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A Day In Hell....

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Y'all have my permission to kick my ass if I ever mention, which I didn't this time, but if I ever mention asking my Mom if she'd like to ride to "town" with me. It's okay...I won't strike back...promise. I did just this thing today.

My day of utter misery began with the seemingly simple request, "Mom, you wanna ride to town with me and the kidz?" See, I had to go and pick up some school supplies, the kidz start school this coming Tuesday, August 1st. Yeah...that sux, why start school before September? But that is another rant. And honey, this one is gonna be good enough on it's own. When asked that seemingly simple question, my Mom answered, "No, I don't think I will, I need to do some stuff around here." However, Noni was at Nanny's house, and she is not one to pass up a shopping opportunity. So, I get the 2 boys ready here, Nicklaus decides he's gonna stay with Nanny and Poppa and just Nathan and Noni will be with me. Great....quick drive to the S-A-V (Savannah, y'all) and a trip into K-mart and home again, home again, jiggity jig. Yeah...right. When I arrive my Mom informs me that her and Dad are going to go, cool, fine, great....they take their car I save on gas, all good. Hell no it IS NOT.

This was at 11:00 am this morning. I got home with all three hellions at 7:00pm. Why you ask? Nice outing with the family? Let me see how to phrase this right...okay...WHY HELL NO!! Halfway to town I find out we are stopping at the hospital first, remember....Dad's a preacher, got to make those visits. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS. But, after my initial, "Oh Christ, all three of them in a hospital? With me?? Great." And the obligatory, "Kellie, you do not have to take the Lord's name in vain," comment from Mom. (Thank God she did NOT hear what I was thinking, cuz it sure as hell was a LOT worse) Anyway, I figured, okay, we can do this, they will act like normal children in this lobby, or else. Well, that was my first error. The second was believing that this "Will only take a minute." ONE HOUR LATER, after we'd been to the Meditation Garden, threw umpteen dozen pennies in some damn fountain, rode the "allivator", sat in the 5th floor children's floor waiting room (without anything for children in the waiting room) whilst Nathan would run circles around my legs, tell me I was "BAD," and yes, growl at me when I popped his leg, while enduring that, Nicklaus decided to tell Noni, "They say this is a children's floor, that's means this is where kids come to die, well, old people too I guess" I do the obligatory scaring the crap outta him maneuver, and, finally I see a glimpse of the end, the end of the general, well the end to the general "hell" that occurs when you take my children to hospital type places, finally Mom and Dad are ready to leave. I am completely exhausted, frazzled, and ready to try the insanity defense in my trial like ol' Andrea did. I'm somewhat relieved though, we're leaving, I'm going to get those damn supplies and get to go home. See, Kmart has buggies, shopping carts, "jail on wheels", hospitals do not...unless I injure the children, then I go to jail and they get to play video games and color in the place that people come to die.

We get in the car and Dear Ol' Dad then informs us, "Well since I'm right here at the hospitals, I need to stop over at MMC to see so-n-so's daughter, she tried to commit suicide and did not succeed, she may yet though, she's on a ventilator." "WTF???" "Daddy, please tell me you are not, please, I cannot take another hospital lobby with these, these things. Please." "Nope, I need to do this" "Daddy, she doesn't even come to our church, you don't even know her, please, she wanted to kill herself, if no one goes in there and talks and crap, maybe she'll at least think she succeeded." That, needless to say was not taken well. Mom tries to pitch in, "These kids give her a fit, do we have to go now." Dad said "Yes." That was the end of that debate. Mom decides, we'll sit in the van with the kids. Let's keep in mind, the high today was 97 DEGREES, with humidity and heat index thingies, that means it feels like 108 DEGREES and only after 20 minutes in a van with 3 kids with all the doors open did I ask, "Did you mean we are going to sit here and roast in this van and you're not going to turn it on with the air at all??" Upon my questioning this insane act I learned that "Gas costs almost $3 a gallon, we are not going to waste it like that." Makeup is gone by this point, hair is an oily mess, kids are miserable and quite vocal about it. I finally say, "Well, hell, if we sit here any longer see if they have an extra ventilator for me, because I am about to take whatever pills I have in my purse." Some children's Tylenol were all I could find, and a Vitamin B6 tablet. anyhoo, Mom then asks, "Well, do you want to go to the lobby then?" "Ummm...sure, at least hell in there has an A/C." "Kellie, you do not have to use such vulgar language." Vulgar, yeah right, you have nooooo idea. To cut it short, the next events can only be described as God's retribution on me and my immortal soul, sanity and general willingness to suffer somewhat silently.

After ANOTHER HOUR of hospital hell, we are walking once again to the van to go to K-Mart when my Dad's cell phone rings, someone has been in the hospital for THREE DAYS and he did not know this, now he must IMMEDIATELY turn around and visit them. So, I resigned myself to my fate, let my mother deal with my children and just listened to the voices in my head, which, by the way, were all screaming incredibly VULGAR things. All I said out loud was , "All I wanted to do was go to K-Mart, that's it, get some supplies, buy the kidz an ICEE and come home."