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How To Get Directions, Southern Style...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

It may not seem a difficult task, but if you ask a Southerner, especially an old-timer, you may just end up feeling you've fallen down the rabbit hole, much like poor old Alice. Your only hope? A jug of moonshine is waiting with a big ass tag that says drink me. Following is an example:

Pardon me sir, could you tell me how to get to the hospital on Mint Julep Lane?

Southerner: Well, I reckon I can. First you're gonna turn left on the second paved road you come to. Then you go down that road a fur piece, you'll feel like you all have 'jist 'bout rode clear to China. Then, when you get to the winding dirt road, take a right, go a fair spell down that road and then look out fields where Bubba Ray has them soybeans planted, and off'n da distance you'll see a big building over yonder and that'd be the hospital, ya cain't miss it. Say, where'n is you-uns from? Y'all shore do talk funny like.

Translation for all of you Yankees that are utterly confused right about now:

a fur piece - this could be anywhere from 1/2 mile to 500 miles.

'jist 'bout rode clear to China - You've driven a hell of a long way. It may feel like you've driven to another country.

go a fair spell - Not as far as a "fur piece" but not a short drive either.

off'n da distance - within your eyesight, off in the distance. Like the sunset on the horizon.

over yonder - (see off'n da distance definition above)

where'n is you-uns from? Y'all shore do talk funny like- Where are you and your family from sir? Do I detect a slight accent?

Y'all Come Back Now, Ya Heah?