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How in the world did we survive this long??

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

If you really think about it, how have any of us survived until now? If you consider all the warnings we were given as children and the way we cheated death everyday, we were little demons riding waves of destruction!! **Note, this is not directed to those girls/guys who were way to prissy to dream of getting down and dirty with the rest of the youngins***I was one hell of a tomboy, ground in dirt on my knees and elbows, dirt necklace to wash off every night, it was balls to the wall and the weakest kids lose!! But, bear with me a moment and see if you can relate to any of the following examples of how most children (the Southern ones anyway) cheated death nearly every day:Remember pine cone fights? Sometimes referred to as wars? You'd try to find the smallest ones possible, why you ask? Because the smallest ones weren't open yet, those things flying through the air hitting you in God knows what body part stung like hell...the big ones? You'd be lucky to get an ouch out of those huge bastards, but those small ones? Dammit man...and all the better if they're still green....those have the points sticking out and they don't feel good!! Now in the midst of this free-for-all maniacal frenzy at some point a parent would come out...if it was a dad, most likely he'd say "you kids be careful now," and he'd continue on his way. A mom? Well, my mom specifically, would freak. I guess I need to explain that I have the world's most Jewish mother -OY. We're not Jewish, but she agonizes over the million or two things that can and will kill you. OY VEY. Anyway, if my mom came out and saw us hellions chunking pinecones at one another, she'd go off the deep end. Seriously, I fully expected to see sackcloth and ashes at any point. I bet you have no idea how many ways a pine cone can kill you, do you? Well, let me point out the most memorable ones, 1) you could escape death but be blinded, those things can fly up in your eye and rob you of your sight, 2) you could be unlucky enough to get a bruise which could clot and then you could die or be in the hospital with needles and tubes, 3) you could get beaned on the head hard enough to cause a loss of consciousness and subsequently lapse into a coma, thus you were either left to spend you life as a vegetable, or be hooked up to machines, tubes and needles. My all time favorite, "what if one of those things killed you, what would you do then young lady?" Ummm...I don't know Mom...nothing? After reading this don't you feel like the luckiest shit in the world...you cheated death, the dreaded pine cone massacre passed you by. I guess I forgot to mention the most horrifying act of all concerning pine cone tossing, it happened to me just the other day. My 2 oldest, Nicklaus and Noni were in the yard, yep, gathering pine cones to begin what looked like a horrific battle and before Nicklaus could launch his first assault on his sister, I ran out screaming, "PUT THAT DAMN THING DOWN, YOU COULD GIVE HER A CONCUSSION OR WORSE!!" OY VEY!! I'll venture into another death defying rite of childhood later. I'm telling ya...it's a miracle that we're here!! Here are a few pics to illustrate my post a bit. I've included the scientific name of each for you as well.