Slow Blogging Day...LOL
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I occasionally do clean out the old email inbox...and come across some pretty funny stuff. So, if I found it amusing, of course, I assume you will also. Have you figured out yet I am going to share a few with ya? If not, you are obviously too dense to "get" the emails anyway, so...just stop reading and go watch TV..I hear Pamela Anderson has a new show!! Hello, Hello, is anyone here? Hell, I'm gonna go watch Pam............... LOL
The Boss was in a quandary. He had to downsize the office and narrowed it down to one of two people: Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision - they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?", she said. "I feel like shit this morning."
Bubba
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two bestfriends, Darryl and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,Darryl said,"Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll himover." The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, ain'tBubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange.Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the bodyand said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" "Well,Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, I've never seen 'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say,
"Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."
from my sis-in-law in OHIO....
Lay-Offs
The Boss was in a quandary. He had to downsize the office and narrowed it down to one of two people: Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision - they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?", she said. "I feel like shit this morning."
FUGLY
A really ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!
And finally...a few "adult" riddles for ya....
Q.What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration
I hope you got a chuckle or 2!
<< Back to Mom Is Nutz