IT'S STILL FRIDAY SOMEWHERE!!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
The Masters Sports & Fitness Magazine for free! (Don't ya love the name?)
FREE PLAYSTATION MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION(REGISTER YOUR GAME...WINK, WINK..THIS APPLIES TO ALL GAMING MAGS)
FREE ELECTRONIC GAMING MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
BABY FREEBIES
(For a Blog Friend that will need this soon, y'all keep her in your thoughts, prayers, chants whatever that this baby will be born healthy, she had a bad deal a while back...thanks!
Olan Mills Free Potraits
Olan Mills Free Potraits
Very Best Baby Magazine
Welcome Addition Club from Enfamil
Growing Up Gerber Club
Heinz Baby
Huggies
Pampers
Orajel
American Baby
Beech-Nut bowl and coupon
Beech-Nut bib
Pull Ups Success Guide
Free Diaper Bag Tag
Nursery Water magnet frame and coupons
Procter and Gamble samples
Children's Safety Kit
Ensure for Pregnant/Nursing Moms
Very Best Toddler Magazine
Child Birth CD
Bath Thermometer
Preemie Magazine
Baby bumble bee
OxyClean Baby sample
Yummy, Yummy for My Tummy!!!
Friday, December 30, 2005
I read and read until I'd had enough of this man's love of baking cookies. I got sick of reading about all of his yummy confections!! So, I did the only thing I could do...kinda begged for some..and HE'S SENDING THEM!! YUMMY...YUMMY...MOM'Z NOT GONNA SHARE, MOM'Z NOT GONNA SHARE...OKAY...MAYBE ONE....BWAHAHAHAHAHA....I'll be checking my mailbox daily!!!! Thank you Mr. Latte Man...you are a wonderful guy...and I'd vote for you in any election you run for, except...I can't, but in my mind...I will. LOL
Some days in the life of a Mom.....
You just shrug, take care of it and go on. This was one of those times. I must send a heartfelt thank you out to the makers of Paxil. THANK YOU!!!
GIT-R-DONE
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK A REDNECK MAN FOR!!
Me: Honey, please move that damn monstrosity in the yard. It's falling apart, It's too damn heavy to lift. Get rid of it.
Hubby: I told you not to buy that dang thing. I hated it when you got it. You had to put damn 20 tons of sand in the legs. Oh, but now it's fallen all to hell and back, it's "Honey, get rid of it!" One day you're gonna listen to me. I tell you not to get this stupid crap, but hell no.....(grumble, grumble....and more unintelligible grumbling)
Me: Love ya honey....thanks dear...(hmmpf..., if I listened to the things you said not to buy, we'd have nothing but guns, bullets and deer hunting shit...)
Hubby: What????
Me: I said thanks, your a special guy. I'll try not to buy any more shit...
I roll eyes and go back inside to check the roast I have on for dinner. Then I hear some kinda motor or something cranking up. VROOOMMM....WHIRRRRR...RUHUNNNNNN..RUHUNNNNN........
I know without a doubt what is happening. We are talking about the man that took our couch, yes couch, out into the side yard when we finally got another one and burned it. Yep, burned it. Anyway....I can only post the following to show you what happened to the crap in the yard.
Hell, least it's gone!! Forget the roast. Grab them marshmallows and wieners kidz...daddy's lighting another fire soon. 
Maeve, I tried to get the "youngins" to run around that there fahr a few times for ya and say,
"Double, double toil and trouble;
Maeve, I tried to get the "youngins" to run around that there fahr a few times for ya and say, "Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
They all looked at me like I was crazy....Shakespeare was not crazy....well, he wasn't formally diagnosed. BWAHAHAHAHAHA
And before everyone tells me how dangerous it is to cook food over smoldering plastic. Let me say 2 things.
1) I AM NOT A DUMBASS, really, I'm not. and
And before everyone tells me how dangerous it is to cook food over smoldering plastic. Let me say 2 things.
