Getting Nekkid Is Just Too Time Consuming!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I never wonder why I can't get things done. I know why. My kidz...be it dirty diapers that need changing, boo boos that need kissing, spills that need to be wiped up, and on and on. Example? There I was, scrubbing the shower, really getting it sparkling clean...and I hear water running. Yep, Nathan had scaled the wall, errr, gate, and jumped into the bathtub to play. Needless to say I then had to dry him off, change his clothes, wipe up the Sprite Noni spilled, vacuum up the rice that just magically hurled itself across the kitchen....yada, yada, yada
Maybe you've seen this already, but I thought it was funny...
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I apologize if you've seen this, but I just got it in my email. This is a picture of a table that was for sale on Ebay. Without any identifying gender label a.k.a. User Name or anything, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this seller is a man. Maybe you see how we know this...if not, click on THIS-DO NOT CLICK WITH KIDZ AROUND...
Okay...I really need someone to help me out here....
Estimates of damage due to Katrina ranges from $10 billion to over $75 billion depending on where you look. I found a very informative article on Reuters.com about how our government's various agencies are rushing in to help out those who sustained damage because of this Katrina's fury. The list of countries NOT receiving aid from the USA is very, very small. So, help me out, okay. Where can I find an article, list, something that tells me the names of the countries and agencies (non-U.S. based) that are rushing to help out America? I know I am just not looking in the right place or have overlooked this information somehow....Thanks!
More words of wisdom from the man I married...
I fell off the bottom step of our front deck the other day. Twisted the hell outta my foot/ankle, it hurts. I am now a tad bit clumsier, and I am extremely clumsy to begin with. I tripped over something in the bedroom on my way to the computer this evening. Did the love of my life leap out of bed to help his beloved? Did he inquire if I was okay? Offer to get ice, heating pad, something? Hell no, the oh so wise and compassionate sage I married offered the following advice:
"If you look where the hell you're going, you wouldn't trip so damn much."
See, all that love and heart just oozes outta him, all the time. Damn, I'm a lucky girl. :-)
The Queen of Shit has Spoken...ROFLMAO
Monday, August 29, 2005
There isn't a way to post a direct link to this particular post, however, it is wayyyy too bitter not to post for you all to read. Please click the title to read it. Why Mommies Want to Eviscerate Me . Clarification on a few points: Yes, I am unhinged hence the title Mom Is Nutz. Nope, I don't give a fuck what you think and yes, I am a Mommy and I say fuck. However, that doesn't take away my right to say FUCK, my right to think you are one bitter leather wrapped crazy bitch, and it doesn't take away my right to blog, Mommy Blogger or not. And speaking of blogging, who the hell do you write for anyway? I looked over at my stats, since you mentioned yours, and I quote,
"after I noticed an unusually large amount of "hits"
originating from MBX...However, with the large amount of
hits, I knew MBX had to have dedicated a post to me and
curiosity brought me back--I'm as much as a publicity
whore as the next guy."
I'd love to say that I appreciate the hits as well, however, here's my site stats on how many visited from your wonderfully well-written ummm, blog? (that's sarcasm, sweetie)
2 visitors referred
0.04% total of traffic
2 whole visitors, dammit woman, thank you, thank you. Frankly, you didn't even cause a ripple, alrighty? You don't like it here, DON'T COME BACK. And you're welcome for all the traffic. Damn, first time you broke 5 visitors in a day, huh? Not jealous a bit of us Mommy Bloggers, eh? I'm sure your wonderful little posts about how to properly handle men wearing your panties, and the correct way to ready one's anus for sex will have them coming in droves. How about the next time you go and have one of your little S & M episodes, you forget the "safe" word and maybe have some sense knocked into that delightfully shallow head of yours.
Have a wonderful day dearie...and NEVER FORGET....MOMMIES KICK ASS, YOU SHOULD TRY BEING ONE INSTEAD OF AN UNINFORMED, DUMB ASS TRYING TO SPREAD ADVICE ON PERVERTED SEX PRACTICES, NOT ONE MENTION OF YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR KIDS OR SPOUSE, OH YEAH, YOU DO CALL YOUR SPOUSE PRETTY MUCH A DUMBASS FOR HAVING SKIN CANCER AGAIN AND HIS CHOICE NOT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, Your compassion for him just oozes off the screen, (Again, just a little Mommy Blogger sarcasm)....TAKE YOUR OPINIONS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS...OOPS, OH HONEY, DON'T FORGET TO "Run your fingers/tongue/ toes/..." AROUND IT FIRST.....
