Y'all have my permission to kick my ass if I ever mention, which I didn't this time, but if I ever mention asking my Mom if she'd like to ride to "town" with me. It's okay...I won't strike back...promise. I did just this thing today.

My day of utter misery began with the seemingly simple request, "Mom, you wanna ride to town with me and the kidz?" See, I had to go and pick up some school supplies, the kidz start school this coming Tuesday, August 1st. Yeah...that sux, why start school before September? But that is another rant. And honey, this one is gonna be good enough on it's own. When asked that seemingly simple question, my Mom answered, "No, I don't think I will, I need to do some stuff around here." However, Noni was at Nanny's house, and she is not one to pass up a shopping opportunity. So, I get the 2 boys ready here, Nicklaus decides he's gonna stay with Nanny and Poppa and just Nathan and Noni will be with me. Great....quick drive to the S-A-V (Savannah, y'all) and a trip into K-mart and home again, home again, jiggity jig. Yeah...right. When I arrive my Mom informs me that her and Dad are going to go, cool, fine, great....they take their car I save on gas, all good. Hell no it IS NOT.

This was at 11:00 am this morning. I got home with all three hellions at 7:00pm. Why you ask? Nice outing with the family? Let me see how to phrase this right...okay...WHY HELL NO!! Halfway to town I find out we are stopping at the hospital first, remember....Dad's a preacher, got to make those visits. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS. But, after my initial, "Oh Christ, all three of them in a hospital? With me?? Great." And the obligatory, "Kellie, you do not have to take the Lord's name in vain," comment from Mom. (Thank God she did NOT hear what I was thinking, cuz it sure as hell was a LOT worse) Anyway, I figured, okay, we can do this, they will act like normal children in this lobby, or else. Well, that was my first error. The second was believing that this "Will only take a minute." ONE HOUR LATER, after we'd been to the Meditation Garden, threw umpteen dozen pennies in some damn fountain, rode the "allivator", sat in the 5th floor children's floor waiting room (without anything for children in the waiting room) whilst Nathan would run circles around my legs, tell me I was "BAD," and yes, growl at me when I popped his leg, while enduring that, Nicklaus decided to tell Noni, "They say this is a children's floor, that's means this is where kids come to die, well, old people too I guess" I do the obligatory scaring the crap outta him maneuver, and, finally I see a glimpse of the end, the end of the general, well the end to the general "hell" that occurs when you take my children to hospital type places, finally Mom and Dad are ready to leave. I am completely exhausted, frazzled, and ready to try the insanity defense in my trial like ol' Andrea did. I'm somewhat relieved though, we're leaving, I'm going to get those damn supplies and get to go home. See, Kmart has buggies, shopping carts, "jail on wheels", hospitals do not...unless I injure the children, then I go to jail and they get to play video games and color in the place that people come to die.

We get in the car and Dear Ol' Dad then informs us, "Well since I'm right here at the hospitals, I need to stop over at MMC to see so-n-so's daughter, she tried to commit suicide and did not succeed, she may yet though, she's on a ventilator." "WTF???" "Daddy, please tell me you are not, please, I cannot take another hospital lobby with these, these things. Please." "Nope, I need to do this" "Daddy, she doesn't even come to our church, you don't even know her, please, she wanted to kill herself, if no one goes in there and talks and crap, maybe she'll at least think she succeeded." That, needless to say was not taken well. Mom tries to pitch in, "These kids give her a fit, do we have to go now." Dad said "Yes." That was the end of that debate. Mom decides, we'll sit in the van with the kids. Let's keep in mind, the high today was 97 DEGREES, with humidity and heat index thingies, that means it feels like 108 DEGREES and only after 20 minutes in a van with 3 kids with all the doors open did I ask, "Did you mean we are going to sit here and roast in this van and you're not going to turn it on with the air at all??" Upon my questioning this insane act I learned that "Gas costs almost $3 a gallon, we are not going to waste it like that." Makeup is gone by this point, hair is an oily mess, kids are miserable and quite vocal about it. I finally say, "Well, hell, if we sit here any longer see if they have an extra ventilator for me, because I am about to take whatever pills I have in my purse." Some children's Tylenol were all I could find, and a Vitamin B6 tablet. anyhoo, Mom then asks, "Well, do you want to go to the lobby then?" "Ummm...sure, at least hell in there has an A/C." "Kellie, you do not have to use such vulgar language." Vulgar, yeah right, you have nooooo idea. To cut it short, the next events can only be described as God's retribution on me and my immortal soul, sanity and general willingness to suffer somewhat silently.

