NOTE TO SELF...
Friday, September 30, 2005
This must be remembered in the future. If your two eldest children beg for a CD by Rapper and Wrestler John Cena, I am not really a fan of wrestling, I do like rap, not gonna aplogize for it. Anyway...back to the point. When your kids beg for the CD, and you Pre-order the EDITED version. The edited version due to one song having that terrible "F" word in it. And I have no reason to let my 9,4 and 2 year old ride around listening to that, now do I? Not to mention the numerous other bad ones on the CD. So, when you take great care to protect your little ones from life's naughtier words until they are older, I think that one of the most important steps you should take when listening to the CD's in question is for you, the mother, not to fill in the blank parts of the CD, the ones where the profanities should be, but instead are just blanked out, the MOST important things to remember are:
ONE:
The song will go silent for a brief second, the offensive word has
been removed, you bought this edited version for that reason.
TWO:
The song did NOT go silent for you to continue rapping like the
true member of the Chain Gang that you are, sorry, off the point again...
the song did NOT go silent to enable you to to rap the offending word
to the top of your lungs, thus making sure your kidz will know the
CORRECT way to pronounce it, with a proper Southern twang as well!
OKAY....OKAY...I will also admit that after I met John Cena, I began watching wrestling like a fiend, but only to get fuel for my little dreams concerning the Cena. I in no way cared about the other matches portrayed. This guy is fine with a capital F. I'd love the chance to call him "Big Poppa." (Sorry, another rapper reference...lol) This concludes "True Confessions from a Rap Listening Momma" 
**What do I hafta do to get a peek at the champ? J/K...not really........
One Cool Site....
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Well, one thing that was really cool about last night's foray into hell is I got a dollar bill with this site- Where's George. Nicklaus is really excited about registering his, and my, money to see where it goes. He really wants to give an extra credit report to his class about it before the year ends. Check it out!!
May I Say Once More....
I MISS SAVANNAH SAM'S BLOG...IF YOU DO TOO...PLEASE SAY SO IN MY COMMENTS AND I AM GONNA SEND THEM ALL TO HER!!! MAYBE WE CAN CONVINCE HER TO BLOG AGAIN....SHE'S ONE OF THE REASON MY BLOG EXISTS.
THE OTHERS WHO INSPIRED ME TO START THIS? GUT RUMBLES, LIVEY, MAEVE GENNIE (WHO DESIGNED MY SITE BY THE WAY) & KATY!!
IF I FORGOT ANYONE...SORRY....
I love you....you love me....we're a happy...family....YEAH...Alrighty then
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Well....hello there...I feel as if I’ve been in a war torn country helping uncivilized people know how to act in "normal" society. What in the hell have I been doing you ask? Well, I ventured farther than my normal shopping trip to "the place we do not speak of" today honey. I want my damn combat medal NOW!! Yep, I took all 3 of my hellions beautiful children to the Mall. Yep....had Nanny there to help. And by Nanny, I mean my mother, what you think I can actually afford a caretaker? Yeah, right, if I could, I’d drink a whole lot less Bloody Mary cocktails, take a few less Tylenol P M tablets and look a helluva lot more rested than I do. We had Nicklaus the spaz child running hither and yon babbling incoherently, can anyone just come and slap the shit outta me for forgetting the ADD medication this morning? Not really, I’d hit back, HARD. The princess of all, Her Royal Pain in the Buttitis, Noni, sashaying throughout the Mall like a nightmare version of Christina Aguilera (if it’s spelled wrong, sorry, I am too damn tired to Google it) at 4 years old and Nathan, the angel child. Well...I’ll get to that in a moment. We went to Old Navy first, we had to buy Noni something yellow, tomorrow is yellow day at Pre-K. Next there will be a magenta day, and aquamarine day, and who in the hell knows what else?? (Just kidding, although I am not altogether sure that I am!) The day following yellow day, we have Farm Day. Now if I let her Daddy take over, he’d probably just stick a long piece of hay in her mouth and let her step in some cow shit on the way to school...but we can’t do that, can we? After listening to my eldest two act like they so needed a helmet and a space on the short bus for what seemed like days, in reality it was only 30 minutes or so, we left the first store. I thought that was it....woooheeee...we were through!! A quick stop by the "place we do not speak of" for a bandana (isn’t that what Ellie Mae wore? Hell, I don’t know, I am playing this one by ear.) Anyway, we were not through. It was Clinique Bonus Time at Macy’s....yippee ki yi yay.....Nanny had to go and get her makeup and freebies honey, I would have too...but we have color days now...I have no money for my colors. Anyhoo....as we were waiting for those horribly, insufferable, perky, bitchy cosmetic people to wait on us, Noni begins yelling, "Running baby, running baby...." I look and sure enough some woman, obviously unaware of the dangers of allowing babies to run freely without supervision in public, has let her child run free. He is running, giggling having the time of his life and my mom begins to say, "Surely that child’s mother is looking for him...." Before she can get the complete sentence out, I let out with the cry, "OH MY GOD...." and proceed to tackle the giggling baby...yep, it’s one of my spawn own...it’s Nathan. He has somehow, with my mother’s hands, both of them, on the stroller, unsnapped and slithered out the bottom of the stroller with all the stealth usually possessed by Indian scouts in old Westerns or Harry Houdini. He never made a sound, a motion, he took off around the counter and was outta there...like a streak of lightening. Of course he was giggling like a banshee....so, the next time you see a small child, laughing with glee in a store near you, one shoe on and one shoe off, cackling like a madman....look for me....and if I’m not there....you chase him...I’ll pay a finder’s fee...eventually. Goodnight now...I need my Tylenol and another cocktail!