Hmmph...anyone for a cutesy story about my kidz, my life or how I can verbally beat bitches asses in under 2000 words?
"...However, I feel that MBX is completely screwy. Besides, I am still pretty darn pissed at her and the establishment that allows someone with her world-view to be a popular voice in the blogging world (you've got to wonder.....).I will post the location of this blog so that you may read the comments."
Not jealous in the slightest of us Mommy Bloggers........BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Trouble with Kids These Days...
According to the hubby is this, "they have too many choices." Well, let me explain the conversation to you so you can understand why this comment was made.
Me: "I need to go online and find out what Nicklaus' school is having for lunch tomorrow.
Me: The same reason I do all the time, I need to see what they are having so if it's something he doesn't like I can make him a lunch.
Huzzband: I don't understand that at all. We sent in a check for lunch, let him eat school lunch. When I was a kid I had to eat whatever they had. That's the trouble with kids these days, too many damn choices. I didn't have all these choices. I ate what was there or went hungry.
Me: Yes, well, not everyone was as lucky in childhood as you. (that's another long convoluted story, suffice to say, my huzzband'z childhood sucked.)
Huzzband: Say whatever you want, I turned out alright. It's sloppy joe's. He eats sloppy joe's here.
Me: Yes, but he says he doesn't like the ones at school. Damn, just forget about it, if I want to fix his lunch, what the hell does it matter to you??
That was the conversation last night. The conversation this morning when he was on the way to work and I called him on his cell phone?
Me: Let me get this straight. The trouble with our nation's youth is the fact they have too many choices, correct?
Me: So, I am to believe that your little spiel last night on how to help our son turn out to be a better adult by not fixing him a home lunch had nothing to do with the fact that you ate the whole damn pack of ham this weekend?
Huzzband: (laughter) What do you mean??(laughter)
Me: I mean you are a humongous dork. I ate the ham would have sufficed.
Huzzband: Yeah, I guess, but it wouldn't have been near as much fun.
So, Nick's having Sloppy Joe's or the salad bar. The salad bar means Nicklaus will eat 6-7 slices of cucumber with ranch dressing.....very filling.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Just another pic to show how HUGE this thing was...hmmm...wonder why I don't like hanging my clothes out? I don't care if it's a "good" spider or a "bad" spider. The only spider I like is a dead spider
Country Living at It's Finest...
Kidz: "Momma, Momma, grab your camera and look at this thing, Momma, hurry"
Momma: "I'm coming, I'm coming, What is i....Holy Mary Mother of God,Joeyyyyyyy, come here, look at this thing"
Joey a.k.a. Huzzband a.k.a. Daddy: "What, I'm trying to get the dryer in"
Momma: "Quick, put a $20 down show you can see how big this dang thing is in relation to it"
Huzzband, "You've been watching to much C.S.I. or something
You might be raising your children to be rednecks if...after seeing this huge ass spider your children ask their Daddy "can we go get the bug spray now?" Nope, not to poison the creature, to grab a lighter, make a homemade blow torch and incinerate the damn thing
Drastic Times, Drastic Measures
Remember way back in June when I bitched about my dryer going out and me having to hang clothes out on a clothesline? If you don't or need to refresh your memory, click here. Well, we were going on over 2 months without a dryer, hubby had a friend at work that had one, almost new, and he got a new washer/dryer set for whatever reason and told the hubster, "If you come pick the dryer up, it's yours." Gratis, free, and all that. So, of course, being the financially conscious (read thrifty, hell read cheap) that I am, I was ecstatic. However, by the end of August, I had traipsed my ass out to that damn clothesline in this humid Georgia weather, with snakes (yep, saw a rattlesnake out there, and an armadillo, and a gazillion millipedes, and spiders, that post coming soon!), not to mention the hellacious amount of rain we had, and my patience was gone. This mamacita was heading to Best Buy or Gotta Buy or Damn well Better Buy this weekend if no dryer was at my house. Now, my husband does work, long hours some days, but, in this length of time, June - August, weekends and all, I could have had 18 dryers picked up by him and brought home. BUT....he's put it off, and put it off and put it off. And yep, sometimes the husband is a moody S.O.B., who's not? And, I have a fine way of just pissing him off. The Regal Bitch in me I suppose. Saturday, he was cocooned up. In the bed until 2:00PM, if I did not need a dryer, I could have cared less if he slept until the next day. However, I'd walked through my last doorway with underwear and socks hanging to dry. I went in, and quietly leaned down