not feeding and clothing them correctly. This woman said you could hardly sleep, the cot was hard and the place noisy. Poor baby. I would love to have 5 minutes alone with her and I'd love to take her to a house that has corpses in it, let her smell the stench, feel the desperation and then maybe she would realize that the dead in this would give anything to have a cracker, see and hear people, lie on a hard cot. Instead, they are either floating in water, bloated or decomposing, rotting in a house. I really don't think this dumb bitch would gather that though. How could one person be so ungrateful? All I can figure is this. She is the same type that given the chance would have been looting stores taking handbags and televisions. She waits by the mailbox every month for the racist government to send her money and food stamps and then she complains it's not enough. Damn...it's not the government's fault that you were hit by a hurricane. It's an act of nature. And if you want more than crackers and cold "raviolis" then you should have taken your ass out of New Orleans and made reservations at the Marriott since you are obviously accustomed to nicer accomadations. If you couldn't or didn't do this? Then shut the FUCK up and learn how to say thank you. Maybe go over there and comfort the mother or father who have no idea where their child is, or the ones that know exactly where they are, and are now waiting for the body to be gathered and taken somewhere. Or, take a walk out in the city that you are in, maybe one of the snipers won't recognize a kindred soul and just put a round in your dumb ass and you won't be subject to the torturous conditions you complain
Okay...Egypt Had the Plague Of Locusts...We get Caterpillars???
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
This is what we found on our tree Saturday afternoon. Now just what in the hell did these things come together like this for? Was it time for the annual caterpillar United Council to meet? Are they hatching some insidious plan to take over Effingham County? Who knows? Maybe were they just having a little caterpillar get together? Or were these caterpillars "refugees" from New Orleans and thus exhibiting more sense than those who said they were staying to "ride it out?" I swear I heard these caterpillars speaking to one another and the accent was definitely Cajun!! Seriously though, why did these things congregate on our tree? Anyone know?
A Way To Help If You Can't Send $$$
Sunday, September 04, 2005
I want to help all these poor people who have lost everything, however ,I am not in a financial position to send any monetary amount of any significance. I contacted a couple of other bloggers who are in the Houston area and such. A lady in Mississippi , they are hosting thousands of refugees, read my comment on one blog and let me know that clothing for children is desperately needed. I have slews of clothes, nice clothes, I usually sell the clothes on Ebay, but, I am going to ship them to this woman to distribute.My kids also went into their rooms and got some toys to go in the box as well. One or 2 were semi-favorites, but they said "Those kids lost everything." Yep, I was mighty proud of them...it was a real Andy and Opie type moment. If you would like to contact her as well and help out then email her at this address:
firstname.lastname@example.orgHer name is Martha. You all have items either outgrown or just taking up space, so help someone out~
Portrait of An Angry Black Man
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Last night Kanye West announced to the world that, "George Bush doesn't care about black people."
I don't think that is true at all!! I've never spoken to the President. I've never seen him in person. However, I feel confident in my belief, that George Bush does care about black people. However, there is one he isn't particularly fond of today.
Jesus Walks, Kanye, Jesus Walks, Kum-Ba-Ya!
Driving Mrs. Crazy...LOLOLOL
Friday, September 02, 2005
I don't think I've mentioned this as of yet. But if you've read my blog, you know my mom can be, ummm...hard to deal with at times. I love her with all my heart, but sometimes she lives in an alternate world where no curses are ever heard, or needed, ladies never drink too much, and God knows they never brawl. Hell, I've done all three and will probably do so again before I die. My dad is, believe it or not, more laid back. He's a Southern Baptist Preacher. Anyway, my niece and her hubby are taking the grands, my mom and dad to the Bahamas for a week. They leave tomorrow. My niece has already spoken to Poppy (my dad) about the fact that the Bahamians may come up and offer some herb for sale, and she ain't talking about the kind you cook with. My niece just wanted to let him know so HE could talk to MOM about this. Mom, upon finding this out, wondered, "Well, she didn't even act like your daddy needed to be warned but I do?" I couldn't do anything but say, "hmmm." Didn't want to go into the explanation that Dad would probably stand there, hands in pockets, looking at the ones offering the ganja and say, "Nah, not today." and walk on. Whereas my mom, would probably look amazed, disgusted, frightened, outraged, puzzled or any combination of these five. But, I am sure she would utter her catch phrase. It's a great one too. We hear ALL the time. When a tragedy occurs, when somthing good happens, any situation, anywhere is subject to the utterance of those three little words, "Oh My Word!!!" My niece sends me the flight information for the trip tomorrow and the return flight. I notice the seat numbers and send the following e-mail:
27E, 27D, 27C, 27B
You're like right together?