1) I AM NOT A DUMBASS, really, I'm not. and
2) He put the slices of the swingset up nicely in the back yard until he can "haul it off."
OUCH!!!!!
Okay, I took the least pornographic picture I could. I just HAD to share with all of y'all another example of my complete clumsiness. I'll get this walking thing down one day. See this horrible bruise I got??? (objects may appear, much, much smaller than they actually are!)
That my dears is Mom'z boobage....yep...not the good part, but, right next to it. And ya wanna know what happened?? It doesn't matter if ya don't, I'm gonna type it anyway. Mom tripped over some, ummm....dirty laundry, (have I not told you Martha Stewart doesn't live here, and would commit suicide if she had to?) Anyhoo, tripped over the laundry that had somehow piled so high it fell into the hall fallen out of the neatly arranged laundry baskets. So, the corner of my Sponge Bob slippers caught something and there I went. Sprawled out in all my glory. What did the love of my life say, when relating the story to big sis on Christmas Eve??? "Hell, I didn't know what happened. Thank God those things were there to break her fall, I saw her bounce once or twice from the cushion those thangs gave." Okay...the fact I am well endowed in this area is no secret...however, I did NOT bounce. Repeat after me...."KISS MY ASS DEAR!!!"
LIVEY..........START SAVING HONEY....I HAVE A MAN FOR YOU TO MEET....
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
While perusing my normally family safe Internet sites, I came across one that didn't fit the usual mold. I just had to share this with my buddy Livey. She makes no secret of the fact she hasn't had sex in years, and to save her power tools from any more abuse, I want her to get this guy. He's almost the perfect man....except, he doesn't paint ceilings hon.....And, he takes a bit of an initial investment, but think of all the fun you'll have together? Charlie looks like a really nice guy, don't cha think? And I bet if you put a "Get Linda A Man" PayPal thingy, you and Charlie would be together in no time!!! (And for all you other lonely people out there, you can click THIS to see the vast array of 0pportunities that await you. After you and your honey hook up, Livey dear, if you are too rough with the little man...and I have a feeling you may be, please look at this SITE. Surgery is an option, and this is the site to research it!! I LOVE YOU LIVEY!!!
My Big ( & much older, Ha Ha Pam) Sister
Yep, we smoke. Now that's I've got that outta the way, I want to tell you about my big sister, Pam. She's cool as hell, more on that later. Pam has always been there for me, maybe not for "little" things. But, when I've been at my lowest, and you all that read this blog know about a lot of those times, anyway, Pam's always been there, she'll drop anything to come and try and help me. Heck, if she was there for all my "little" crises, she'd never go home! When I was adopted, I got great parents, but I also got an awesome big sister. She was 12 when I became her sister, and we didn't have all those joyful sibling fights that mine have every hour of the day! (THANK GOD!!) I do remember one time, when I was a teenager, we got into some argument about something or other and me getting in her face, hell, I couldn't back down could I? I will let you in on this though, I may have been Bonnie Bad Ass while in her face, but in my head, I was praying, "Dear God, please don't let her kick my ass." She could have done it, in a heartbeat, but she didn't. One of the greatest memories of my big sis is when I was about 5 years old. She took me to high school with her for the day. I don't know why, but for some reason the school let her and a few others do it. I was on top of the world for a month. When she got an after school job at the mall, with her first paycheck she bought me a Mickey Mouse Watch, I was too cool for words honey!! Because of our age difference we only lived in the same house until I was six. She got married. And the hell of that is, her husband, Ray, was supposed to marry me!! I had a huge crush on him, he used to give me money to go to the store down the street, hoping he'd have some "alone" time. No matter how much or how little he gave me, I was back in 5 minutes tops. Alone time hell, that's my man big sis, and anyway, you're my sister, you are supposed to only pay attention to me!! Thankfully, I am over my obsession with my brother in law, he's just my brother now, and a damn good one!! When Pam and Ray broke the news that they were getting married, I almost needed therapy. Why? Because in my mind, when people got married they moved away, far away. I did not want to lose my sister. I immediately went into her room, called my Granny, hoping to God she could stop this horrible thing. She couldn't. My sister got married. And moved 3 minutes away.