towards him...."Hey, are you gonna go get the dryer or sleep all day?" No response, I repeat it louder. I, the mother of his children, the woman he married, is told by this man, "leave me the hell alone." Oops. I lost it, yep, Nutz was too calm of a word. "LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE? LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE? I'LL LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE." An insane frenzy ensued, I grabbed bags, I grabbed diapers, I grabbed whatever the hell I thought I would need for a night away from the "house of many hanging clothes" and I went to the vehicle, I put those bags in the vehicle. I then went in and grabbed offspring. The first - in her seat, check. The second-strapped in his seat. The eldest? Buckled up and ready to go. By this time hubby has stirred, he sees his family leaving, he asks the one he married, "Where are you going?" To which the Queen of all Bitches, that would be moi replies, "Anywhere that doesn't have my f***ing panties and towels and whatever the hell else you see hanging up in here." And I leave, and I drive, and I get a call from my mom. And I turn down the offer to stay at her house, geezus, I do not need to repeat the phrase, "No, put that down, leave that alone, stop, stop, stop." My mom is the Queen of Expensive
breakable shit Bric-a-Brac. We head into Savannah, I pull into the Comfort Inn located on the Southside, near the Mall. We pile into the room, we take baths and showers and get ready to go out. I call and make reservations at our 2nd favorite Japanese Restaurant, the first will be way too busy, I already know. We pig out, we come back to the room, we put on our jammies, we pile into the king size bed (that I requested) together, we watch T.V. finally we all fall asleep. We get up the next day, we go and pig out for brunch at the Original Pancake House. We leave and are headed to the Mall when my cell rings, it's the husband, (mind you, he hasn't called yet!) and he wants to know where we are, I tell him. I ask where he's at, because he's on his cell and he replies, "On the way to the house with your damn dryer" I love my husband, I decide to go home instead of the mall. And this happy bitch has been washing and DRYING clothes all day.....
And yes, I do realize that by the end of this little excursion I could have bought a new dryer for what I paid out...but hell, that wouldn't have been as fun, would it?
Cost of Lodging for one night: $89
Cost of meals and useless stuff bought, just because I could: $125
Cost of getting huzzband to FINALLY get dryer AND
do 4 loads of clothes (folded them too): PRICELESS
I've had ALL I can stand MOM, where's the food????Mom is Nutz
Okay, Nicklaus wanted a pic of his GIANT omelette on the blog, here ya goMom is Nutz
Breakfast!!Mom is Nutz
Same Place, different kidMom is Nutz
Nicklaus at the Restaurant...nope, I do not know why he makes that sign all the time now, I am sure some wrestler does..Mom is Nutz
Noni at the Japanese Restaurant..Mom is Nutz
Nathan, enjoying the room?
The Comfort Inn in Savannah that we stayed in, yep, got a King Size bed so we could all pile up together.
Are All Men Like This??
Nah, really he was just looking at this Scooby Doo bop thing-a-ma-jig (technical term, that one, eh?) and I snapped the picture...I am a CAMERA WHORE....the best thing I've ever received as a gift was my digitial camera...couldn't tell from my blog, could ya?
And you thought all Jersey gave us was Bruce & Bon Jovi....
Friday, August 26, 2005
Not as fine a Jon Bon...but a damn good blogger woman....
And to all my little "haters" out there...
Now, before you go calling me a bitch, let's clarify one thing...
That's Queen Bitch to you!
Pip, Pip, Cheeri-Fuckin'-oh
Another wonderful brainy comment from a non-regular reader
...thanks for visiting. Just for future reference, we call them asses in the good ole' USA....
And this is what this delightfully clever little girl had to say to me:
Fictive wrote the following: i bet your kids get their arses kicked for having such a fat mommy.
Let's see what her equally profound profile says about her and her fashion choices:
Facts : My name is Nan Toftdal Christensen. I was born in 1982 - September 2nd.I am obviously female. I am engaged to Magnus - we live together in the city Aalborg - which is located in the northern end of Denmark. I am unemployed - but looking for a job. Aside from this I am a vegetarian.
Appearance : I have blue eyes, hay-stack-coloured hair, 173 centimetres tall, normal-build and usually wearing dresses, striped stockings and shirts. My hair usually looks like it has never seen a hairbrush. Also, I have an obsession with fishnet stockings and polka dots.
Quite the little fashion statement...BWAHAHAHAHAHA
UPDATE: I received this e-mail...thought I'd post it, for what it is worth....
Dear blogger @ http://www.momisnutz.blogspot.com/
My name is Nan and I just went to your site. I just wanted to let you know that I never made that statement posted in your comment box.