After ANOTHER HOUR of hospital hell, we are walking once again to the van to go to K-Mart when my Dad's cell phone rings, someone has been in the hospital for THREE DAYS and he did not know this, now he must IMMEDIATELY turn around and visit them. So, I resigned myself to my fate, let my mother deal with my children and just listened to the voices in my head, which, by the way, were all screaming incredibly VULGAR things. All I said out loud was , "All I wanted to do was go to K-Mart, that's it, get some supplies, buy the kidz an ICEE and come home."

I'll just go crazy sittin' around this house..well, I'm already Nutz...surely raging f'ing insane ain't far away now, anyway...waiting to move...waiting for whatever the hell is needed now so I can move, so I thought I'd share a little story with ya. About a week or so ago, I was chatting with my friend girl, Livey (picture below) on the phone, long distance mind you, and another occurrence of , "Well yes I did give birth to them, but hell, I don't understand them, and no one told me I ever would" happened.

I go outside on my front porch when I am actually trying to communicate with another human on the phone. Why? Surely, you understand. If I stay inside then "THEY" are there and I'll never hear a word. This opening of the door, the admonishment that "Mommy is calling Aunt Linda long distance, please leave me alone a few moments", is actually an ancient secret code language for "Hey y'all, do some of the most stupid shit y'all can think of, but open the door every few minutes and interrupt me so I can lose the last thread of sanity I have." I guess my kidz are gifted, they know this language. Anyway, here a little synopsis of this conversation.

Me: Hey girl, how are ya?

Linda: (answers something)

all she can hear I am sure is me, teeth gritted, telling the SPAWN MY HUSBAND CREATED kidz "Get inside, I told you I needed a minute, get inside now....

Me: Okay, what were we saying?

again another attempt at conversation, again, nose flaring, teeth gritted, yelling at kidz...

Nicklaus: MOMMMM....Noni did a swirly.

Noni: MOMMMMM....Nicklaus told me toooooooooooooooo

Mom: Okay....what in the hell is a swirly???

Kidz: Well, it's when you stick your head in the toilet and flush it...

Mom: (yes, Linda is on the phone laughing her ass off at this point, just enjoying the entertainment) Let me get this straight, you stuck your head in the toilet and flushed it? Noni, that is what you're saying right?

Noni: Yes, Nicklaus told me to....

Linda: What does that feel like I wonder?

Mom: What? Sticking your head in the toilet and flushing it? Hell, I guess it feels like water runnin' round your head.

Linda: (Laughing gleefully)

Mom: Oh hell, let me grab the camera...This is surely blogworthy....

**Just an afterthought...I think Noni looks dangerously like a) Marilyn Manson, b) Courtney Love or c) a mixture of both in these pictures....***

I am trying to pack and every week we hear a new "date" for our move...this shit sucks...I guess we'll move sometime. My kids are registered at a school I'll have to drive an hour to so they can start in our new county.....sucks, I tell ya,

Another day, another lesson learned. Damn, and yet again, I had to learn the hard way.

The husband of the Nutz Woman, that would be me, woke me up Thursday on his way out to work. He told me the youngest Nutz Child, that would be this one:

Nathan was awake, and there is no damn telling what he will do if unattended. No, I am not talking about to himself, I am talking about to me dammit. Some atrocious mess that I will have to clean up. Anyway, I got up, got on the couch, by this time Noni had joined us. Nathan went back to sleep peacefully. I now know this was just a counter offensive move so he could wreak total devastation on those with whom he lives. Namely, ME. WE I was dozing peacefully when I was awakened by a bloodcurdling scream....it was Princess Noni alerting the troops, yep that would be me again! It seems like Nathan had the terrific idea that filling both of these up with water, stoppers in, would be a really cool thing to do:

It was not. My WHOLE BEDROOM WAS FLOODED. So, I had to borrow one of these:

WITHOUT THE ATTACHMENTS PEOPLE...I was on all fours, ass in air, sucking water for hours.

Damn, can I re-think this whole, "One more won't make that much of a difference" belief??

Y'all go and check out my new renter, mmm...kay? And y'all be sure to tell her I sent you all, ya' heah?

This may be old news to y'all, but I loved it and had to share.


Mom creates moving Marine Memorial
By Alejandro Alfonso, STAFF WRITER


PLEASANTON — Some people wave and take pictures, others give a thumbs-up.
Truckers yank on their horns as they pass on the highway. And wherever Karla Comfort stops and parks her H-3 Hummer, a crowd gathers to look.