SIGN, SIGN... EVERYWHERE A SIGN....
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I don't care if his woozle was made of solid gold, this is the PERFECT reason for a female to keep her maiden name or stay single!!
Wonder if he took the road less traveled? And if so, which one was it?
I live in rural Georgia...what's so funny about this one?? This is the PERFECT bridal shop if ya ask me!!
Wonder what I'd get for mine?? Do they have a consignment plan??
I would think twice before purchasing my Bloody Mary supplies here!! (Note that a bunghole is the hole in a cask, keg,
or barrel through which liquid is poured in or drained out.)
or barrel through which liquid is poured in or drained out.)
Now this is a little strict...but I bet it's an effective deterrent!!
I thought I'd drop a line to say goodbye...they are definitely coming to take me away SOON!!
When I took this picture, I thought it showed my two eldest with some dirt on their faces. After being in this house with them the last week during illness, and knowing I have 4 more days of undivided attention by these two, I decided to investigate my dirt theory. And, geezuz...y'all are not going to believe this, I swear, CSI could not have gathered this much information on these two demonic creatures quicker than I have. This is not dirt at all, it's sulfur and brimstone residue. They picked up while visiting their friends. In reality, these children are not really children at all!! They are known to be close associates of, none other than, Beelzebub !!! I guess that makes them like, junior deputys or something in Satan's army. What you think I am kidding? If you could have spent even half an hour with these 2 today, you'd be carted off wailing and gnashing your teeth!! I must have rebuked these two a million times, nothing worked!! Not even the tried-n-true "Get thee behind me Satan!!" Oh hell, now I know exactly what these two have planned for me....eternal torment, (well at least until college graduation or their first parole date) and for me to lose the one thin string of sanity I am clinging to desperately. Let's give a little recap of my day...shall we? I will only list a couple, to list more would require HOURS of typing time...and dammit...I'm tired.
Plan of Action # 1
If we fight and argue over the stupidest damn things, she will go completely insane
Asked these two to pick up THEIR stuff out of the living room....about 672 times. Finally, they started. After 2.2 seconds the eldest, the boy child, begins to chant, "Momma, she's not helping, she's not helping, she's not helping, etc..."
The girl child responds, in the most screeching, cut to the bone wail, "Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers, Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers.
Does anyone see what I mean??? WTF?? If you don't understand what your sibling says, then just try to match it phonetically to whatever you can. Hamburgers??? Now who in the hell tattles on someone for making hamburgers?? See, it is so moronic, it HAS to be some diabolical plan to make me pull my hair out and walk around in sackcloth and ashes, wailing, mind you.
The girl child responds, in the most screeching, cut to the bone wail, "Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers, Momma, Nicklaus is saying I'm making hamburgers.
Does anyone see what I mean??? WTF?? If you don't understand what your sibling says, then just try to match it phonetically to whatever you can. Hamburgers??? Now who in the hell tattles on someone for making hamburgers?? See, it is so moronic, it HAS to be some diabolical plan to make me pull my hair out and walk around in sackcloth and ashes, wailing, mind you.
Plan of Action #2
If we see HER do something, let's mess it up ASAP, that's sure to get her enraged and thus, she will yell loudly....
I have to own the world's ugliest couch, I swear, I posted a godawful picture above. The only way this couch could be construed as moderately attractive, is well...if you take a hit of acid or two while watching Pink Floyd "The Wall" and you could watch the psychedelic flowers spin. At least that is what I've been told. So, in an effort to at least try to keep it in this decade, I bought the world's most annoying couch cover, it takes FOREVER to put it on. I washed and dried it today, took FOREVER putting it on and, yep...you guessed it...as soon as the damn thing was on for 10 minutes, those two had jumped all over it making it come off again. Did I yell?? HELL YES!!! Was it loud?? Again, HELL YES!!!
