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Woohoo...I made it home..

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Well, the shopping experience was just that an experience. No one called the law on me for beating my children. If they'd only known what was going through my head, I'd be sitting in Chatham County's Crossbar Hotel right now. What the hell is it with them? They act so normal all the way there, we listen to John Cena's CD (the wrestler turned rapper, had to have that one ya know?) anyway, they are both just absolutely sweet little children. They act like those 2 dimensional ones in the old Sunday School stories. And as soon as we get out of the Jeep at Savannah Mall? Damn...it's the Exorcist Live honey. First we go to Rednecks-R-Us, otherwise known as Bass Pro Shop, (okay..maybe not just for rednecks, but I am NOT in the mood for 2 stories of dead stuffed animals, fish in giant aquariums or fountains with the hellions I have with me) anyway, we get hubby's presents. Fish Fryer, Mug, Socks, and T-shirt. Every gift has a silver lining and the one on the fish fryer?? I DON'T HAVE TO COOK THEM IN MY HOUSE ANYMORE!! I don't like fried fish anyway...so, this way, he gets to cook in the yard and eliminate the smell and the mess from my kitchen. And if it's outside the front door, it's his domain to clean, gotta love it. They say to buy a gift based on what you would like to receive, well, I sure as hell don't want a fish fryer, but the benefits I will enjoy. After the hell that was my life in Bass Pro ended,( Brief synopsis: Mommy I want to go in the bubble and see the fish, mommy I can walk all by myself (and then she proceeds to go everywhere but where I am headed) not to mention the kayak - $749 or the $1500 boat they wanted to buy Daddy, and got quite upset with me when I said "put the $6 socks in the buggy and call it what it is kids.) then we head over to Savannah Sweets to buy my daddy, their Poppy, some Tower of Treats conglomeration, sugar-free, my dad just got diagnosed with diabetes so I hated he's not had chocolate in a month and Mom said he'd love some. Anyway, I still had to go to Wal-mart but after all the shit that I went through with these 2? Hell no, we got in the Jeep, headed back home and they are now in "Bubba's" (Nicklaus' room) with a movie. I won't even go into the "it's my turn to push the button fiasco at the elevator"or "I wanna push the cart" Once again I must thank God I was the only child at home. I would have killed myself or any sibling if I'd had to fight over who got to fart last. Geez....I was so frazzled, Noni pushed the buggy into these 2 guys car that had more gold on their teeth than I've ever seen in real life, but I think they could tell that it was not a day to f**k with momma, they just smiled and said that's cool...you know they wanted to beat the shit out of my bratz...I probably would have shouted "help" just a little quieter than needed too...LOL...(Not really, don't write me parenting tips again, they're fine- promise!) And I called home when we were turning out of the mall and my hubby had to say "Nathan's been an angel mommy, he's just been sitting here with Daddy, chillin' and watching a movie. Of course I told him that was wonderful and I'd be home shortly, Love you.....YEAH RIGHT, I told him "well, I'm so happy for you...your other two spawn have been their usual charming selves" to which the reply was "really? Nathan's been absolutely perfect.." and you know the rest...say it along with me..."Kiss my ass dear..."