AND WINNER OF THE "CRAZIER THAN A SHITHOUSE RAT" AWARD IS.....
Thursday, November 03, 2005
MR. WILL " THE GYRATING KING" JOHNSON
A costumed man's public "gyrations" sent him to jail early Sunday.An officer reported seeing 21-year-old Will Johnson, decked in face paint, a blue leotard and orange wig, doing strange things in the 100 block of West Congress Street.
A police report states that Johnson would jump in front of cars as they drove down Congress "and begin numerous physical gyrations." When the drivers honked their horns, he would allegedly yell and curse at them. The report states that Johnson pulled off his wig and ducked into a crowded club when an officer approached him. Police did not pursue. But a half-hour later, the officer said he again spotted Johnson gyrating in front of traffic in the same spot.
He was charged with disorderly conduct around 1 a.m. and taken to jail without incident. (Printed in the Savannah Morning News 10/31/2005)
1) Did he have help with his make-up, or do it all himself?
2) Is he wearing the team colors of University of Florida or Savannah State? No matter which, I'm sure both are just delighted to have such witty, personable fans. To gyrate is the sincerest type of flattery, I suppose.
3) If he's from around her, can you imagine his parent's pride and adulation that their boy was on the front page??? I bet Momma and Daddy did a little gyration around the breakfast table that morning!! Can you blame them?
4) Was he by himself clubbing? If not, couldn't one of his friends or all of them said, "Hey....Dude....Gyrating in front of cars isn't cool." Friends don't let friends gyrate....Especially in leotards, wigs and makeup.
5) Can you imagine the people driving down the street? What in God's name did they think? One minute, quite drive home, the next minute they have gyrating boy with paint and leotards in front of their car?
6) If this nut goes to trial, can you imagine the testimony of witnesses? "Yes, we were sitting outside having a beer in City Market, when all of a sudden, Eunice screeched, "Bob...Bob...What is that purple and orange blur heading toward us? And why, well, I know this is nutz...but it's gyrating Bob, it's gyratinggggggggggggg..."
7) The police did not pursue this fella.....he got away....went into a club, ripped that wig off and called it a done day. He'd done all the gyrating he was gonna do....WAIT...nope...this brain surgeon thought, 'Nope, I'll just bide my time in here a while, blend into the crowd, and try to gyrate on the dance floor....but just wait....the Ringed gyrator will be back doing what he does best.
8) At what point in a person's life do they realize they are so bored with the club scene that they must start doing something else. And they decide to do something else. At what moment do they say..."Gyration, yeah...that's it...I wanna gyrate?"
9) Is he available for parties? Bachelorette, birthday, whenever...I mean...what's a party without some gyration?
10) And one last thing, whomever he called to bail him out of jail....do ya think he told them he was locked up for "gyrating without a license?"
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