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Friday, November 04, 2005

Before I had kidz, I never worried about half of the stuff I worry about now.
I put on make-up every day. I fixed my hair. I got out of my jammies -EVERY DAY!! I was able to sleep all night.

Before I had kidz, my house was semi-organized. I never stepped on Legos in my bare feet. I never had to remove sticky candy from my butt when I sat down. If someone annoyed the hell out of me, I did one of the following:
1) Left the place they were at
2) told them to shut the hell up
3) knocked the crap out of them....
4) maybe all of the above

Before I had kidz...I never knew what 2 gallons of red Kool-Ade looked like when spilled in your refrigerator. I'd never been spit on, puked on, pooped on or peed on. And if I had?? Retaliation would have been swift, severe and very, very painful, and I certainly wouldn't have cleaned it up for them or worried about them eating it, in fact shoving it down the person's throat that did it would have been a top option on my list.

Before I had kidz....I never cried when I saw someone else get immunizations. I never walked the floor carrying another human, singing insane songs, ALL NIGHT LONG, over and over and over again.

Before I had kidz....I never lived in fear of something happening to another human being quite so much. I never fully understood the deep, intense fear that a parent feels their child is missing. My heart had never stopped because I lost sight of someone in a crowded shopping mall. I never understood the ferocious nature of animals in the wild when their young are in a situation that can be construed as mildly harmful.

Before I had kidz....I never knew the pride one could feel when you breast feed and your baby actually gains weight - all because of you, when your child colors between the lines, when they tie their shoes all my themselves, when they go to the potty, when they write their names neatly - without help or when they catch a fly ball during a baseball game.

Before I had kidz...I never knew that the first time your baby says Momma could make your heart swell with love, your eyes fill with tears and a realization that you posses a deep seated devotion to your child and it is eternal in your heart. Before I had kidz...I never knew how deep, profound, and everlasting love could be. Now I have kidz, and I understand all of this...and so much more. Before I had kidz....I never thanked God everyday for His blessings to me or understood the depth of my mom's love for me.