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This Week in Email

Monday, March 20, 2006

I thought I'd post the best emails I've gotten in the last week. I won't put emails from other bloggers they might want to use them, and who wants to read duplicate posts on two sites? Hope they give you a laugh, or 2!

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as
usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned
the crotch less undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between
her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his
chair arm.

"Want some of this?" she purred.

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "Look what it did to your underwear."

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drink right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Three guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know..."Double Income, No Kids, Yet.
"The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B, you know...Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you? "
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know... "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner.
One is a prostitute.
How can you tell which one is the prostitute?
Hold on......
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little sticker that says...
I - DA - HO

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away."I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later,
she became his stepmother.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to a man with ruggedand masculine features, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and duct tapeover his mouth while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.

Senator Hilary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state.
She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.