This is my sister and brother (in law.) My sister's marriage is another reason I admire her so much. Married at 18, Baby at 19, and a preemie at that, my niece weighed 3 pounds and a few ounces at birth. Geez, at 18 there is no way on this earth I could have dealt with all that. Before you say, "Sure you could, you deal with what life deals you." Nope, I couldn't have. My mom and dad would have had a kid to raise. And if that makes me sound horrible, so be it. I know me, and I know how I was at 18. Divorce rates are astronomical for couples with wonderful circumstances, but married at 18 with the stress factors my sister had? They are through the roof. But, she's been married forever now, raised 3 kids and is sane, well, somewhat, we are related ya know. Now, to the cool as hell part. My sister and hubby are best friends. They do EVERYTHING together. And by everything I mean it. My sister can hunt, fish, boat, hell you name it, she can do it. Redneck woman, Hell Yeah. Pam chose to tell me that I was not a Redneck. I straightened that out, pretty quick. There are redneck women who can "Skin a buck, run a trot line" and all that and there are redneck women that hang with Jim (Beam) and Jack (Daniels) and raise hell. Jim and Jack were two of my closest friends a while back. See, she can do all the outdoorsy stuff, and I can kick your ass if you say something derogatory about it. LOL.....I got into a fight once at a girl's house. Friends advised me to not fight on her property or I could get into trouble for criminal trespassing. What did this brilliant redneck woman do? Well, redneck teen anyway....I knocked on her door, she answered, she was talking on the phone, I took it out of her hand, informed the other party that "Heather needs to go, she's gonna get her ass kicked," and then drug her out to the middle of the street and whooped her. I received my summons for Juvenile Court shortly thereafter. Oh well, that is all for this post, just wanted y'all to know what an awesome sis I have. I'll end this post with my favorite picture!! Tell me my sister ain't a bad ass, she's got a bigger truck than most men around here,(yep, Joey's jealous as hell,) that's a Chevy 4X4 if you can't tell, and excuse the dirt, she's been in the woods with that bad boy and hasn't had time to wash it yet, and if anyone wants pop off about dykes driving trucks or something ignorant like that? Read the bumper sticker beeyotch...and get over the pettiness. Just cause she's got a bigger, better truck than you ain't no reason to go hatin' on her...besides, if you say something to her...I'll kick you ass....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
One other thing, we live like 20 minutes away from each other, but due to our lives, hardly ever see each other. She pointed this fact out to me when she was talking about her and Ray moving down to the Keys. Hell, I know we don't see each other, but, if we wanted to, we could. Makes sense to me, perfect reason to stay here, never know when you'll get that urge to mix up a couple of margaritas, pop in Jimmy Buffet and converse with your little sister!!
Mi Familia
Monday, December 26, 2005
My parents are the best in the world. They are always there for me, even though I really don't deserve it. I put them through hell and more growing up. If they told me to come in at 11:00pm, I arrived at home just before sunrise. My mom always says that she used to pray for God to bring me home safely, so she could kill me! And of course, I am and shall always remain Daddy's Little Girl!!! Here's a pic of me with my Mom and Dad. How they survived me, I will never know. But they did!! If they raised me without being institutionalized, they I KNOW I can make it through my three HELLIONS kidz' childhood.
She's wishing I'd stop aggravating her so she can go back to the kitchen. LOL
She's wishing I'd stop aggravating her so she can go back to the kitchen. LOL
He's pretending I'm not there so I will leave him alone and let him watch his football game. I don't. Annoying the crap out of my parents is one of my many wonderful personality traits!!!
The love of my life & me!!! As much as he annoys the crap out of me....I love him and am thankful for all he does. He works soooo hard to keep us all fed, clothed, warm and with a roof over our heads. I feel so bad when he busts his butt to earn money only to have it eaten up by the bank on Payday because of checks and fees. I love ya honey!!!