I have expirienced before, that people was posting comments with either my name, E-mail or URL on other people's site.
I am very sorry - but some people just have too much time on their hands.
Sincerely Nan Loop @ Goblincave/looplog.
On The Cost of Gas....
I was reading one of my favorite blogs, the Acidman himself, and this post is just awesome. You can't argue with the last line either:
If you can't pay for your gas, buy a bicycle. And shut the fuck up.
Can't put it any plainer than that....can ya?
This was just too good not to share.
I received this in my comments about the Dora bookbag. As I said, I was sure not everyone would agree with me. Case in point? Malfouka, Queen of the Dung Beetles (dung is shit for those that don't know) I sincerely hope she teaches her boys to stand up for themselves, because when they go prancing throughout their schools with all their pink, poufy finery there's bound to be an ass whipping or three waiting on them from the other boys. You have a wonderful day, Malfouka, spreading all that gender neutrality hither and yon. As stated at the very beginning, you raise your kids, I'll raise mine.
Oh boy. I'm sorry but this is stupid! So what if the kid wants
a fu@@ing pink backpack! Don't you people believe in
individuality or has breeding sucked it out of you?
I've got two boys and I'll be DAMNED if I censure
their likes and dislikes. I'll be DAMNED if I try to f
orce-feed some crazy gender-stereotype nonsense
down their throats. But by all means, keep on
perpetuating the gender crap because god(dess)
knows that children who don't fit the mold
will grow up to be complete misfits and screwups!
Top 20 Things I'd LOVE to say...
But can't....well, I could technically, but they wouldn't be heeded, believed or taken seriously....
Heck no I'm not changing that diaper...it's disgusting, do it yourself.
Wipe your own butt, dammit
Now what in the world would I need a babysitter for?
My floor is so spotless you could eat off of it.
Hey, could ya quieten it down, some people are trying to take a nap.
What's taking you so long with your homework Nicklaus, it's been half an hour?
Nope, I'm all finished with Christmas shopping. (unless is December 24th)
Yelling is not conducive to bringing up a healthy, happy child. I never raise my voice when speaking to my children.
I don't need to vaccuum today
This room is absolutely spotless, great job!!
Why of course you can scrub the toilets, honey
Me??? Busy??? Surely you jest, I've been sitting here reading all day.
I am just dying to go to Home Depot, I could spend hours in that store.
I've never had a bit of trouble with my birth control methods.
I filled up the Jeep today.
I am so tired of eating out, let's stay home and I'll cook.
I can't get a bit of sleep is my house is a disorganized mess.
Damn, I hope and pray Hillary runs for President - and wins.
Yes, that's correct, Harmon - party of two
It's that time of the week again!!
Three-ring binder pouch with zipper
Zipper pouch for trading cards
Louie's House of Hazards activity sheet
Finger puppet or Louie's Lab CD
Free Issue of College Bound Magazine
Lots of freebies!
As usual I am a few beats behind the drummer, veering off from the rest of the band...in other words? I am in my own little world honeyyyyyyyyyy....but, seriously, I have gotta thank Sheri & SuZan over at Celebrating Women for naming me August's Blog of the Month...yeah...I know...it's September...but at least I mentioned it...LOL....I'm slowwwwww...Thanks to both of you, everyone else reading this? Check out their blog and their really, really cool podcast!!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
This is for the friends Friday pic. this is a pic of my new friends, met courtesy of blogging, Rob (Gut Rumbles) Sam (formerly Savannah Sam, come back and blog dammit) Stacey (the coolest female in the world according to my hubby, I think so too) and my husband, he's my very best friend...AWWWWW...I love you guys...
Doing homework with this dorkus mcorkus four days a week produces stress....lots of it
Listening to this for 2 hours on the way to the mountains in TENNESSEE was pretty stressful.
Noni getting into make-up is stressful to me
Tarzan the wonder boy baby trying to constantly undress. He takes his diapers off all the time. That's kind of stressful.
when Noni spilled the red Kool-Aid all over the floor and refrigerator, that was stressful
Spending 35 minutes doing Noni's hair in some whirly twirly style with some dork-o product bought from "the place we do not speak of" and then having her want it out in 5 minutes stressed me out. Plus, don't take this one the wrong way, she looked like she was experiencing a racial identity crisis....bwahahahaha-that was stressful
Yep, I married him for his compassion...My guy is ALL heart...