The Hummer is a moving memorial to her son, John Holmason, who was killed in Fallujah, Iraq, on Dec. 5 along with nine other Marines. It has been airbrushed with images Comfort collected from friends and relatives of the Marines who served with her son. Alongside those images is a scene of warriors on the battlefield, Marines walking hand in hand with Iraqi children and saluting comrades among clouds shining with heavenly light. On each side of the rear windows are portraits of the 10 Marines who died on that day.


During the Alameda County Fair's parade today, the Hummer will be driven through downtown by Lance Cpl. Ian Dollard, who survived the bomb blast that killed Holmason and the others from his platoon. "It is probably the best paint job I've ever seen on a car," said Dollard, 20. He still has difficulty talking about what happened. His own image is painted on the driver's-side door. "It's hard to explain. I appreciate that Karla is going to let me drive it in the parade. I think it will be cool."


The idea to airbrush the car came to Comfort after she saw a 2005 Ford Mustang with a similar memorial for Vietnam veterans. "I just remember I looked at that car for maybe a half an hour, walking around it and I just thought, 'Wow, this is beautiful, what a neat thing to do,' and that was about six months before this happened," she said, referring to the death of her son. The reaction she has received, especially from those in the military and their families, is something she did not expect. "When I picked it up I was shocked because I did not expect all of this. I've gotten very, very, very positive reactions."


Another thing that I did not realize would take place with this Hummer is all of the retired and active Marines, this truck has become their truck as well." Besides the images, the truck is decorated with slogans. "All gave some — some gave all," is etched under a list of the 10 names. "John 3:16," is written over the back window.


Pfc. Jonathan Maltez of Fremont wiped at his eyes as he walked around the truck Friday at the fairgrounds. It is parked next to the Blue Star Moms table, where fairgoers can write to military personnel still overseas. "I was crying," Maltez admitted. "I usually don't cry."


Lance Cpl. Kevin Behrendt of Pleasanton went to high school with Ian Dollard. He also was standing post next to the Hummer on Friday at the fair. He looked at the picture of Dollard on the door of the truck as he related his feelings. "It's humbling to know it's that close. Some people don't get it, how close you actually get to your fire team, your squad, your platoon. There is a brotherhood there."

:-)

I went to the grocery store the other day, and by the time I left, I was ready to commit violent acts on the woman if front of me. I did not say I did, I said I wanted to. Why? Because she appeared to be just another leech on society. I walked in, $30 in my pocket, mentally added up everything I needed, decided what I could do without and then made my purchase. I got behind a very nicely dressed woman, immaculate blonde dye job, professionally manicured nails and very nice jewelry. I looked at the conveyor belt loaded with her purchases and proceeded to see she had WIC coupons for every type of Juicy Juice available, I did without the juice, bought myself some Kool-Ade for the kidz. Not only was the juice being bought by WIC, about 6 dozen eggs, 8 kinds of cheese and so on. Okay, nothing made me totally upset,yet, Who cares that my husband works over 60 hours a week, most of the time 70 or more, and we don't have WIC, we have what you call a BUDGET. She then proceeded to purchase the meat special, whole bone in sirloin which the butcher sliced for her, this alone was about $300 worth of steak she had, then she bought slews of other shit totaling over 600 dollars. She whipped out her handy dandy Food Stamp card and covered that purchase. She then somehow used the card to buy 4 cases of Michelob Light, I'm assuming from the money part of the card. And there I stood, mother of 3, wife of a husband that busts his ass working like hell to make ends meet with my hot dogs, hot dog buns, potato chips, milk, etc. And my purchase totaled $22.84. Oh yeah, she walked out of the store, climbed up in her brand new, shiny Lincoln Navigator. Okay bitch, you enjoy your free ride that society has handed you....enjoy that extra money...my husband works hard for it.

And one more... 

Some said they couldn't see the pic good enough...here it is..plus one more... 