Oh geezus...what were you thinking?
Or should I say, "OH MY WORD????"
My niece's reply?
I prefer a slow painful suicide.
Maybe The Looters Think Aladdin Has Been Here?
Well, that's one way to keep them out. Which would you be more afraid of?
I Married a Dork...What? You're Surprised?
As if in reading my blog you haven't figured out my hubby is a dork-o-ramus. Here is just one more example, to erase all doubt:
Me: Yeah (we have caller ID, k?)
Hubby: Yeah, yeah, can't you say hello??
Me: Hello. What? I am trying to get breakfast for this kidz.
Hubby: Damn...okay, can you call the doctor to make an
appointment for that complete physical the other doctor
told me to go get?
Me: Already planned that, I'll call when the office opens.
Hubby: Hey, be sure to ask exactly what they do. Exactly.
Me: Why? What the hell are you talking about?
Hubby: Well, if they need me to take my drawers off and all that,
I need to come home from work and take a shower.
Me: Hmmm...okay...but don't they always put their hands on
your nuts and make you cough or something?
Hubby: Yeah, that's right...okay cool...get the appointment as
late as possible so I don't miss a whole day of work. Okay?
Me: Alrighty then....
Get Your Free Hats On...It's That Time Again!!
Not Free, but You Can Save Some $$$
Hope you enjoy these & find something you can use!!
I Don't Wanna Do It Anymore...
I won't be doing a "weirdo wednesday" post anymore. No one seems to read them anyway...so...I am gonna stick to my once a week "Freebie Friday" Post which ALL the cheap people like myself enjoy! I will add another part to the Freebie Fridays though. I'll try to post a few links to fantastic deals you can find at various online stores. Hope you enjoy!!
World's Shittiest Toy
My sister gave this to the kids. This wonderful device was her son's. You "flush" the toilet and it eyes and lids pop open and the toilet will say such wonderful phrases, a couple of examples: "Whew, someone needs to light a match" and "Please, lay off the Mexican food next time" this is surely going to be one I store for grandchildren later on. Or, since I'm so sick of this damn thing, it may. just by chance, get into some HORRIBLE accident and go the Big Plumber in the Sky!!!
Thing #625 I Cannot Believe I Do As an Adult -
NOT ONLY WATCH WRESTLING, BUT KNOW THE NAMES OF MOST OF THE WRESTLERS!!!
As I have stated in the past, my son is John Cena's (WWE wrestler) biggest fan. And Noni is convinced that she and Cena are getting married when she grows up. I can't say her taste is bad. I met this guy and he is DAMN Fine....If you go to John Cena's Page on the WWE website there are two pictures of my kidz on the page! Now, if that isn't something to be proud of, what is? (sarcasm intended) Anyway, here is Nicklaus with the new
doll "action figure" that Daddy got him...and his impression of what John Cena looks like. Shhhh...don't tell anyone, but he's sleeping with it tonight...LOLOL
Another SPF...This Is All For You Katy!!
Mom Is Nutz...and it shows...no pretty furniture...just me...where I sit to watch TV..when I am not on the computer!!
Damn...Another "Tag You're It" From That Witch, Maeve
Thursday, September 01, 2005
That Witchy Woman HERE tagged me for this meme or whatever about books. So, here's my list of answers.