The hubster and I were discussing the aforementioned drugger in the family. I was saying I wish he would get his life together, blah, blah, blah. The huzzband (you'd never know I'd ever been friends with drag queens, huh? they love talking about their huzzbandz too) anyway, the one I married says, "He needs to get off his ass and get a job." To which, I, being the nurturer that I am, ya right, I replied, "Well, he's going through a depression right now. It may not be so easy." What did the prince of a guy I married say? "Depression, what, I'm supposed to feel sorry for him? Yeah, I can find sympathy for him, it's in the dictionary,right between shit and syphilis." Ahhh..the warm tingles of love I feel for marrying a man so full of compassion...BWAHAHAHAHA
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT...YOU GOTTA LOVE IT TOO...BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat......He says, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother and said, "Here - try these on."She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them."I replied, "Exactly I wear the pants in this family and I always will."Ever since that night we have never had any problems.""Hmmm," says Mike. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.On his honeymoon, Mike takes off his pants and says to Karen, "Here try these on." She does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."Mike says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will,and I don't want you to ever forget that."Then Karen takes off her pants and hands them to Mike and says, "Here you try on mine."He does and says, "I can't get into your pants."Karen says, "Exactly. And, if you don't change your smart ass attitude,you never will."
Why would you let him do that, Mom?
Some of you may not agree with this post, and that's fine. You raise your kids, I'll raise mine. When I picked Noni up from Preschool today, I noticed one kid as he was getting into the car in front of mine. He was built like a tank, and if his mom keeps either picking stuff like this out for him or letting him pick it out, he'll need to be, there's this 4 year old, big as a 6 year old, wearing a football type jersey and carrying the Dora bookbag that I have posted. WTF?? Why would this mom let her kid carry a Dora backpack? It's pink with flowers for God sakes? If he must carry a Dora...what, you couldn't steer him to the ever so manly (NOT) Blue and Red one? I just think it's whacked, and I'm all for breaking through sexual stereotypes, gender neutral toys, etc. However, I can't help but wonder, what in the hell this mom was thinking? Just to make sure, I asked Noni, "Noni, is that a little boy getting into that car over there?" The answer? "Yes M'aam, he's in the other 4 year old class, his name is (I can't remember) You know what Mom?" "What Noni?" "He carries a pink Dora backpack." "Really? He must really like Dora huh?" To which Noni replied, "Yeah, he must, cause that's a pink bookbag and it's for girls." I just told her, "Dora belongs to everyone Noni, not just girls." "Well Mom, why didn't he get the one with the boy colors?" If a 4 year old grasps this concept, why didn't the mother? And if they didn't have that one available? What's wrong with Bob the Builder?
I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT...
FOR 2 SPECIAL FRIENDS...
I won't name you two...but I love ya to death...and well, thought of you both when I saw the name of this fine eating establishment...BWAHAHAHAH (and the only reason I did not put your names, is because of the idiots that have been bothering you lately....)
Oh My God....Get a Life Lard Ass
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I'm sorry, would "LOSE WEIGHT, YOU WEIGH A TON FAT ASS, PLEASE?" been better worded for this woman, who not only needs to drop a pound or fifty, she may also need to further her education, perhaps get that middle school diploma?
It's Wednesday Again....
In honor of my favorite show's ending forever....R.I.P. Six Feet Under - I have never cried so much over a television show in my life...I love the Fisher Family and will miss them...very much. This weeks sites may not be so "weird" but they deal with death...I'm in that kind of mood. So, peruse the sites, hope they interest you.
It pays to live a good life apparently. Check out this site and this one.
No need for the loved ones to even sign off when you kick the bucket honey....check out these nifty shopping sites...click this...and this
And if you need to know if someone famous is dead...you need only click here
Want to know where they are buried? Famous or not. Click here.
And finally, this is not a weird site at all....it's a listing of the obituaries for the characters of Six Feet Under. God Rest Your Souls, Ruth, Keith, David, Rico, Brenda, and Claire. And thanks Alan Ball, this show was awesome in so many ways! What the hell am I gonna do on Sunday Nights now?? I know...watch it On Demand...
THIS IS THE IRAQI NAVY AND BELOW IS THE US NAVY....GOD BLESS THE USA
LET'S COMPARE SHALL WE?
My husband says, "I'd rather be shot in the head than work on a vehicle." I told him we have a .22, .410, BB Gun and Paintball Gun, "which one should I grab honey? The Iife insurance is paid up right? It will look like an accident?" He didn't laugh....and this is what he looked like after putting a starter on his truck last night. It took 4 hours, but "dammit, I got it done" 1 Paxil, 1 Budweiser, too many profanites to pronounce, and lots of scrapes on hands and arms. Yep, that's my Mr. Goodyear