I am sorry, this is just too strenuous to list more....and I have to get a double Bloody Mary...STAT....plus I need to find out how to convert to Catholicism and arrange for an exorcism as quickly as possible. If it is possible....
If if is not?? Then there are only three possible outcomes, they are as follows:
- I will go stark raving mad and the men from the loony bin will arrive and put me in a nice, cozy straightjacket and haul me away.
- I will be reported to the authorities by my neighbors for yelling so much, and so LOUD at Satan's henchmen and get an all expense paid trip to the cross bar hotel.
- OR....I will be that frazzled old woman, we've all seen, that wanders around in her robe and talks to inanimate objects. While others try to figure out exactly how many rats slept in her hair too make it look that nappy.
Now...ask me just how happy this damn camper is that school is out for two days....I'll pay for the gas...promise....
Uh Oh...The White Devils have Done Done it Again....
"The Supreme Allah Of Dumbass"
Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan is telling his followers that the levees in New Orleans may have been deliberately "blown up" to kill the city's black population. The influential preacher was in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Monday, where he detailed his Hurricane Katrina conspiracy theory.
"I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach," Farrakhan explained. "It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry."
Farrakhan didn't say who he thought was behind the plot to blow up New Orleans' levees. The Muslim minister also blasted both FEMA and the Red Cross, saying their response to Katrina victims after the levees were blown up was inadequate.
"I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach," Farrakhan explained. "It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry."
Farrakhan didn't say who he thought was behind the plot to blow up New Orleans' levees. The Muslim minister also blasted both FEMA and the Red Cross, saying their response to Katrina victims after the levees were blown up was inadequate.
NEW ORLEANS (Sept. 23) - Hurricane Rita's wind-driven storm surge topped one of New Orleans' battered levees and poked holes in another Friday, sending water gushing into already-devastated neighborhoods just days after they had been pumped dry.... (click date for complete article)
Now, my question is this:
Is this flooding due to the fact that the horrible white people damaged the levees to kill the black people during Katrina or...did some racist sneak in there and do it again? You know, just to be damn sure none survived that were left and to make damn sure no black people could return?
I'm sorry, (no, I'm not) but idiots like this man, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Ragin Nagin and yes, even you, Kanye West, set back the progress that minorities have made, in fact, in most places minorities are now majorities, anyhoo, people like this just set back any achievments, social gains, economic gains, political gains etc...that have been made about 150 years or so.
Damn that Bush and his magic hurricane machine....
Here Ya Go...On the Right Day and All...Dayummmm
Friday, September 23, 2005
For all of those who like to carve pumpkins for Halloween...here's some great patterns!!
Oh Goody...
Nah...really I think it's a great idea...I don't mind having the kidz home....really...I don't...I'm a mom..ya know???? I may even get to sleep until 7:00 AM...can ya dig it???
The following Georgia public school systems have confirmed they will will be closed Monday, September 26 and 27:
Bacon County
Bryan County
Bulloch County
Chatham County
Effingham County
Emanuel County
Evans County
Jeff Davis County
Glynn County
Long County
McIntosh County
Screven County
Tattnall County
Treutlen County
This is in response to a request from Gov. Sonny Perdue for school systems in Georgia to close for fuel conservation reasons due to conditions in the Gulf of Mexico.
The following Georgia public school systems have confirmed they will will be closed Monday, September 26 and 27:
Bacon County
Bryan County
Bulloch County
Chatham County
Effingham County
Emanuel County
Evans County
Jeff Davis County
Glynn County
Long County
McIntosh County
Screven County
Tattnall County
Treutlen County
This is in response to a request from Gov. Sonny Perdue for school systems in Georgia to close for fuel conservation reasons due to conditions in the Gulf of Mexico.
Please keep these ladies in your thoughts and prayers...
Yep...those 2 from Celebrating Women are gonna ride out the wrath of Rita...so, keep Sheri and SuZan in your hearts, thoughts and prayers. Geez...I hope they know what they're doing...but, they're really quite brilliant, so I'm sure they do...or it sure as hell looks like it to their families...LOL
Another Email I received that I HAD to share...
Yep, it's long...but it's worth the minute or so to read it.....promise!!
One Flaw In Woman
One Flaw In Woman
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
This is a good one...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Okay....This is a really neat little game for MOMS the kidz. While I haven't actually let mine play it yet, I did test it out...and it's sort of, well kind of, oh hell, it's addictive in a good way!! Try it out!
The Armadillo Cowboy Game
http://www.wildheartranch.com/kidsclub/armadillo.html
Just as soon as I let the kidz have a turn at it...I'll let you know what they think...lol
The Armadillo Cowboy Game
http://www.wildheartranch.com/kidsclub/armadillo.html
Just as soon as I let the kidz have a turn at it...I'll let you know what they think...lol
Got this in an email...