Okay, the hubby, myself, and the two youngest spawn Nutz children went to Wal-Mart. Upon leaving, we noticed a blue tint in the Southern sky. What in the world could it be? Well, honey, sit back and I will tell you. It was about 50 police cars, blue lights going preforming a massive roadblock/registration insurance check. SHIT....Oh I forgot to mention that due to massive budget cutz in the Nutz Household- I did not pay the last insurance bill, I was saving it to send off in the mail the following day. Hubby was not aware of this. Hell, I ALSO forgot to mention also that it has been canceled for about 6-7 days. So, of course, we get a ticket for no insurance, not only that, I had not gotten my tag since the thing stayed at the dealership's garage for months....I still had a good 5 days or so on that written one. So, the no insurance thing meant my car was impounded. Loaded up on a wrecker and taken away like a common criminal. It's all good, I have tag, insurance and registration now. Yes, I know it was stupid, but I do what I do without thinking sometimes. The officer was really nice, he apologized for having to do this several times. In order to help him with the inner turmoil he seemed to be experiencing, I told him if he really felt that bad, he could just wave us on and we'd have no hard feelings, didn't work. He did let Nathan sit in the back of the patrol car while we waited for my dad to come and pick us up. In the following witty table, please keep in mind, I've mentioned before my hubby is bipolar, he has a tendency to get mad, angry and be just really ugly. I knew he was gonna rip me a new one, he did not.

I may begin posting these quite regularly as it seems everyday I learn something new from or because of my kidz.

I have a new renter, see her blog over there on the left? Click it & tell her I sent ya. I stole the following idea from her. This is what she says about herself:

Check out this NEW BLOG . She's a fellow Georgia Blogger, in fact she lives in the same county I'm moving to! Be sure you read the SNAKE post...friggin' hilarious!! Show her some love people...tell her I sent ya!!

A dear friend of mine was recently down South and was quite perplexed by the way those of us brought up in the South do things. It seems we appear two-faced and our actions appear as contradictory or otherwise an out-n-out lie. I've been over this six times til' Sunday and still can't get my buddy to understand that we are not really bad people, I do not presume to say everyone in the South is raised this way, however I was and a good many others as well. So, I thought I'd give a little tutorial in how we do thangs 'round these parts.

China Teacups.

Teacups? What the hell for?

Because I want to! We'll finally have room, I know just where I'll put them and I already have that really pretty one I bought at a yard sale a while back. Remember?

Uh, yeah, yeah, sure do.

Lying ass, you don't remember a damn teacup.

Well, if you knew that already....why ask?

***Update on my pretty "little teacup bought at the yard sale," Nathan saw it on the table, where I only walked away for ONE minute to grab something...Another fine idea shot to hell.This is what it looks like now:

Police: Calif. Man Kills 4 Kids, Himself
By OLIVIA MUNOZ (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated PressJuly 04, 2006 10:49 PM EDT


GUSTINE, Calif. -
A man who was seen arguing with his wife Tuesday later killed his four young children in their home with a hunting rifle before turning the gun on himself, officials said.


The children apparently died of gunshots to the head, and their father, Trevor Branscum, 38, died of a self-inflicted wound, Mayor Jim Bonta said.


Police Sgt. Vince Inaudi said the children appeared to be sleeping when they were shot. The evidence was consistent with a murder-suicide, but the department planned to conduct a full homicide investigation, he said.


Authorities identified the dead siblings as Aubrie, 12; Jacob, 10; and twins Taylor and Alyssa, both 5. The wife, Amanda Branscum, was uninjured, officials said.


The Branscums had lived in Gustine for three years, and there were no reports of domestic violence with the family, Inaudi said. Trevor and Amanda Branscum were married on Valentine's Day in 2003, Inaudi said. All four children were theirs.


Steven Morris, 18, who lived across the street from the Branscums, said he saw the family lighting fireworks on their front lawn Monday night.
"They always seemed really happy," Morris said. "I never heard any arguments from the house. It's sad because the kids didn't do anything. Kids don't deserve that."


The bloodshed came about an hour after a store owner called police to report that Trevor Branscum and his wife were arguing.
Amanda Branscum went in to buy a few things, and her husband followed her into the market, police said. The merchant said that as the woman drove away in a van, her husband dove through the window. The store owner declined to comment on the dispute that preceded the violence.


As officers searched for the van, police said, another call came in at 1:30 a.m. of shots fired at the Branscum home. Officers saw Amanda Branscum lying in the road uninjured; the bodies of Trevor Branscum and the children were inside the house.


Gustine, with a population of about 5,200, is about 90 miles northwest of Fresno in California's San Joaquin Valley. The deaths Tuesday were the community's first reported killings in nearly four decades.
"It's kind of shocking in this area," said 41-year-old neighbor Francisco Torres, whose daughter was friends with Aubrie. "You always hear about crime in other cities, but it's shocking because it's your own neighbors."
---
Associated Press Writer Justin M. Norton in San Francisco contributed to this report.

