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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I'll just go crazy sittin' around this house..well, I'm already Nutz...surely raging f'ing insane ain't far away now, anyway...waiting to move...waiting for whatever the hell is needed now so I can move, so I thought I'd share a little story with ya. About a week or so ago, I was chatting with my friend girl, Livey (picture below) on the phone, long distance mind you, and another occurrence of , "Well yes I did give birth to them, but hell, I don't understand them, and no one told me I ever would" happened.

I go outside on my front porch when I am actually trying to communicate with another human on the phone. Why? Surely, you understand. If I stay inside then "THEY" are there and I'll never hear a word. This opening of the door, the admonishment that "Mommy is calling Aunt Linda long distance, please leave me alone a few moments", is actually an ancient secret code language for "Hey y'all, do some of the most stupid shit y'all can think of, but open the door every few minutes and interrupt me so I can lose the last thread of sanity I have." I guess my kidz are gifted, they know this language. Anyway, here a little synopsis of this conversation.

Me: Hey girl, how are ya?

Linda: (answers something)

all she can hear I am sure is me, teeth gritted, telling the SPAWN MY HUSBAND CREATED kidz "Get inside, I told you I needed a minute, get inside now....

Me: Okay, what were we saying?

again another attempt at conversation, again, nose flaring, teeth gritted, yelling at kidz...

Nicklaus: MOMMMM....Noni did a swirly.

Noni: MOMMMMM....Nicklaus told me toooooooooooooooo

Mom: Okay....what in the hell is a swirly???

Kidz: Well, it's when you stick your head in the toilet and flush it...

Mom: (yes, Linda is on the phone laughing her ass off at this point, just enjoying the entertainment) Let me get this straight, you stuck your head in the toilet and flushed it? Noni, that is what you're saying right?

Noni: Yes, Nicklaus told me to....

Linda: What does that feel like I wonder?

Mom: What? Sticking your head in the toilet and flushing it? Hell, I guess it feels like water runnin' round your head.

Linda: (Laughing gleefully)

Mom: Oh hell, let me grab the camera...This is surely blogworthy....

**Just an afterthought...I think Noni looks dangerously like a) Marilyn Manson, b) Courtney Love or c) a mixture of both in these pictures....***