And totally agreed with it...I had to share....
Things I have learned from watching the news about Hurricane Katrina onTV
1. The hurricane only hit black family properties.
2. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane.
3. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.
4. New Orleans has no white people.
5. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.
6. When you are hungry after a hurricane steal a big screen TV and Nike footwear.
7. The hurricane did 23 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans,and now the city has no welfare recipients, looters, or gangs; they have MOVED TO YOUR CITY.
8. White folks don't make good news stories.
9. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet.
10. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts.
11. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the white folks will come get you and give you money for being stupid.
12. Darn, I feel so sorry for all those black folks.
13. Oh, and it is all George Bush's fault.
Things I have learned from watching the news about Hurricane Katrina onTV
1. The hurricane only hit black family properties.
2. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane.
3. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.
4. New Orleans has no white people.
5. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.
6. When you are hungry after a hurricane steal a big screen TV and Nike footwear.
7. The hurricane did 23 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans,and now the city has no welfare recipients, looters, or gangs; they have MOVED TO YOUR CITY.
8. White folks don't make good news stories.
9. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet.
10. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts.
11. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the white folks will come get you and give you money for being stupid.
12. Darn, I feel so sorry for all those black folks.
13. Oh, and it is all George Bush's fault.
It's getting hot in here....
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Joey and I noticed that our house was not cool like it usually is. And I guess both of us assumed the other had checked the thermostat....we hadn't. Our bedroom was stifling!! When I finally checked the thermostat? Darling Nathan left his chair as evidence, had switched the temp to 90 degrees!! Don't ya just love kidz??
Another reason why I will NOT be named Mother of the Year...AGAIN!!
I have been one sick momma this past week. I caught some nasty virus and was either sitting on the toilet or leaning over it. Vomiting and diarrhea were the only activities I was up to performing until today. I was on the couch, in a cold sweat, awful stomach cramps, fever and just feeling like a bus had hit me. I got to lay there and listen to my 2 oldest fight like the Hatfield and McCoys. Everything was open to an argument. After the 2nd day, I'd had it. Now to hear my children tell it, my eyes began to glow red and green stuff was spewing from my head as it rotated around. Honestly? All I remember is sitting up, clenching my teeth and telling them the following: "I know I usually try to get daddy to not spank you when you've misbehaved, but, I can make you this promise now. I swear on all that is holy that today....today...will be different. I am going to beg him to beat the t-total living hell outta both of you. And, the next time you are sick? I am going to treat you this exact same way!!!" The first part??? Done...the second?? Well, they are both sick now...and I am treating them the same as always. So, I held up one part of my vow. I must also confess that I did have a bit of a sore neck, so perhaps my head did spin around...not much though.
Okay...so it's really Saturday err...Sunday
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Hey, I have 3...count them 3 kidz....I am soooo disorganized...but here's some freebies I hope you'll like!! Just click on the description of freebie....I got my razor and catfish recipe book, from previous posts, did any of you?
- Halloween is just around the corner. And here at Holiday-giveaways we're always giving something holiday themed away. From now until Halloween you can get free Halloween Scarey Sounc CD when you complete the following form.
- free pair of Hanes panties while supplies last
- Thank you for taking our short survey. Please enter your information below, so we may send you your free sample of our Paper Mate Flexgrip Elite! (first 1000)
- Free Dinner for Military Personnel nov 14 at Golden Corral 5-9pm
- Free Recipe CD from Simi Winery
- I have a ton of homeschool & teacher freebie links, if you would like to see them, please email me writing4areason@aol.com
- Free Address Labels,you do NOT have to make donations, but these are for a great cause anyway.
Paralyzed Veterans of America
United Spinal Association
VFW
American Diabetes Association
I hope there is something here y'all can use!! Have a great week!! Also, is anyone interested in buying a bear or ladybug costume for their toddler's Halloween costume? If so let me know...I have 2 bears and a bug....lol
Nope, I haven't learned not to ask yet....
Saturday, September 17, 2005
On the way to eat pizza this evening at Ci Ci's. Do y'all have those? $3.50 gets you all the pizza, drink and salad you can eat...Woohoo...a favorite eating place for this matriarch of a family of 5. Anyway...we passed a field and hubby exclaimed: "Holy crap, did you smell that??" To which the kidz and I replied, "No, what was it?" Hubby, the prince of comparisons said, "Hell, I don't know, but it smelled like a bucket of rotten worms!!" I had to say, "How in the heck do you know what a bucket of rotting worms smells like?" To which I received this reply, "You haven't ever left the bucket of worms in your car after fishing and then opened them up the next day or so?" "Um, honey, nope, never happened to me..."