We closed on our house!!!!!!!! We will be moving soon!! All of my kids will have their OWN bedroom!! We will be gaining a little over one thousand square feet!! Hot damn...no more kidz in my bed at night!! Fortunately we will have enough furniture to fill it. However, we don't have any nice stuff to take with us, my niece is planning on giving us a housewarming party and she had me register at Linens N Things, such a pretentious act, eh? But, hell, we need some matching stuff so I can finally decorate a house and it will be mine. I will have enough room for moer than just a tree at Christmas.....yippeeeeeee!! (Heck, if you have tons of Christmas stuff you don't want anymore, and are just gonna throw or give away....email me, I'll pay shipping for you to ship it to me!! momisnutz@earthlink.net ) We haven't had enough space nor space to decorate the hell hole we live in now. So, if any of y'all are feeling generous, visit the gift registry section at Linen N Things (their motto is dream big, pay little-oh to have just one set of matching towels...big dreamer ain't I?) and enter registry number 500699663284, peruse my list and if ya can...help a sistah blogger out, k? The best part? When we pay "rent" it won't be rent...it's a mortgage!!!

Noni tired of her brother's pickin' on her, gives him the universal signal.....



NOT REALLY PEOPLE...SHE HAD A HURT FINGER...I JUST ASKED HER TO SHOW ME WHICH ONE WAS HURT! BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Yummy...oysters on the half shell babyyyyyy

Nicklaus showing Auntie Linda what being a Gawja Cracker is all about....



While Linda (Livey) was in town I took her to see our new house and our land. Livey looked at our pump and septic tank and made intelligent suggestions and such for both. Nicklaus, ever his Momma's Boy, said, "I wish you were more like her Momma! She knows about man stuff!!" Whateverrrrrrrrrrr...I can say wrench and tractor....although, I must admit....I wouldn't use either one...Livey does!

Well, I haven't blogged as much as I usually do. To tell the truth I haven't really felt like it. I've been to a memorial, almost made it in time. I've had drama. I've had laughs and I've had tears. That post sounded all about me....it was. Now I have another post about something else. It may piss SOME of you off, it may not. I don't care either way. We lost a great man last week. His loss will be felt for a long time. HOWEVER, can those of you who choose to act dramatically about it -PLEASE JUST STOP. For all his blog-greatness, can we all remember for just a moment that after all is said and done, Rob Smith, was a man. Yes, he was a great man, but he was still just a man, not a commodity. Step back a moment and let's remember that yes, he enjoyed being the Acidman, the mighty master of the keyboard on Gut Rumbles, but he was a man. Rob was a man who helped people, who hurt people, who loved people and who hated people. At the end of the day he was mainly proud of who he was IN REAL LIFE. Rob wasn't Acidman to those that mattered most to him. Rob was DADDY to Sam, Daddy to Quentin, Grandson of Mommie, Father In Law to Stacey, Brother of Dave, Catfish & Recondo 32's best friend, and so on. Geezus, get a grip. Remember the good times, cry that he's gone and just STOP. Do you realize that his Lil' Stormcloud as in "Yeah, that's MY Stormcloud. And I love her," is over at the infamous "Crackerbox" right now packing up her daddy's belongings with Stacey, as in "She is intelligent, a hard-worker and one of the finest people I've ever met in my life." at her side. Why all the drama? What if it were your father that was gone and after the first few days of the nice memorials all you had to read is pissin' contests as to who was a lunatic at the memorial? Who was more important to him in his life? What the hell does that matter? However, I do know this, we are not the ones he rocked to sleep, he played with in the yard, the ones he cuddled with on the couch and watched cartoons with. We are not the ones he left instructions to on how to handle things if he ever left them. Some of us had faces and names to Rob, some talked to him...some did not. Just stop and let those who loved him get a break in all of this. Imagine you are at the computer looking at posts that pertain to your father and all you see is arguing, name calling and hatred, how would you feel? Not too good I imagine, I wouldn't and those that loved him sure don't. Now, I know that somewhere Rob is laughing his ass off at all this hellraisin' being attributed to him and his memory. Don't fool yourself though, if he thought that for one moment it was hurting anyone he loved, he'd tell ya to stop pissin' in the wind, get your shit in one sock and knock this shit off. I'll never forget telling him in one of our phone conversations, "I'm gonna have to change your name in my cell phone, I have you listed as Sam's Dad." To which he laughed and replied, "Why change it darlin'? That's who I am, Sam's Dad." And he said it with pride. So let's forget for just one second our loss, and concentrate on who he WAS, and let it rest.

**The links are the words of Rob. The links are to the posts. Yep, the one about Stacey is the one that I pissed him off. We got over it, now it's time for y'all to get over it.**