Christmas 2005
Here's a bazillion more pictures of our Christmas as only we can celebrate it!! I won't post any more...PROMISE!!! Some of these were just too good not to share!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Nathan has 2 cars and a Tricycle....his escape options are many!!!
Yep, she's a Souper Dooper Star!!
I think she really likes the Barbie dolls, maybe it's just me though.
This guy looks kinda perverted to me. I'd steer clear.
Yep, any man that would put a HUMPING pouncing Tigger on top of his baby's Rudolph and let them go at it, definitely has issues. And if this pervert says, "Look, Rudy likes it, his nose is red." Call the mental health authorities, STAT!!
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY, IT MAY NOT BE REAL, BUT I CAN KNOCK THE HELL OUTTA YA WITH IT, ASK MY BUBBA AND SISSY!
You may not be able to see it. But the object that was in her stocking that elicited so much joy? An 88 cent container of Shower to Shower powder!
Santa delivered a "Video Now" player for Nicklaus & Noni. Noni made me promise to photograph the following scenario and post it to my blog and let "the whole world" know that her daddy is a "BIG FAT MEANIE."
Noni asks for her Video Now back, Daddy says, "no." Noni proceeds to cry, because it is her new toy, and dammit, she wants it. Santa should have brought him one, when told this later, the "BIG FAT MEANIE" tells Noni, "Why, he brought you one, I can take it when I want."
More torture by the "BIG FAT MEANIE"
Upon MOMMY pointing out that it's NONI's Christmas present, the BIG FAT MEANIE, decides to share. Must be a really astonshing part of "The Fairly Oddparents," huh?
Alrighty, a "Beep Beep" filled with candy. Wonder how long until her figures that out?
NOT LONG!!
Hmmm.....scratching his bootie, hard hat....YEP, he's gonna be in the construction field one day!!
And, still more products from the WWE. Vince...ya better send me a Christmas Card next year!!!
EASY BAKE OVEN STUFF...GOODY, WE GET TO COOK....
Christmas Eve 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas Everyone!! My family gathers together on Christmas Eve to exchange presents and then on Christmas Day we all go to my mom's house, pig out on her wonderful Southern cooking and let the kidz play with their new Santa bounty. Here are a few pics of tonight's gala! I can't sleep, we came home, wrapped all of Santa's gifts ( Hubby insists they be wrapped, whatever...he does it, so go for it!!) and set them out, and now....I can't sleep!!!
This wasn't technically a Christmas Gift. Joey's partner at work gave it to us for Nathan because his daughter was getting another type of battery operated vehicle, but...Nathan doesn't care, he doesn't grasp the whole Santa thing either. When I saw him in it, a vision of the clown cars they have at the circus popped into my head.
This was a Christmas present. This kid loves his "Beep Beeps" Daddy had to pry him out of the car so we could take it home!! You can take it apart, which means it won't last long. When you take something apart, you're supposed to keep the removed items so you can reassemble the item. That does not happen in my house, so Nate-Nate better enjoy his one shot at rebuilding a plastic motor!!
Daddy really likes the girly dress up kit, especially the heels, there's a pair for everyday!!! You go boy!!! (You do know these are really Noni's, right?)
Now, is one's life really complete without a Rey Mysterio 
And surely it is impossible to carry on without the Rey Mysterio mask, isn't it?
Oh Dear God...what were we thinking?
Noni got Cinderella!! I love it....gonna have to watch it in the living room, cause I wanna see too!!
Isn't this awesome? My sister made it (and she can make some to sell too, let me know!!) At night it lights up, it's got a solar powered bulb!! I also got an awesome Scrapbooking book, some Scrapbook software, a bath set from Noni, hot curlers from Nathan, now I can actually fix my hair instead of just wearing a ponytail!! And Nicklaus got me a brand new crockpot, to replace the one I torched last week!! I will end this post but first I want to share a few holiday pics from around the web. If these don't give you that warm, fuzzy Christmas feeling, nothing will...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I really, really have to tell you all something....
