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A Few Funnies for your Friday!!

Friday, May 26, 2006

How To Install a Wireless Security System

1 - Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's
used work boots,
a really big pair.
2 - Put them outside your front door on top of a copy
of Guns and
Ammo magazine.
3 - Put a dog dish beside it - really big dish.
4 - Leave a note on your front door that says
something like "Bubba:
Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back
in 15 minutes.
Don't disturb the pitbulls. They've just been
wormed and are mad
as all get out.
Signed, Billy Bob"

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde
waving at him, and as they get closer, she says hello.
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows
her from, so he says, "Do you know me?"To which she replies
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."Now he thinks back
to the only time he has been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that
I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my butt with a wet celery stick?"
After a moment, she said, "No, I am your son's math teacher."

A very ugly woman walks into Walmart with her two kids.
The Walmart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why?
Do you think they really look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter,
"I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."