Books....books.....books1. Number of books you have owned: Too many to count, I have thousands. Seriously, I have tons of boxes in storage. Tons in cases and everywhere in my house.I am one day going to have a house with just bookcases along the four walls of one room. I read really fast, and will read the same books over and over also. Just a quirk of mine.
2. Last book I bought: The Adversary by Emmanuel Carrere (this is an awesome book of murder and the lies one man can commit and his family NEVER even knows he's a big fake) Also, France has a horrible justice system.
3. Last book I completed: Devil's Knot- The True Story of the West Memphis Three - by Mara Leveritt (this was a witch hunt pure and simple, these boys did NOT commit this crime)
4. Five books that mean a lot to me: A) The Awakening by Kate Chopin
B) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
D) Okay, I'll steal this one from Maeve, my kidz baby books
E) The Left Behind Series by Tim Lahaye and Jerry B. Jenkins (not gonna lie or try to explain this one, you either love them or hate them...I loved them)
5. What are you currently reading? Scream at the Sky by Carlton Stowers (ya figured out a recurring theme here? In the great majority or what I read,someone must die, horribly, in real life, for me to read it.)
Okay, I tag, in no particular order:
Not a funny HAHA post...but one I
want need to write
If you read my blog regularly then you've read the very amusing back and forth thingy about the Dora bookbag that the Queen of the Shit Bugs and I had. THAT IS THE LAST TIME I MENTION IT...IT'S STUPID, I'M SOOOO OVER IT..Anyway, amongst the many comments hurled back and forth were a couple that bothered me. The one about me thinking that people who are gay are better off dead - so not true. But, petty people say petty things. Anyway, the one that has stuck in my head the most, you ever had that happen, you are doing whatever, cleaning, riding, watching television and you hear something that bothered you over and over? Well, I do, perhaps that is why I am NUTZ! But, my mental health has never really been an issue has it? I'm not in therapy, I probably need to be, I don't take medicine for any type mental condition, and I probably should. LOL...Anyway, I consider myself a pretty "normal" person, as far as one can judge what normalcy is. Okay, here's goes my post. Father forgive me it's been a long time since my last confession...OOPS..WAIT...I'm not Catholic, and y'all aren't priests. So, I'll just do it in my normal way, or abnormal, however you'd like to view it. The comment that some asswipe left over at the OTHER site said this, " You do seem to subscribe to the rapist's credo of they were asking for it." (You'd never guess someone who calls himself Big Daddy Love would ever write something like that, huh?) So, could ya spare me a few minutes and let me tell you a little tale? Thanks:
Once upon a time, damn ain't that cheesy? Anyway, there was
a girl, she was 19. Most females are a woman at 19 but
this girl still held onto childish things, like a general trust
in people, a naive attitude that basically no one she
ever came into contact with would hurt her. She also wasn't really
concerned with settling down or getting serious yet. She was going to college,
she was partying. She was basically just living life and having a great time.
One afternoon, she went over to a friends house. The friend was a little older,
unmarried and with her own place. There were quite a few people there,
and the foolish girl began to party and have fun. After a while the foolish girl's
friend asked if she would like to stay over and go to the beach in the morning.
Of course the foolish girl said yes. Alas, the foolish girl had no clothes with her
for an overnight stay. So, one of the guys at the party offered to give her
a ride to her home and let her pick up her things. Foolish girl wasn't foolish enough to drive
shitfaced tipsy. The foolish girl asked her
friend, "Hey, is this guy okay?" To which the friend replied, "yeah, sure, I've seen him around the area for months." ( great recommendation) So, off the foolish girl went. She never returned to her friend's house.