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Emails Worth Sharing!!
I just thought that every once in a while I'd post some of the really cool emails I get. Hope you enjoy them!! Someone once said that one posts these when they have nothing to write....Okay...I confess....Not really, I just wanted to share them because they are either funny or cool as hell....The following are a bit of both!! Hope you enjoy them!!
What's Christmas Without a Corny Joke or Two?...A Good Christmas!!
A Parrot Named Chet
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking
for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.
This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?"
The young man asked excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet like this," was the shop owner's reply.
Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot.
Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper
and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.
When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!"
She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."
So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot,
as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned, "Jingle Bells!
The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came, "Silent Night. Holy Night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?"
The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife.
So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face,
cleared his throat, and sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life)
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
Thank a soldier now...dammit....
The Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas
He lived all alone
in a one bedroom house made of
plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
with presents to give,
and to see just who
in this home did live.
I looked all about,
a strange sight I did see,
no tinsel, no presents,
not even a tree.
No stocking by mantle,
just boots filled with sand,
on the wall hung pictures
of far distant lands.
With medals and badges,
awards of all kinds,
a sober thought
came through my mind.
For this house was different,
it was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier,
once I could see clearly.
>>>
The soldier lay sleeping,
silent, alone,
curled up on the floor
in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle,
the room in such disorder,
not how I pictured
a United States soldier.
Was this the hero
of whom I 'd just read?
Curled up on a poncho,
the floor for a bed?
I realized the families
that I saw this night,
owed their lives to these soldiers
who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world,
the children would play,
and grown-ups would celebrate
a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom
each month of the year,
because of the soldiers,
like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder
how many lay alone,
on a cold Christmas eve
in a land far from home.
The very thought
brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees
and started to cry.
The soldier awakened
and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry,
this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom,
I don't ask for more,
My life is my God,
my country, my Corps."
The soldier rolled over
and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it
I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours,
so silent and still
and we both shivered
from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave
on that cold, dark night,
this guardian of honor
so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over,
with a voice soft and pure,
whispered, "Carry on Santa,
It's Christmas day, all is secure."
One look at my watch,
and I knew he was right.
"Merry Christmas my friend
and to all a good night."
Twas the night before Christmas
He lived all alone
in a one bedroom house made of
plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
with presents to give,
and to see just who
in this home did live.
I looked all about,
a strange sight I did see,
no tinsel, no presents,
not even a tree.
No stocking by mantle,
just boots filled with sand,
on the wall hung pictures
of far distant lands.
With medals and badges,
awards of all kinds,
a sober thought
came through my mind.
For this house was different,
it was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier,
once I could see clearly.
>>>
The soldier lay sleeping,
silent, alone,
curled up on the floor
in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle,
the room in such disorder,
not how I pictured
a United States soldier.
Was this the hero
of whom I 'd just read?
Curled up on a poncho,
the floor for a bed?
I realized the families
that I saw this night,
owed their lives to these soldiers
who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world,
the children would play,
and grown-ups would celebrate
a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom
each month of the year,
because of the soldiers,
like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder
how many lay alone,
on a cold Christmas eve
in a land far from home.
The very thought
brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees
and started to cry.
The soldier awakened
and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry,
this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom,
I don't ask for more,
My life is my God,
my country, my Corps."
The soldier rolled over
and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it
I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours,
so silent and still
and we both shivered
from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave
on that cold, dark night,
this guardian of honor
so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over,
with a voice soft and pure,
whispered, "Carry on Santa,
It's Christmas day, all is secure."
One look at my watch,
and I knew he was right.
"Merry Christmas my friend
and to all a good night."
DO YOU SEE THE BABY?
HOW MANY LEGS?
MAN PLAYING HORN....OR WOMAN
Face of a Native American or Picture of Eskimo?
RABBIT OR DUCK?
COUNT THE BLACK DOTS
THIS IS MY IDEA OF PERFECT FOREPLAY!!
Friday, December 23, 2005