Enough of the fairy tale shit. As Paul Harvey says, and now for the rest of the story: Yep, I am the foolish girl. I climbed into the truck with a guy that my friend had "seen around" hey, at the time it worked for me. On the way to my home, he stopped at a store, bought some beer, then started driving toward my home. Yep, both of us were drinking, I was in a more drunkenken state though. In our drive we were passing a hunting club. To those of y'all who don't know what that is, let me explain. A whole bunch of land with a flimsy gate in the driveway to keep non-members out. People go there and shoot deer mostly. Anyway, this particular club had a gate that was just pulled shut, not locked. And the guy says, "Hey, I gotta take a whiz, I'm gonna turn in here." Hey, I grew up in the South, most guys pull over and take a leak, it was nothing new. Well, he got out, pissed and them came over to my side of the truck. Following his opening the door, this is what happened:
Pulled me out by my hair, punched me in the face.
Threw me on the ground, bit me and punched me a few more times.
Tore my shirt, ripped my shorts
As he was finishing told me I was a stupid bitch and I shouldn't have ridden with a stranger.
Also informed me, "I did not cum in you, so there's no evidence you stupid cunt"
Stood up, spit on me, kicked me in my ribs a few times for good measure, kicked me in the face
Left, laughing as he drove off.
I really have no recollection of how long I lay there. I do know at some point I pulled myself up, made it to the main road and just by the Grace of God there was a County Policemen riding by. (just as an aside, this caused quite a bit of controversy, seems I was right on the line of 2 counties, no one knew who's jurisdiction I was in.) Anyway, the policemen pulled over, called EMT, took a statement, called my mom and then followed the ambulance to the hospital. I had 4 cracked ribs, 2 chipped teeth, a multitude of bruises, scratches, and cuts. I needed 12 stiches in some cut on my side that I had no idea I had. Oh yeah, and when he pulled me out of the truck he fractured my ankle and wrist. Anyway, I got the standard exam, no semen present, blah, blah, blah. I told the policemen my story. They went and got the guy. He had semen all over the front of his shorts still. He told the cops, "What, I was jacking off, is that a crime?" He was arrested and stayed in jail until the trial. I should note that my sister talked me into going to court and to this day regrets it, so do I. I made the paper, but of course, thank God, my name wasn't in there, as a rape victim they kept it out. I went to trial, and I say that in the correct manner. I WENT TO TRIAL. See, I was drinking, I got into a car with a stranger, I drank with him, and then they twisted it all around and reasoned that I wanted it. Did ya see my list of injuries? Damn, I am one rough sexual bitch, eh? He got 6 months for simple battery, he was on probation already so he had 3 months for revocation and 3 months for what he did to me. I still can't figure out why it was so important for the his attorney to know if I had a boyfriend and how sexually active I was. So, there's my sad little tale. Here's the effect this one bit of time, a few hours really, had on my life:
I'm not so trusting anymore. I can and do say that NO rape is asked for, however, some can be prevented. An ounce of common sense on my part and this wouldn't have happened. Some women DO lie about rape to make a point, and my take on this is they are vile bitches, if you've been through a real one, you won't ever use that against anyone. Did I take this experience and become a bitter, morose character? HELL NO!!! Haven't you read my blog? The only thing that asshole took from me was a bit of trust in the goodness of all, and I really needed that to be gone, some chunks of skin, he got some hoochie coochie in a forceful, dangerous and perverted manner. It's over. I did not lose my life, my sense of humor, my love of life, my ability to love or my peace of mind. I do not constantly look behind me or live in fear. Rape isn't about sex, it's about control. He controlled a few months of my life, the rape and the trial and such. And after it was over? I relegated him to the back of my mind, lived my life and loved those in it. If I would have become a scared person, fearful of everything, then HE would have won. And there is no way in hell that I would have let that happen. The latest news I have of him?? ....He went to jail about 2 years later for domestic violence, spent a month or two, when he got out he raped some other girl. Her brother shot him sometime later...Sorry, I love it...the raping bastard died. What comes around, goes around. I hope he is burning in hell. But if he's not, I don't care. He has NO place in my life, NO place in my memories. He was an inconsequential part, and it's over. Thanks for
listening reading! Now, back to our regularly scheduled humorous blog.